Miscarriage Tips

I just wanted to write down a few things that might be helpful for people dealing with their first losses. Others feel free to add on your advice as well.

-- Unless your pg is dating more than a week behind in the 6-7 week range, you can't be sure about what's going on with your pg until you have waited a week and had a repeat scan unless you are already losing it and bleeding or have blood tests showing that your HCG level is dropping.

-- Don't just get a d&c after one bad u/s, wait a week just to confirm -- barring other situations that might preclude that such as ectopic, molar pg, etc. Sometimes things look badly and then it turns out to be just a bad scan. Not a majority of the time but you don't want to make a decision hastily and then feel guilt-ridden later that you hadn't given it a chance.

-- the medications that they use to knock women out during a d&c can have a side-effect that you might wake up crying. Doctors and anesthesiologists don't often tell women this and when you are dealing with the already emotionally traumatic experience of pg-loss this s/e can really make you feel worse and more out of control. (light sedation won't do this)

-- you usually have the option of doing a d&c under light sedation or under general. Ask your doctor about it. Some gals have had better experiences with light sedation. I've had both but only general during the d&c to remove retained tissue -- one didn't strike me as better than the other but each has it own benefits and drawbacks.

-- You can choose to m/c at home on your own. You need to know what to watch for (hemorrhaging and signs of infection) but lots of women do it. (see my miscarriage prescription)

-- Even if you have a d&c to end a failed pg more quickly you still might go into labor a few days later. (see my miscarriage prescription)

-- you might want to save the POC/baby if you miscarry at home. Some women here have planted it in their garden or even it potted plants. Some women feel guilt later if they have flushed it down the toilet. It's totally up to you what you want to do but don't feel like a freak if you feel the need to honor your loss in that way. And if you don't want to it's okay too.

-- if you have a full-time job it is hard to know how much time to take off and when. Miscarriages can be draw out affairs. Many women take at least a week off, some go back to work right away. I've alternated, going to work when I was up to it and stayed home on the days when I just couldn't cope at all. It's hard, and I think we've all had to deal with it. Know that others have struggled as you have and that it's okay. Just try to be gentle with yourself.

-- its easy to want to stop taking care of yourself after you learn of your baby's demise, wait to miscarry and recover physically afterwards. To go from being so careful about what you eat and taking all your vitamins to eating junk food and drinking wine. Try to do better than that, keep taking your prenatals as your body will need the extra nutrition as it reorganizes your hormones and body back to an unpregnant state. Drink lots of water, go for walks, and eat healthy meals. It's okay if you aren't perfect and can't manage to be super fabulous about it, just make an effort. Not taking care of yourself isn't going to make you feel better ultimately, it might make you feel worse.

-- If you have lost a lot of blood make sure to add in more iron into your diet and take iron supplements for a while. I think taking a separate supplement separately from my prenatals is easier for my body to absorb -- I take a chewable iron that doesn't disagree with my system.

-- bleeding more than two weeks after a d&c should be looked into via u/s or at least a beta draw.

-- you should have a beta draw a week after a d&c to help make sure you have no retained tissue

-- if you continue to have a dragging pregnant feeling after your miscarriage and your doctor hasn't done a f/u beta draw you might have retained tissue.if you have retained tissue that is still growing and engaged the progesterone produced post-O will make you feel more pg

-- your body can ovulate after the hcg level drops below 40-50 ng/ml.

-- you might ovulate a couple weeks later or your body might need more time to recoup and get things reset and restarted after your loss.

I passed a hunk of something this morning. I took a three mile slow walk (I'm am fairly blood deficient right due to the bleeding of the past week now so a fast walk was out of the questions) around the neighborhood last night and that must have done it. It wasn't anything exciting, it mostly looked like a large blood clot but it was denser and more formed than a blood clot. Maybe it was the placental tissue.

I'm going to go for another long walk today with the dog and hopefully whatever else is in there will clear out so my scan will show that I'm done. That would be great as my uterus can then heal and I can get my blood levels back to normal and soon enough we can get a little intimate (it's been a few weeks since we BD).

Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.

The RE wants me to wait out the weekend then go in for an ultrasound on Monday morning before deciding to do drugs or a d&c. Okay, I'm all right with waiting a little longer. I don't want a freaking d&c.

I thought I might be lucky enough to move it out last night but nope. That feeling of nausea and pressure must have been something else, or else the upper part of my cervix was trying to grab at the tissue and wasn't having any luck. I have the occasional cramp now and again but mostly my uterus is quiet.

We had a work party last night out and were out on the town. The streets of Capitol Hill were teaming with people, probably due to it being the end of the school year/start of summer and gay pride weekend. Whatever the reason I liked it as I got to just be another person having a good time.

While at this one bar one of my coworker's wives asked me if my partner and I planned on having kids. I told her that we'd see how things went, my typical vague answer which leaves people thinking that yes we are interested in having kids and might actually be trying now or in the near future. Then she told me that they had started trying and that she had a miscarriage a couple of months ago. So I decided to tell her about mine, the last one some people at the office knew about (due to one blabbermouth who no longer works with us) but this time no one knew. I figured that it was okay to tell her though and even if she tells her husband as I suspect she wll it's okay, sometimes it is good for people to know this stuff about you. Especially since I didn't much miss a beat at work (as far as anyone knew).

This morning I have a little hangover and maybe that wasn't the best idea considering my weakened condition right now but I kind of needed the time out and it was fun.

Back from acupuncture

I went over and met with two women acupuncturists today who both took case notes and my pulse. Obviously we had a LOT of information to go over since I've been there and back over the past three years.

They were a bit amazed that we hadn't tried any fertility meds, not because they thought we ought to have but just because I had been seeing REs (4 total) and all I've had them do is provide consult, an HSG, some bloodwork, 2 d&cs and a myo.

After going over the here and now miscarriage stuff, then into my pregnancy a bit and then over my cycle history and the fibroid stuff finally we got to do some needlework. I was like a porcupine today with them all up and down my legs, on my hands and feet and across my belly. Two particularly painful areas were the palace of the uterus (down low near my bikini line) and my girdle (aka belt) meridian. The needles were fine but some of the movement they were trying to get to happen was fairly painful, not acute but really sore. Evidently my kidney channel was depleted, my lung qi was being drawn on heavily and it was depleted (channel associated with grief go figure) and my heart channel had some stuff as well. My spleen/stomach channel was doing its almost usual weirdness as well and of course, liver qi stagnation.

I feel much better now, not so entrapped by the changes my body has been going through. I'm going to sort out next steps with my REs office in the morning if the sac doesn't move out by tonight and then we'll see about medical management or herbs to try to move things. I'll have another acupuncture appointment next Thursday with them to follow up on getting my body out of this miscarriage phase and then we can start focusing on building me up again.

It sounds like a good plan to me.

Headache is just about gone today.

I went grocery shopping after work yesterday and did a little instinctive shopping, I see what I start craving as I start walking by the food. I offer my body things like apples, strawberries, kale, potatoes, fish, meat, broth and last night it told me to buy a pineapple, more grapes, beef broth some red meat and red cabbage (not spinach for certain). I bought other things for my partner off of our regular shopping list. When I got home I washed and ate a bunch of grapes and then cut up the pinapple which was very ripe. My headache started to dissipate after the pineapple, the bromelain it contains is a natural anti-inflammatory. Then I made beef noodle soup for myself and had it along with a cup of my dong quai/peony tea. My head felt a bit better after that as well.

When I woke up this morning I could still feel something, congestion or heat, but the killer frontal headache is gone for the most part.

I got a call back from the acupuncturist this morning. She had a cancellation so I'm going in to see her at 1pm and see if we might be able to work together. Wish me luck.

This evening I'm feeling frustrated, just a little bit but it's there. How did this happen to me again? How is it that I was so close and then the whole project got called off. Why wasn't I consulted? I don't feel like I lost a baby, I feel like I lost a pregnancy. Next time, if I can sort it out so that we don't lose it I imagine people coming up and asking me "oh, is it your first?" and I will answer "No, it is my third pregnancy and no I don't have any children."

When I'm coming to and from the house I think of my neighbors and how they must perceive our life as this childless couple. Little do they know what has happened in their midst. Yet again.

I wish I could be even trying again but I'm still in the midst of getting rid of the remainder of this loss (still haven't passed the tissue -- I think I'm going to have to try drugs this weekend).

I've had headaches since last Saturday, I think it is due to the blood loss, low blood pressure and also some qi disturbances. I'm still bleeding but my body was craving the dong quai herb mix my acupuncturist gave me and so I had some this morning. I drank the entire cup which is unusual for me, I usually only have half a cup of anything. I'm still craving more, though it is a bit of a blood thinner so I'm trying to be conservative. I'm also coughing, I think it is related to being a bit blood deficient as this was a chronic sypmtom I had while I had anemia for years (it's been better since I supplement regularly but I lost a lot of blood last weekend). My hands and feet hurt at night and when I wake up in the morning.

I emailed to the Eastern Harmony clinic and asked for a referral to someone who had trained with Randine Lewis, author of The Infertility Cure, and they sent me to this clinic here in Seattle.

They are pretty close to my office and in the same building as the dentist I go to so that would be convenient. I like my acpuncturist but I don't feel like we have made enough ground in the almost 18 months that I've seen him. Granted that was peppered with my getting pregnant and have a miscarriage and then the surgery and all but I think that I've still got too many old patterns sitting tight. I've beenthe one to suggest different approaches to my issues and I think we've learned more from those times than from anything else (that's just my opinion though).

I still haven't passed the sac. I'm going to do some yoga and qigong later this afternoon to try to help my body move things along.

Still working on it

My ultrasound this morning showed that the gestational sac has moved down towards the area of the cervix but it has not passed yet. It still showed up as a dark blog on the screen so it still is fluid filled, though that doesn't have anything to do with it being still in there.

The nurse checked my cervix and boy did having that speculum opened feel like a treat. Everything is a little more sensitive down there right now, even the cotton swab she used to move blood away from the cervix opening was intense and ouchy.

My doctor, the nurse and I agreed that avoiding a d&c was worthwhile (see there is a reason I named my blog that) so I will just have to let my body do the remaining work to move the remaining tissue out of me which should happen within a few days but maybe a little longer. We'll reevaluate later on this week if nothing has happened by the end of day Thursday.

My head is foggy and my body still feels weird, unresolved as it was. Not as hormonally hung up as last time though but somewhere in between. I've realized that the hormonal changes your body goes through for a miscarriage somewhat impair the analytical part of the brain. Oh well, if I can just push through and focus on design work and not on any more proposals or client meetings I should be able to make it through the week.

It's 1:15 am and I can't sleep. I had a nap earlier this evening because I felt sleepy and heavy and then I woke up. I've been surfing around and not working on this proposal that is still hanging over my head.

I wish I felt tired. I feel like an insomniac.

I also wanted to thank you all for coming and lurking and posting and sending me prayers and good thoughts. It helps to make this seem less of a lonely time. I wish it was because we were all celebrating instead of worrying over this non-event.

Today I kept thinking of this song by Sarah McLachlan,"Out of the Shadows". It's from her first album. It's a pretty song but a bit moody. Reading the lyrics they hover around what I'm feeling, but I'm not going to let myself be depressed. Well okay a little. But not in a big self-indulgent way. Just a measured amount.

In spite of my aching ovaries we went out for a nice dinner together last night. My partner ordered a fabulous bottle of red wine, 1998 vintage from Europe (he loves '98 and '99 from Europe as they were noted as great years for growing grapes). The wine helped, getting a little tipsy helped.

I was so tired by the end of the day yesterday, it's be a long week. I had work to do last night but I couldn't do it so I just made do today.

My spotting has progressed some, it reminds me more of what you get after the peak of your period. Still there is more stuff in there than my lining and that will have to come out sooner or later. I felt bad this morning so I called in sick and told them I had food poisoning. Whatever. I've been working from home but so far nothing exciting happening on the miscarriage end of things. Maybe soon, over the weekend.

I was just thinking that for all the time I said "Please God. Please God" it didn't work. I've had to work so hard to get pregnant and then I lose another one. My partner did get me pregnant twice within a year period. And the third cycle since our last pregnancy and my surgery. That's not too bad right? We should have hope.

A bunch of my infertile and miscarriage buddies have just gotten pregnant recently, I'm a tiny bit jealous but I'm also so excited for them. They too have worked hard and waited a long time for their tiny heartbeats. Hopefully I'll be pregnant again soon enough.

I got a letter in the mail from my RE's office yesterday; she's leaving the clinic. That's 3 for 3 RE's that I've seen and they all left that practice. They do excellent work. During my d&c last July one nurse mentioned that the hospital administration was the issue. Too bad and sad because people really need good help and they were all excellent. I would never go to the group that had formerly been at the University of Washington so let's just hope that we can do this on our own. Again, so far so good right?

Slow slow slow.

I did some qigong again last night after nothing much happened yesterday and even the spotting was slow. Spotting picked up right away after that. Still slow.

This morning I started stimulating some of the acupoints that are forbidden during pregnancy. A couple hours later I had a little more spotting with a touch of pink.

Now I feel still a bit blocked. I want thing to flow. I'll have to do some more qigong.

I have a meeting tonight but I think I will cancel so I can deal with this instead. It's a reasonable excuse, no? Well, but the excuse I will give is that I am sick. I'm not actually, but I don't feel well. I feel ick and stuck and not like dealing with an evening meeting.

Nothing much to report. Pretty consistent brown spotting now, cramping on and off but not very active cramps yet. They slacked off a bit yesterday but then picked up again right as I was going to bed but I was able to sleep through unaided.

People online have been so nice and supportive. Some of them are so sad for me that it makes me get teary. I don't feel that bad, I'm a bit more sensitive but I'm also feeling a bit quiet about it. It's very different this time.

I was pregnant and it grew -- my breasts, belly, nausea and peeing -- then it started to decline and it's almost the same but backwards -- smaller breasts, smaller belly, no nausea and regular peeing. It's weird but having had two losses diagnosed around the same time in my pregnancy, it starts to tweak you sense of reality a bit. Pregnancy for me is something that begins and ends, but not with a baby. It's just a weird uncomfortable hormonal routine and then it goes away. I wonder how I will feel if I ever get past the first trimester.

Who are those people who get pregnant and go on to have babies the first shot? That used to be how I thought it went but not really anymore. I expect something to go wrong. Those people must be a different species than I.

I just called and cancelled my scan. The nurse Debbie at the RE clinic I go to said that was fine and she understood. I told her that I would wait a week to see if things resolve on their own and then we could decide if we need to do a scan or bloodwork or anything.

My partner dropped me off at the office on the way to his consulting gig. That was nice of him. I'll have to take the bus home (or a taxi) but today has been pretty uneventful.

By the way, I really don't think at the end of the day that my liver qi stagnation had anything to do with my loss. I think something just went wonky with it. Maybe it was the delayed ovulation, maybe late implantation. Someone else I know had a beta level at 350 or something on CD14 and while I know that beta levels are all over the place for me it might just be a sign that something wasn't right. Maybe it was because I waited until CD 8 to supplement my progesterone. Maybe it was just messed up DNA.

I'll do some more qigong when I go home this evening to see if that will move things along. I can't remember if I mentioned it here (I must have) but in October when I went to a health resort with my friend and we first tried qigong, several hours later I passed a chunk of my retained tissue that how I know that it can move the immovable.

We are climbing Jacob's ladder,
We are climbing Jacob's ladder,
Higher, higher.

I think this is going to be easier this time around. My hormones have been dropping I believe for the past two weeks so it won't be such a dramatic dive as the d&c caused last time. I'm thankful for small blessings.

I'm still a bit crampy at work, but mostly it is like bad menstrual cramps. It isn't the kind of cramps that take your breath away. They still might come, usually it is when the cervix starts to dialiate that you feel those and some nausea (it would happen when I was passing clots from heavy menstrual bleeding as well).

I feel a little spacey and tired and I have a bit of a headache. In the center of my head. Maybe it is my hypothalmus or something getting adjusted.

Cramps, cramps and more cramps

The cramps started yesterday evening with increased spotting. Still nothing that dramatic, no bleeding yet. I slept with a hot water bottle to help alleviate some of the discomfort. I feel a bit relieved that things appear to be moving along on their own though dealing with the bad pain and bleeding which is almost inevitably in my future during a busy work week when we are short staffed and have numerous deadlines isn't much fun.

I'm sipping passionflower tea this morning, it's a nerve tonic and hopefully it will help calm the cramping a bit so I can function at work. I've been trying to figure out which is better to drive to work or to take the bus. They take almost the same amount of time but one I have control over and the other I don't though if I take the bus I can always take a taxi home if I don't feel like driving. Blah.

I had faint spotting last night. That and some vague cramping that I could feel in my lower back and just all over my abdomen. Nothing happened over night and this morning there isn't more spotting but I expect to start bleeding sooner rather than later and if so I'm a bit relieved. That would be a lot easier than last time.

Yesterday I started thinking more about whether or not my liver qi stagnation and depleted kidney yang could have impacted my pregnancy. It was the fact that my breasts started hurting again that suddenly I realized that my liver qi stagnation was acting up yesterday since I really didn't feel more pregnant; it was likely caused by the emotional trauma of Wednesday's scan. What if the dagger feeling two weeks ago was related to my liver qi stagnation as well? Granted the majority of miscarriages are due to genetic problems with the embryo but what if the qi issue had something to do with it. We won't ever know but I did find some interesting mentions about it.

The next three quotes are from Chinese Medicine and Infertility; Ancient Solutions for the Modern Couple

"Infertility due to Liver Qi Stagnation manifests mostly in women and is a frequent cause of unexplained infertility. This is because this type of Liver stagnation effects the blood flow in the pelvic cavity. Acupuncture at the right time in the menstrual cycle, in conjunction with an herbal formula and some counseling, is effective in dealing with this issue. However, because of the often long standing nature of this condition resolution and the restoration of balance may take several months of treatment. In the final analysis it really depends on each individual's specific symptoms and circumstances. Despite the amount of time involved, the resulting pregnancy is a more than welcome reward along with the added benefit of emotional clarity that arrives when the Liver organ/meridian is less toxic (stagnated)."

"Dysfunctional family factors also play a major role in the upset Liver, and may cause the condition to exist for quite some time." [oh yeah, I've got this one nailed]

"In oriental medicine we say that all chronic imbalances effect the Kidney organ/meridian network. What this means is that if a person has a weak constitution i.e., is pale, feels cold is undernourished, etc., then this is a result of either prenatal (genetic) influences and or a lifetime of habits and illnesses." [I was getting sick so regularly that my friends were all concerned. From colds to flu to bronchitis I would get sick every 6 weeks or so. With the lifestyle changes I've made this is no longer the case, I still get sick but definately not as frequently]

Here are some other references that piqued my interest:

"in TCM it is said that the Blood nourishes, the Qi protects, and the Kidney Qi holds the fetus."

"In TCM theory, the liver ‘stores blood’. The liver is the organ most closely related to our emotions. Good emotional balance comes from the smooth flow of liver Qi, and the normal flow of liver Qi depends on sufficient blood nourishment."
Alternative Woman's Health - A Look at Traditional Chinese Medicine

If there is itching of the nipples, this is stasis heat in the liver channel
A Discussion on the Diagnosis and Treatment of Infertility

"In addition to giving herbs for infertility problems, traditional Chinese medicine recommends herbal formulas for such problems associated with pregnancy as morning sickness, threatened miscarriage, and postpartum depression. One well-known formula, recommended to be taken three to six months before attempting conception, is called "The Rock on Tai Mountain Decoction."

The formula is intended to build up both the woman's qi, or life energy, and her blood. In Chinese medicine it is thought that the mother's blood nourishes, the qi protects, and the qi in the kidneys holds the fetus. Chinese practitioners use acupuncture to assist conception by clearing the stagnation of qi in the liver; to prevent miscarriage by conserving qi in the kidney; and to induce labor."
Pregnancy Treatments

I've found little references here and there that one can continue using dong quai in pregancy to continue to help with liver qi stagnation issues.

Unfortunately my acupuncturist is away for a month and won't be back for another two weeks. In the meantime though I'm going to keep doing my qigong since that seems to be helping.

Saturday Morning

I came home from work last night and took a nap for maybe an hour. I just needed to give my nervous system a break. After I got up I realized that I just felt blocked inside so I decided to do some qigong. My acupuncturist told me that I needed to be careful what I did since certain types of qigong movements can cause you to miscarry. I haven't practiced in months but I had to try something, nothing was moving in my body. I did a portion of the Jade Body routine I learned at the beginning of the year and right away I started getting that shivery feeling of energy starting to move in my body. I felt a lot better afterwards. Later after dinner and a movie we had a bath in our new jetted tub and soaking in the warm water helped me feel more relaxed.

My breasts hurt. They have continued hurting, but not in the same way from day to day. Last night the pain started building again and this morning they are killing me, almost like that knives sensation again. How fun. How completely distracting.

Here is a list of my symptoms as they peaked and what I've noted over the past week:

Fatigue -- was needing to take naps from the week after AF was due until Tuesday after Memorial Day when I strangely didn't need them anymore.

Sore Breasts -- On and off but became significantly less a week ago Wednesday though the pain picked up again today.

Swollen Belly -- peaked Memorial Day weekend and gradually has receded so that you can't really tell but I'm still more bloated than normal.

Hair growth -- My chin hair (yes, it's true) was growing so quickly up until last week that I needed to tweeze every day because a new hair would show up. It was freaking me out.

Nausea -- only faint boughts, last episode was at the beginning of this past week

Thirst -- I normally don't get thirsty very much but I've noticed that the increased hormones make me more thirsty. I wasn't thirsty for much of the past week.

Increased need to pee -- I was having to pee lots all the time, though thankfully not at night. That wasn't really happening this past week.


Who the heck knows. My partner wants me to go for the scan on Wednesday. I asked him if just he and my uterus could go and that I would stay home. Either that or that I be able to be drunk when I go in so I don't have to deal. I'm not a big drinker at all (to such a degree that many of my friends don't think I drink at all) but it is just that painful and stressful to be dealing with all this.

I have this song in my head, it's one that we did across the floor exercises to in one of my modern dance classes...

"here I go again on my own...like a drifter I was born to walk alone"

I did a search and it is by WhiteSnake (Here I Go Again), oh the glories of bad 80s rock music.

Another one that has been going through my head is a very special adaptation of the Monchichi song from the commercial. ("Monchichi, Monchichi, Oh so soft and cuddly"), my version goes like this:

"My baby, dead baby. Not so soft and cuddly."

(It's my blog, I can say what I want. I never did own a Monchichi by the way, they came out when I was out of their target age range and I don't think I would have enjoyed them at all)

Yesterday's special phrase, my mantra of sorts for the anniversary of my first BFP coupled with the news of my second failed pregnancy was:

deadbaby
deadbaby
deadbaby
deadbaby
deadbaby
deadbaby
deadbaby

Oh and for the complete and total irony of the situation, since I had that fibroid surgery and I'm not allowed to go through labor for fear of rupturing my uterus and killing my baby (well, someday I might get that far) the only time I ever get to experience labor is through my miscarriages. How pleasant.

Good things, bad things and random things

Here are some of the things I've been thinking about:

Good things:

1. our embryo developed into a sac or something this time, it wasn't another blighted ovum
2. we got pregnant on our own
3. we got pregnant on the third cycle trying after my surgery
4. we got pregnant again before the anniversary of my previous BFP (or ovulation date)
5. I got pregnant before I was 35
6. I likely will be able to miscarry on my own
7. My pregnancy was in my uterus so at least one tube isn't blocked, maybe even both
8. I have wonderful buddies online who help give me support

Random things:
1. I can now finish working on the office renovations which is mostly painting work
2. I can stay focused on work for longer (well, trying to stay focused at least)
3. I get to keep my girlish figure for a little longer
4. I can look forward to some more time running around with my dog without sore boobs in the near future
5. we didn't tell anyone in real life so no one knows
6. I've been over this ground before so it isn't totally unknown territory

Grumble things:
1. I won't be able to get pregnant again until after I am 35
2. The gap between our potential babies and their cousins grows wider
3. We didn't get to see a heartbeat again, let alone an embryo
4. I don't feel like I'm in a good place to see my mother and deal with her illness
5. "I've been TTC for 3 years and all I got was this lousy t-shirt"

I had the worst time yesterday from about 4pm. I was having what I can only describe as someone stabbing me multiple times in the abdomen with a sword and then dying. These were uterine cramps that were probably similar to labor. My uterus decided that it was time to redecorate and worked really hard to rip out the old endometrial lining. It went on for hours, from 4pm until I fell asleep and was still squirming when I got up to pee at 2am.

I tried everything I could think of -- red wine (4 glasses), passion flower tea, lemonbalm tea, chocolate (no really, it is supposed to help), anti-cramping meds I had from France when I had salmonella poisoning, a hot water bottle. Finally I took a muscle relaxant at 12:30 and that seemed to take the edge off a bit, at least it helped me sleep. I felt like a bit time drug abuser, and normally I'm such a straight-edge person, but I had to do something.

I finally had some more productive bleeding so I guess all my uterus's hard work was paying off. It was so bad I considered taking a taxi to the hospital and asking them to give me a sedative.

My partner isn't here, he left for Los Angeles yesterday to spend the weekend with his brother and mother. It's his brother's bday. I'm so glad that I knew not to go, I had a feeling something like this might happen and I couldn't imagine going through it on a plane!

I'm feeling better today and my exciting news is that yesterday my basel temp was 98.2 and this morning 97.8 -- the lowest temps I've had since I was pg. Actually this morning's temp puts me back below the CL and so we have actually reset the cycle on my body! Yeah!