Wednesday, June 22, 2005

This evening I'm feeling frustrated, just a little bit but it's there. How did this happen to me again? How is it that I was so close and then the whole project got called off. Why wasn't I consulted? I don't feel like I lost a baby, I feel like I lost a pregnancy. Next time, if I can sort it out so that we don't lose it I imagine people coming up and asking me "oh, is it your first?" and I will answer "No, it is my third pregnancy and no I don't have any children."

When I'm coming to and from the house I think of my neighbors and how they must perceive our life as this childless couple. Little do they know what has happened in their midst. Yet again.

I wish I could be even trying again but I'm still in the midst of getting rid of the remainder of this loss (still haven't passed the tissue -- I think I'm going to have to try drugs this weekend).

1 comment:

Anna H. said...

I so hear you on this -- so many whys.

And I too wonder what our very family-oriented neighbors must think of us as a childless couple... little do they know how much we envy their life with their children. I'm pretty sure that they don't envy our life with our sad faces!

Thinking of you.

xxoo