About My Retained Tissue Experience

(to a woman dx with retained POC)

I had retained tissue for certain after my d&c, it was due to my uterus being wrapped around my fibroid so the RE had a hard time reaching all of the tissue on the far side of the fibroid. My doc left the clinic a week after my procedure and I had to have a different RE pick up my care. She said that we could do a repeat d&c but the risk was that they might overdo the scraping; methotrexate which would require taking a break for a few months (and it isn't like that's not a pretty hardcore drug on its own -- it affects all the tissues in your body), or wait it out.

Since my beta was dropping she and we decided to wait it out. It took forever and I was having cycle weirdness and finally my body got fed up and did some really crazy things like not letting me sleep for more than 3 hours for over two weeks and then when AF arrived I was hemorrhaging, losing at least 2 pints of blood in 2 days. And then the bleeding continued on and off for another month up until my repeat d&c. I even asked the RE about all the bleeding I was having and she didn't have anything to offer me. I did see my acupunturist during this time and he was a huge help with symptoms like feeling like I was full of cold water, and feeling like I was drinking 3 triple espressos a day.

The only thing that caused any changes though during that time though was that I went to a health spa with a friend at the end of October. The first day of classes I took Feldenkrais, trancendental meditation, qi gong and walked a labrinth. That evening, 3 months after my first d&c, I passed a large chunk of tissue. There had to be something to all that meditational-like movement practices that caused things to shift. Still there was more left, and it was due to the fibroid preventing my uterus from contracting it out properly on it own, so I still had to have the surgery.

Oh, and to just make things feel freakier, I think the retained tissue continues to grow inside of you, though slowly dying off at the same time. Hence you get a larger mass of tissue with slowly lowering beta levels.

Your doc might consider using a hysteroscope while doing the repeat d&c to better see what they are doing though this requires a visit to the OR under general anesthesia for certain. I used cytotec to dialate my cervix for the repeat d&c.

If you do in fact have retained tissue take care of it sooner rather than later to save your body a lot of struggle and your heart a lot of pain. You want to end this physical connection to the miscarriage as soon as possible.

Hope this helps.

I finally got my period, the first one since my miscarriage in July, this past Saturday (Yeah! Time for a party!). My beta was still up last Friday, I hope to have another draw today to see if it has gone down more.

In the meantime I've noticed that my fibroid has gotten dramatically smaller over the past couple weeks (even more cause for celebration!) I've got a call into the doc to see if I can get another u/s to check on it as I'm starting up on my chinese herbs again and I want to know what we're working with. We'll start trying on the baby-making in October to give some time to treat my fibroid with herbs and acupuncture.

Now if this extra fat around my middle would just go away then I would be back to normal....

My fibroid I could feel prior to my getting pg and it was 6x7cm. It
grew a lot, at its peak measurement it was up to 9x11x11cm. A couple
weeks ago it was dropped to 8x9cm. When my bladder is full it is
really bad, when I'm lying down you can see it bulging out and it is
more uncomfortable than prior to my pg. Some pairs of pants I have
are also uncomfortable now because they put too much pressure on my
lower abdomen (I know you are probably clucking your tongues at me
telling me not to wear them then).

So, I know I have beta still in my system so it probably isn't
shrinking as much as it might eventually. If you have fibroids and
know by measurement or physical sensation (pelvic pressure, etc.),
how long did it take for them to shrink down for you?

I could live with the pressure prior to my pg but now I feel the
pressure so much that I keep thinking I might want to have it out.
Still, I will first try to shrink it back with acupuncture and herbs
which worked before.

So, can anyone share with me how long until their fibroids shrank
post pregnancy?

Grieving Loss

I think the hardest part about early loss, especially for us first time mothers, is that we are just starting to get used to the idea of being pregnant and beginning our plans for the next year and then suddenly you aren't expecting anymore. One book I have talks about how it is helpful to recognize that you and your husband are grieving different things -- you each had your own hopes and dreams about your baby. Over the past week my partner and I have had some ups and downs, sometimes he's the only one I can talk to about it and other times I hate how he acts about our loss. Try to use your extended network for support and not just your husband, it can help a little in my experience. But do let yourself grieve.

Too much progesterone -- looks like fibroid grew

I'm still recovering from my miscarriage post d&c and I'm thinking that my uterus is mostly back down to its smallest size, wrapped around my fibroid. I had a feeling that my fibroid grew during the early weeks of pregnancy but since the uterus was enlarged it was hard to be sure. Now though, when I lay on my stomach (doing some exercises on the floor last night) I can feel my uterus/fibroid as I lay there. Big bummer eh? (I had a 6x7cm single intramural fibroid on the right side of my uterus)

My doctor put me on supplemental progesterone since my levels tend to be low, 50 mg of progesterone via vaginal suppositories twice daily. The progesterone actually made me feel like I was on a roller
coaster -- I felt horrible. I only know it was the progesterone since I stopped taking it when we found out our embryo wasn't developing and I felt so much better.

My progesterone level when checked last fall was 9.4 ng/ml, when it
was checked when I got pregnant (about twice the number of days from
ovulation as when I had the previous test) it was 19.8 -- so it had
doubled in twice the amount of time. Studies have shown lower
progesterone levels have been linked to higher miscarriage rates
(http://www.inciid.org/fertinews/progthresh.html), although there is
some disagreement in the medical community as to whether or not
supplementing progesterone will help keep women from miscarrying.

So, I'm not sure if I just have lower progesterone and that's normal for me and it will be fine, or if it might have contributed to our loss (one can only speculate at this time). I imagine that it is possible that my progesterone was low and I needed supplemental but maybe not as much as I was given, or that maybe just the fact that my fibroid is present means that the extra progesterone is going to cause growth regardless and unless it is removed it will always cause the same problem. Hormone levels in early pregnancy aren't that high, so it is possible that this was more progesterone than I could handle and that it wasn't balanced out with the estrogen.

I'll let you know if I learn any more, if my fibroid shrinks any or
if there are new numbers from the ultrasounds I had in the past month about the size change from early June.

A message to another woman going through a miscarriage:

I found out on July 1 that we had a blighted ovum, so there wasn't a baby but just a gestational sac. I was deeply sad the first few days about not getting to be a mother. My doctor had us do a follow up u/s the next week which confirmed that no baby was present.

I was offered d&c or to miscarry naturally, I also looked into mifepristone (RU-486) but my doctor said since I have a large fibroid that he didn't think it was a good idea. My doctor was out of town the following week and I opted to have the d&c on July 19th. I figured I was giving my body a good chance to figure it out on its own by waiting.

Well, nothing changed while I waited and it just got kind of frustrating in a way that my body was spending so much energy on a pregnancy that wasn't going anywhere. I would see pg women on the bus or walking downtown and think "I'm pregnant too, but with nothing" and I hated having that in common with them. I also found that I couldn't talk to most people about what had happened, since it wasn't over yet. People heard about our failed pregnancy but didn't quite understand that I was still pregnant.

I had the d&c a week ago on Monday and it wasn't that bad. My doctor is an RE and did an u/s guided procedure to just remove the products of conception and not disturb the endometrium. The full on scrape out type of d&c can lead to scarring. [link=http://worthwhile.blogspot.com/2004/07/im-back-and-i-survived.html]You can read about my d&c here[/link].

The d&c is just helping move along the process of ending the pregnancy. The body has one way to recover from pregnancy and it uses it for miscarriage as well as normal delivery. I'm sure the resulting symptoms are stronger the longer one has been pregnant since the hormone levels only get higher.

[b]I'm someone who likes to know the details about what is going on so I'm sharing my experience with early pregnancy loss with you but skip if you don't want to know[/b]

There isn't a lot of information about what happens post d&c and I don't want to freak you out but in order to prepare you (and others) I will describe what I experienced (and other may have different experiences):

Day 1: (day of procedure) Feeling a little out of it and tired the rest of the day.

Day 2: I went back to work but couldn't really do anything. I felt kind of numb about the experience. Some cramps and very light spotting. A hot water bottle helped.

Day 3: Felt very tired in the afternoon. Still light spotting and occasional cramping. Fairly productive at work. In the afternoon I started feeling really sleepy. I felt sick in the evening which I think was a combination of a 24-hour virus coupled with a big hormonal shift. I got bloated and had a fever overnight (probably unique to my experience).

Day 4: Headache, neck and backache. Stayed home. Still had a fever for part of the day. Slept in the afternoon.

Day 5: Still felt a headache, stayed at home. Cramps all day long. Around 4pm they started getting worse. I tried laying down but they were overwhelming. I had really intense cramping which hurt from just below my ribcage to halfway down my thighs. I took ibuprofen but it didn't really help. Red wine and a hot water bottle offered the best relief. I started bleeding finally around 10pm. The labor like cramps went on until 2:30am at which time I guess they subsided or something because I fell into a deep sleep.

Day 6&7: More cramping, headache, backache and now sadness. Sadness and anger at having to go through this experience.

Day 8: Back to work. Very weepy. Still uncomfortable with cramping.

Day 9: Stayed at home. Saw my chiropractor for a regular appointment (treatment for a back injury) and asked him to do what he could to make sure nothing was contributing to the cramping pain. In the afternoon I had a massage and the massage therapist gave me an abdominal massage, not deep tissue or anything just helping go over the middle. I cried during that part. I ran a little way with my dog in the park and my breasts were killing. I realized when I got home that lactation had kicked in.

Day 10 (today): Stayed at home again. I was feeling very exhausted today. I had an acupuncture appointment this morning to help balance me out. He told me that my liver was out of balance and that it was throwing off my kidney and spleen as well. He said that the bleeding aggravated my anemia and that there was some blood stagnation. He helped get rid of a lot of the pain in my abdomen. I asked him what I could do for my liver since it seems to be the most out of whack and he suggested a small amount of red wine -- which I had already been taking each day and really did seem to be the only thing that helped.

I looked up in my medical endocrinological text today about the lactation thing. Evidently 3-4 days post delivery the levels of progesterone and estrogen drop and prolactin has the stage to itself, those other hormones no longer suppressing its action on the mammary glands. It is supposed to go away on its own, provided you don't add any stimulation, in about a week or so.

The only thing that I would do differently if I could turn back time would be to know about this process ahead of time so I would be more prepared than the fact sheet they gave me that said "you may experience some cramping and bleeding" and I do wish the doctor had given me a prescription for a strong pain killer ahead of time.

The other thing I think we should accept is that society doesn't expect women who have gone through labor to deliver babies to go back to work right away. I think we need to remember that if we who have miscarriages experience labor, that we give ourselves the same TLC that we would want as a new mother.

I'm really sorry for your loss but hopefully knowing more about the physical process will help you through it. It is an emotionally and physically draining experience but allow yourself time to grieve and recover. I think I'm going to wait a fully cycle to try again, but maybe not.

I had the worst time yesterday from about 4pm. I was having what I can only describe as someone stabbing me multiple times in the abdomen with a sword and then dying. These were uterine cramps that were probably similar to labor. My uterus decided that it was time to redecorate and worked really hard to rip out the old endometrial lining. It went on for hours, from 4pm until I fell asleep and was still squirming when I got up to pee at 2am.

I tried everything I could think of -- red wine (4 glasses), passion flower tea, lemonbalm tea, chocolate (no really, it is supposed to help), anti-cramping meds I had from France when I had salmonella poisoning, a hot water bottle. Finally I took a muscle relaxant at 12:30 and that seemed to take the edge off a bit, at least it helped me sleep. I felt like a bit time drug abuser, and normally I'm such a straight-edge person, but I had to do something.

I finally had some more productive bleeding so I guess all my uterus's hard work was paying off. It was so bad I considered taking a taxi to the hospital and asking them to give me a sedative.

My partner isn't here, he left for Los Angeles yesterday to spend the weekend with his brother and mother. It's his brother's bday. I'm so glad that I knew not to go, I had a feeling something like this might happen and I couldn't imagine going through it on a plane!

I'm feeling better today and my exciting news is that yesterday my basel temp was 98.2 and this morning 97.8 -- the lowest temps I've had since I was pg. Actually this morning's temp puts me back below the CL and so we have actually reset the cycle on my body! Yeah!

ouch! Agonizing and debilitating cramps

So Wednesday night I lost half of my pg belly -- that was pretty dramatic. I can't believe how fast my body was reorganizing itself.

Today, Friday I missed work again since I still had a killer headache and some cramping. This progressed to major agonizing cramping around 4pm that had me moaning and writhing in pain. I ate chocolate -- helps keep anandamine, a pain and tranquilizing substance the body produces (similar to THC in marajuana) around in the body longer. I drank 2 glasses of red wine, took an anti-cramping drug I got in France a couple years ago when I had salmonella and then drank 1/3 cup of passion flower tea. I then tried breathing exercises and sat in the summer heat on my front porch with a hot water bottle for 2 hours and finally my cramps started to subside.

I was then able to go out for dinnner with friends, drank more red wine, and the cramping was pretty quiet for a couple hours. Then I went to a friend's house and she's an herbalist and made me lemonbalm tea which, like passion flower, is supposed to be a nerve tonic. Drinking that and holding the hot mug to my belly both helped some as the cramps were coming back.

I wasn't having any major bleeding until about an hour ago, still light by the menses benchmark but red and not dark like before. I feel like someone has stabbed me with a sword a couple times in the abdomen and I'm dying to be honest. I'm now having another glass of red wine and going to go to bed with the hot water bottle clutched to my abdomen in spite of the heat wave we are having here in Seattle. Whatever it takes.

OUCH!

I hope this subsides by morning.

I was so sick yesterday and my partner had to go to work in the morning and I was worried. Last night I even told him the nice things I wish he would say to me -- "I'm sorry you aren't feeling well", "I'm sorry this is so hard on your body", "I love you and I want you to be better". He then goes, "I'm really glad you have that out of you and had the procedure done." I gave up and asked him to bring me a hot water bottle for the cramps which he did. What can we do but throw up our arms. They mean well. Come to your girlfriends for the real support.

Why does it seem like there isn't any information about what happens when you miscarry, not the clinical stuff but the physical stuff.

When I left work yesterday I was feeling a bit woozy so I bought a bottle of water before I met a friend visiting from out of town. We then walked to a pub and I felt like laying down but I decided to be a trooper and push through it. I drank about 36 ounces of water over the next few hours and got incredibly bloated. I remembered that the hypothalmus helps control our cycles and also is involved in managing how much water is in our systems -- its what decides when you have to pee. I figure that my brain and endocrine system is starting to make some big adjustments but I was so swollen. My skin felt hot, my breasts had shooting pains, I had a headache and my hearing was weird -- everything sounded hollow.

We took a cab home and I got in bed and took my temp with has been over 100 since last night and was over 101 for several hours. I ache all over, my back and neck and legs in particular -- sort of like when I get the flu. This morning I also had some intense cramps and my heaviest bleeding so far of dark menstrual blood but it isn't really heavy compared to my period.

My partner called the doc this morning and they say this is normal and expected. I can understand why reorganizing my body to shift functions away from the pregnancy is a big deal I just didn't know I would feel like I had been hit by a truck.

Is my experience so far similar to yours? Is each miscarriage its own deal? This is a fairly cruel process overall but I guess that's the way the equipment works. I just makes it even harder that we don't get to have a baby and instead have to go through this.

I was starting to get worried because I was only spotting ever so lightly. This morning I decided that some exercise might help so I did some ballet for 30 minutes and tried relaxing my uterus. This did help as the bleeding has increased, but it is still fairly light. I'm glad to be making some progress.

Actually a little while ago I went to the bathroom and had a cramp so bad that it brought tears to my eyes. I'm now sitting with a heating pad on my lap as I work and I think it will help take the edge off.

Adventures in miscarrying.

I'm back and I survived. Overall I have to say it was a relief to finally have this d&c done. I think it was all the prayers that helped make this easier for me. Thank you!

My doctor was great, so careful and conservative. He definitely has a lot of experience working in that area. The nurses were awesome; they were so nice and caring. The procedure was done in the operatory suite where they retrieve eggs for IVF patients. The nurses gave me warmed blankets over my shoulders and stomach and kept my legs and feet warm with towels as well.

Having had a more than typically painful HSG last year, I think that I was better prepared for the sensations which were similar but just more and longer. When I had my HSG the RE tried to help stretch out my uterus for better films, the uterus being wrapped around the fibroid. She did this by pressing the speculum in different directions which pulled on the ligaments I guess. I had cramps for days afterwards. I also have periodic pelvic pain from my fibroid so again, this wasn't shocking to me. If I had never had any such discomfort in my life it probably would have been worse. The nurses and doctor all said that I was a great patient with a good pain tolerance. They asked if I did yoga, I told them that I danced -- I think they were amazed that I could sit in stirrups for so long as it took a while for us to get started.

The worst thing was that it took 3 tries to get the IV started and I left the hospital with bandages on both arms.

My partner was there in with me the entire time which was a great relief, more than I would have supposed. Once the sedatives kicked in I kept babbling on and on about all kinds of things although mostly about how odd this experience was.

Yesterday afternoon I came home and took a nap on the couch for a while. Then my sister and one of my best friends came over and spent time with me for a few hours. my partner and I walked down the street for a late dinner at 9pm. I mostly felt tired.

I feel a little crampy today and I've had just a minor amount of spotting so far. My temp was a little elevated this morning so I'll keep an eye on that. It might just be my thyroid trying to adjust itself at this point.

I actually have less pelvic pain now than I did before the procedure, I think that is because of my fibroid already distending the uterus. My breasts are also starting to soften slightly -- yippee! My doc is still cool with me TTC with the fibroid intact. I did find out that he is leaving the hospital to go out on his own at the end of the month. He'll only be 30 minutes away in Everett, WA but still I'm bummed since that is a hike and it took so long to find someone I like and trust.

I have some tears trapped inside of me still, I know they will come out sooner or later but I'm doing pretty good over all. A little numb maybe but I feel like a survivor.

I dragged my partner out to a lavender festival this weekend. It was great to get away from home. We spent the night at a friends house and drove around the countryside today. I got a lot of fresh air and sunshine and didn't allow myself to mope around all weekend. I feel like it is crazy that our embryo didn't develop and that we've known that since July 1 but here it is the 18th and I'm still pregnant. Almost over finally. It's been an odd journey over the past couple weeks, including hormonal ups and downs. I'm feeling closer to normal today, not sure if it was the sun or if maybe my HCG is dropping. My nipples are still sore and my abdomen is still fluffy (aka: fat).

I'm about to head over to the hospital to get un-pregnant. I wonder how long it will take to get over this. My biggest thing now is finding some sanitary napkins in my purses that I can consolidate. I haven't bought any and I was just out when we found out we were pg in June. I hope I don't feel bad this afternoon. Send me your best thoughts and prayers please.

I'm about to head over to the hospital to get un-pregnant. I wonder how long it will take to get over this. My biggest thing now is finding some sanitary napkins in my purses that I can consolidate. I haven't bought any and I was just out when we found out we were pg in June. I hope I don't feel bad this afternoon. Send me your best thoughts and prayers please.

Crazy. I just got off the phone with my 95 year old aunt. My family is back East and I haven't really been in a good place to talk about what has happened with my pregnancy. I sent email and hoped that my parents could pick up the slack.

My aunt didn't know, somehow she missed the email. I think she was calling me because she was excited. She started telling me about the loss of her only child, stillborn, some 70 year ago. She also lost her husband, and her best friend died towards the end of her pregnancy -- all within the same year. I'd heard this story before but not from her. When we finished talking I could tell she was crying. I feel so terrible for her suffering, and for bringing back bad memories.

I'm having a bad day today so I stayed at home. I was dreaming about the d&c scheduled for Monday and I woke up feeling very emotional and out of sorts. Monday my procedure is scheduled for noon, no food after midnight, only clear liquids until 5:30 AM or so and then I'll be on a fast. I can only imagine how crappy I will feel post procedure since I'll still have the HCG in my system -- and that seems to be what makes me puky/hungry all the time.

I don't know what to do except pray for all the lost babies and for their mothers.

I had the option of scheduling the d&c with the other doc this week but I've never seen her and I really like my RE. He's out of town this week. With a "missed abortion" it can take until weeks 10-16 for the body to recognize that the pg isn't happening I understand. For some women that won't happen at all and their bodies just keep increasing the production of HCG.

No, I don't have any signs that anything is subsiding, it is a little tiring and the worst is that being around other pg people I think to myself "I'm pg too, but not with a baby" -- it is a little isolating.

In the meantime, I'm going to try to hire some painters to patch and paint our hallway/stairwell, dining room and living room. Our house is from 1906 and the walls need some repair. I would do it but my neck always goes into spasm if I do too much since I've had whiplash twice. I better start calling around today to start getting quotes. Hopefully I'll get pg again soon but I wouldn't want to be around the paint fumes in early pg so I better use this TTC break wisely.

I asked my partner yesterday and he said that he did want to start trying again as soon as we're able to. My goal is to be pg by the time I have my next dental appointment right before Christmas since they know and I would hate to have to tell them that it didn't work out.

I don't know what it is that makes me research so much. I think it is just my nature, I feel more comfortable when I know what is going on. My mother said that as an infant I would scream when she put me in the bassinette because I couldn't see what was going on. If they placed me in the baby seat inside of the bassinette I was fine since from that position I could look around. I think it is related to that this researching bug I have.

I'm tired of being pregnant, my symptoms are growing again; they had subsided when I stopped taking the progesterone. I have a tummy that I couldn't exercise off if I wanted, my breasts are hurting more in the morning and my nipples are sore too. I'm also having weird food/appetite things again where I'm hungry but feel yucky or starving and eat way too much. It is hard to eat properly since half of what I eat sits like lead in my stomach. Just one more week until it is over.

It is a little bit interesting getting to watch the symptoms without having them be as emotionally charged as when you know you are growing a new life inside of you. This is my fire drill, just preparing me for the real thing. We were talking last night and my partner said he had played his first game of basketball since turning 40. I said well I got pregnant while I was still 33 and he replied "I got someone pregnant before I turned 40!" It was kind of funny.

It's my birthday and I'm how I thought I would be, not in the mood for celebration. My great-aunt phoned from NY this AM at 6:50!!!! She's 95 so I won't fault her for that. I just don't want to talk to my family at all though. I did leave a message for my parents a little while ago, I haven't spoken to my mother since we found out about our B.O.

My partner's family was all here before, my little nephew too. And his sister-in-law, the one who is due in February. I feel numb around them kind of. The party tonight is going to be hard, I'll probably go hide in the attic or something. His mother and SIL did make all the food for the party yesterday so we didn't have to do anything which is really nice. I just wish I didn't feel this way.

Today I'm crying, at least right now I am. I guess I had to hold it in all week at work so I might as well let it out now while no one is around.

I dreamt last night that my uterus kept swelling on the non-fibroid side so that I had a large lump on one side of my abdomen. Since my gestational sac is still growing that might be the cause. I'm sooooo tired this morning, I think because I didn't have enough sleep last night. I'm due to call a client in 15 minutes to review a PowerPoint presentation -- I need to go review and see if I can come up with any intelligent questions and poignant things to say. Maybe I can send someone else out for coffee.

I'm getting my hair cut today for my birthday, I colored my hair last night -- just enough gray in my dark hair to make it noticeable and with the pg I was holding off coloring it. Now I have the opportunity to be pg and break all the rules -- I can eat soft ripened cheeses, clean the litter box (we don't have one but bear with me), travel internationally, not take my vitamins (although I probably should), eat sushi, dye my hair, eat junk food, drink coffee -- how about them benefits?

The second u/s yesterday showed again just a big empty sac, that keeps growing. Actually the sac size matches almost to the day the length of my pregnancy. My RE is due to call me at work today to discuss my options. It is frustrating to be pregnant but not -- you want to be either not trying and not pg, pregnant with a healthy baby or trying. This is purgatory.

The prospect of a d&c (dust & clean I saw someone refer to it as) kinda freaks me out