Saturday, December 18, 2004

I went to dance class today.

My doc said after 6 weeks I could return to normal activity; my six weeks were up yesterday. My body started complaining a couple days ago about wanting some exercise, I started getting achy -- amazing that it took that long. I ran down the block and back with my dog -- I can move again.

So this morning I knew from the aches and pains that I still needed more movement, to help get my energy flowing again. I went to a beginning modern dance class -- I've been studying modern dance since I was 5 so this wasn't something far-fetched. Anyway, as part of the warm-up we do some abdominal work, not sit-ups but lots of moving and stretching and small crunches and contractions. I got through that, taking a break for parts of it. Then we did footwork, brushes, tendus, degagés, passés (for those of you who have studied ballet or modern).

After about a half hour my fascia had enough stretching and was complaining so I stopped; my legs and arms and back were fine though perhaps a little weak. I've been kinda tired since, though I was run down before then as well -- I think it is my anemia from all my bleeding. I remembered how someone asked if they could do yoga a couple weeks ago, and how interesting it was to finally be the one getting to move again myself. My advice is take it slow, stretch a lot, listen to your body and stop if you need to. I'm going to keep up the exercise over the next few weeks and when I return from vacation I'll try to hit dance class again and I bet I'll be that much stronger.

You think you have a plan...

When I was younger I thought I would start having children when I was 28 but then that year my partner had his vasectomy reversal. We thought we would wait until I was 30 or so before we'd start trying, then 2000 rolled around and his S/A wasn't good. We stopped using protection and nothing happened, but we weren't ready for it then anyway. Then there was 31, and 32, we'd be ready by then. Well I can't say I really felt ready when we started TTC in 2002, and only later did we find out that my body wasn't really ready yet either -- at the same time I was diagnosed with my fibroid I was told I had bacterial vaginosis. A few weeks later my naturopath told me that not only was I anemic but that I really needed to do something about it. This all in spite of regular cycles -- well at least my pituitary and ovaries still work. Then 2003 was all about research into fibroids and hormones -- and not having surgery and crying after a lot of doctor's appointments. 2004, it started out hopeless, then gradually things started to change. We had treatment planned and then we even got pg on our own -- what a surprise. This second half of the year has been about letting go, grieving, healing, changing, transformation, and recovery.

I'm 34 now and I'll be 35 in six months time. I wonder where 2005 will take me, but I'm sure that I can't possibly predict.

Friday, December 17, 2004

Six Weeks -- Feeling Pretty Fine

I haven't had my laptop so I haven't been able to upload any photos in a week. I'll have some soon of my healing belly. I don't think you can see much change on the outside but I can definately feel the difference on the inside. I'm a lot less sore now and I have more energy.

My cramps were awful last week, I thought I was going to die and I had spotting which isn't normal for me. My period came last week, over a week late, and it wasn't normal. I had more hemorrhaging for several days and felt very light-headed. It doesn't even take that much blood loss for me to feel this way. I was anemic to start with, something I've been working on since my surgery by taking iron supplements. I think my uterus might have had a hard time contracting properly and maybe it was still adjusting to all the recent changes.

I looks like things are getting back into order though, all biological signs are A-OK now. My incision is still sensitive but I don't have to wear the granny knickers anymore and I can comfortably sleep on my belly at night. Wednesday morning my body told me it was time to exercise again. I've been aching for the first time since my surgery, the kind of aches you get when you don't exercise for a while. I've been trying to pick it up and do more physical activity including a little jogging down the street and push-ups.

We babysat my 26 month old nephew at the beginning of the week and the kid had us running around for hours. My partner says that he's not sure he wants one now, that his life will be certainly over if he has to do that every night. I don't think he is serious, he would love a baby if we had one and be awesome about it. I told him we can get an au pair, though I don't know that we really would do that. We'll figure it out when the time comes.

My partner also noticed the other day that for the first time in a couple years there is this lightness to my person, some weight being lifted. I think it is from the fibroid mostly. It was a big psychological burden on me to know that I wasn't well and that I had to manage a condition that may or may not affect my fertility. My partner said that now I know I can get pregnant and now that the fibroid is gone things are looking a lot easier. Let's hope so.

It will be another 8 weeks or so until we're able to start trying to conceive. I'll be away on vacation for part of that time and then I'm going to try to take some art classes in the new year to help keep my mind off of it all.