Saturday, June 19, 2004

Okay, but here is the totally wild news. My sister-in-law who lives in town just told us last night that she's due also in February, about a week after us. Two weeks ago we were walking around the neighborhood with her toddler and complaining how everyone seemed to be pregnant except for us (all the stars and then tons of women about town for some reason -- I think Seattle is having a baby boom). Low and behold that even as we were feeling sorry for ourselves we were both already pregnant!

No m/s here I'm just hungry in the morning and tired in the afternoon. I wake up hungry and absolutely have to eat before I leave the house. I've also been craving more iron rich foods, I'm taking iron supplements as well since my iron stores are lower from my heavy periods.

I find that when I'm feeling crummy that exercise helps but I have to push through feelings of quitting until the relief happens. A long walk, dance class, etc. are all helpful. My breasts were killing me yesterday and this morning. I put on a sturdy athletic top for modern dance this morning and that completely helped.

I'm struggling with my wardrobe since I was already needing to invest in some new pieces and weed out some of the older ones. The big boobs and full abdomen are a little interesting to decorate. I don't want to be a frump the whole time though so I think I'm just going to buy a few fun things and I can always wear them next summer (note to self: plan ahead for breast feeding).

I've been considering making some maternity clothes myself, and starting to prepare the nursery. I'm working so I can use the lead time to help make sure things are ready when they are needed.

Friday, June 18, 2004

With my almost 4 weeks pregnancy my uterus has enlarged so that my
fibroid feels just about a centimeter below the surface on the right
side of my abdomen when I'm lying down in the morning with a full
bladder. I read in the Merck Manual this morning you aren't meant to
feel the uterus above the pubic bone until 12+ weeks but as I have
mentioned previously, one gyn in December said that I was the
equivalent of a 14 week pregnancy.

I'm feeling good aside from the general feeling of malaise and sore
breasts. The progesterone (suppositories!) are helping to keep the
contractions in check which is great. I'm starting to believe that my period isn't coming ;) No morning sickness but I absolutely HAVE TO eat something in the morning, I can't get on without it. I'm also
thirsty and am drinking a lot.

Evidently we've been growing the vascular system this week and start
working on organs next week.

In two weeks I'll have a follow on appointment and ultrasound and I
will be sure to let you know what comes of that.

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

My partner is so sweet, he's already giving me kisses on the belly at night. I've been going to bed before he has by at least 2 hours now (he's been working late and I've been more tired and with that wacky sleep schedule - 5am today! I feel like I should be a farmer's wife!!!)

We did tell our families over the weekend. They were all in disbelief since they thought that we couldn't do it. When my mother visited early in May she started talking about how she knew people who had adopted children from China, as if we should keep our options open. I think ultimately they are all thrilled.

REs are so curious that I couldn't tell you if they always do u/s but mine is going to.

Today I've been feeling weepy and less tired, my nipples are aching right now. Can someone please explain why the boobs get so big right away when they won't be put into service for 8.5 months?

My biggest conundrum right now is the care provider question and I bet a lot of you are thinking about that as well. I've thought for years that I would use a nurse-midwife, or a ob with a midwife, in a hospital/birthing center setting and have a doula. My sister is in training to become a doula so that would be neat to have her there to support me. But after all I've been through I finally found an RE who respects me as a patient and isn't patronizing or threatened when I ask questions. A good care provider counts for a lot in my book. So I guess I'll have to prepare my list of questions for him to ask at our next appointment like:

C-section delivery rate
Willingness to work with a midwife and/or doula
When he/she does interventions and when not
etc.

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

How are you all today? I've been supplementing my progesterone with natural progesterone cream since the Rx for the suppositories was messed up on Friday. I started the suppositories last night. Today I'm feeling a little tired and achy, my breasts are sore and there are fewer contractions (which could be because of the progesterone).

I woke up before 5am this morning for no reason in particular. My partner stroked my back for a while until I fell asleep again but then I still woke up at 7am -- still early compared to me before last week. It's like the pg hormones have triggered my circadian rhythms to go to a different pattern or something.

I also have to get up in the middle of the night to pee whereas before I was sleeping like a rock all the night through.

I get a little faint queasiness in the morning so I have to eat but that doesn't count as morning sickness in my book.

When can they see the heartbeat do you know? I'm wondering if anything will show up on my 7/1 appointment u/s. [I found this link which describes the various things they are looking for in the ultrasounds of early pregnancy: http://radiology.creighton.edu/ultraofearlypreg.html]

My partner's mother left a message on his phone yesterday saying that she had a dream that he told her I was pregnant; I think she's pretty excited for more grandkids than just my dear nephew.
We had doctors tell us along the way that SSRI meds for panic-anxiety that my partner took didn't affect fertility but when I read the fine print their tests on rats left a question mark. He got off of Paxil and his count increased.

Then they told us that morphology was something that you are born with and there is nothing to be done about it but he had a vasectomy and reversal and I found it hard to believe that might not contribute.

They also said there was nothing you could take, or do to improve MFI but we didn't give up. My partner saw a naturopath and was Dx as being hypoglycemic so he changed his diet and eating habits and he's felt a lot better since.

They told us IVF/ICSI was the only way but they would take us through a progression -- abdominal surgery for me with 3 months recovery (and 3-4 weeks missed work) before we could try again, then try naturally for 3 months, then try IUI/Clomid for 3 months and then move on to ICSI. We were devastated.

We watched and read the stories of the other couples online who succeeded in spite of similar low morphology and had hope. I noted every instance of slight improvement and finally looked up all of the anti-oxidents and nutritional supplements that people were trying. He's been taking those for 6 months and coincidently hasn't had any problems with panic-anxiety. He started walking to work each day as he was able and he's feeling great.

Then we just tried to maximize the odds (plus I did a bunch myself to improve my fertility since my fibroid was an issue as well) and kept our fingers crossed but I thought for sure it wouldn't work, we were hopeless and intervention might be the only way. But then my period was late and my breasts were large, my body was hot and I took the test and we got our first positive pg test.
I waver between not wanting an ultrasound (fewer are better, less possible interferance) and wanting to know how close it has implanted to the fibroid.

I think when you have had infertility troubles it is just standard for REs to do -- especially if one had undergone fertility treatments (which we did not other than naturopathic and acupuncture care).
quote:

From the FDA site:
Certain tests are routinely done to check the well-being of the fetus during pregnancy and labor. The most common of these, ultrasound, uses sound waves that bounce off internal organs to project images of the organs and the fetus on scanners. There have been no reports of harmful effects associated with ultrasound, which has been used for more than 20 years. Ultrasound does not use radiation, drugs, dyes or chemicals and is beneficial in providing valuable information. For example, it can reveal the number of fetuses and age, size, fetal position, some birth defects, and other information vital to the health care of the pregnant woman and her baby.

There are three types of ultrasound, each used during pregnancy for different purposes. The most common is real-time ultrasound, which takes still pictures in rapid succession and detects the heart-beat, placenta, movement of the arms and legs, and the number and position of the fetus(es).

The second is the Doppler ultrasound, used before and during labor to provide electrical signals that are converted to audible signals of the fetal heartbeat.

The third, vaginal ultrasound, can help diagnose the cause of bleeding and pain or an ectopic pregnancy, in which the fertilized egg grows outside the uterus. It can also detect some birth defects early in the pregnancy.

Also, FYI the FDA advises against keepsake 3-D ultrasound images

I've also heard less is better but it is hard since we have technology available now that can help us understand more what is happening to us when we are pregnant.

Monday, June 14, 2004

Even with being pg my temps aren't that high. I've taken it twice since Wednesday and I've only been at 98.6 and 98.4, although normally when I'm in the first half of my cycle the temps are like 97.7 usually and during my LP my temps are usually 98.4. That's a big enough jump for now though.

I already had 2 blood tests (#1 435 @ 17dpo, #2 985 @ 19dpo) as I was already scheduled to see my RE last Wednesday to check up on my fibroid.

My symptoms so far:
* thirsty
* sore bbs that are large (but still less sore than during PMS)
* waking up early at 6am or earlier and wanting to go to bed at 8:30pm
* tired (can't I take a nap at work?)
* smelly - my sweat was pretty strong last week
* sensitive to smell of car exhaust and cigarette smoke (and cooked brown rice -- I had all the windows open on Saturday to get rid of the smell
* little queasiness
* little headaches
* argumentative (I thought it was the PMS being weird this cycle but I guess not)
heavy feeling in lower abdomen
* mood swings that pass quickly (feel like crying and then it passes)

I'm feeling really tired right now like I need a nap. I'm also feeling a little warm right now as well as a kind of a general malaise. If I wasn't pg I would think I was getting sick. Here's another weird one, I keep feeling like going BLECH and sticking my tongue out -- how's that for weird (and no I'm not actually doing that).
I'm feeling pretty good this morning. I wasn't on the computer over the weekend much, we were trying to have a life (we work on computers all week long and then some).

My blood tests came back in the normal range. I got the second HCG test result on Friday afternoon and the level had doubled appropriately.

This weekend I decided to not go to New York at the end of the month since traveling that far would be stressful and I'm really sensitive to stress. Besides, I don't know how I'll be feeling then. I called and told my parents, brother, grandmother, great-aunt (she'll be 96 in Sept) and the mother of the bride -- my mom's cousin (I was going east for this wedding). I thought my mother was funny, she asked me when I told her "Are you sure?" My goodness, what does she think? I told my dad first and he replied excitedly "tell your mother". My brother was blown away. They knew we were trying for a long time but maybe they thought we couldn't do it.

We also told my partner's mother, brother and sister-in-law, aunt, uncle and cousin. The clan has been notified and activated on both sides.

When my bladder is full in the morning and I'm lying on my back I can see my fibroid faintly on the right side because of my uterus being swollen. The fibroid isn't feeling active so I hope there isn't any competition for blood supply going on so our baby can get all it needs. My breasts are really full and dense, that's the biggest symptom by far. I have noticed that I tend to feel more cramps, queasiness, and waves of emotions in the afternoon so that will be the biggest challenge at work until we are ready to tell everyone.