Saturday, June 05, 2004

The psychological burden of fertility

Infertility I think, from a psychological burden standpoint is so hard to take. Will we or won't we? Can we or can't we? Actually I know people who don't even plan on having children who still struggle with their fertility.

One friend of mine thinks this is due to the fact that out of any of our instincts the desire to reproduce would be one of the strongest since that is what perpetuates the species. Watching the birds nesting in our yard and how they do it year after year in spite of the grueling feeding schedules I think that is probably true.

I called the fertility clinic on Thursday and got the SPA test results which are completely normal (a good ratio of sperm penetrated the ova showing good functioning). I've got an ultrasound scheduled for Wednesday to check up on my fibroid. I had continued growth from September 2002 through February 2004; I would love to see that there was no growth but that might be too much to ask for.

My partner is feeling really good about the IUI prospects and he's getting psyched up for me getting pregnant soon. It is kind of cute but it feels so far from reality to me. It feels like winning the lottery, you can't even imagine what it is like until you do it. There are sooooooo many pregnant women and new babies in town right now that I'm constantly gazing after. I try not to make it too much of a head trip but it is hard to not think Why not me?

Thursday, June 03, 2004

SPA Test Results (poor hamster)

I just got off the phone with our fertility clinic and they gave me the results from the SPA test (the hamster egg test). The results were 5.8 and less than 2.x is failing. She told me that we were normal.

They didn't check morphology this time (I tell him he's got to ask for these things or else they forget) and his count is 36 million and he had 57% motility. Not too bad.

I would love to know if there was any change in the morphology due to his supplements but no such luck this time.

Then, I heard the oddest story today. This woman couldn't get pregnant and was going to have a hysterectomy (maybe for pain). Since she wanted to have a baby they did some procedure on her to remove endometriosis. She had odd adhesions maybe covering her ovaries. They cleared out the film that was blocking the passage of the egg and low and behold she got pregnant with quadruplets -- and this was totally natural, no medications. How crazy is that?

The only other boy tests I can think of us having done is the SCSA test (thanks for reminding me) which I'm waiting to hear back from the UR about, and then maybe more blood work since his FSH was a little high at last check a while back.

Here's for small blessings!

Wednesday, June 02, 2004

Nothing much happening here. I've gotten so used to the not being pregnant signs that I know nothing is going on with me this month. I only wish we had a hint of something EVER. Sometimes it is hard not to feel sterile through all of this. (I'm just tired and cranky from PMS right now). My partner still hasn't called the doc to set up the appointment to review the SPA test results. Maybe next week while AF is visiting, that would be a great time don't you think

I did speak with my friend of 20+ years this morning and she had just finished nursing her week-old twins. It was nice talking to her and seeing how she was doing with this new life phase and responsibility. I could hear one of the babies over the phone making little squimy whimpers. I'll see them later this month.

Please God let something work for us.