Phlegm Again

I don't know that I've really mentioned it but for the past few weeks I've been having more and more problems with post-nasal drip. It's gotten so bad that I have been gagging in the mornings. It was getting progressively worse. While I might have had a touch of some slight illness last week that didn't help, this was something else. I knew that I needed to see my acu about it so I got in this morning for a treatment.

Evidently my spleen qi was depleted and that was letting the phlegm overwhelm. She did a lot of points on my legs to help dry things up, and amazingly within 20 minutes my sinuses weren't congested any longer. Phew. I hope it holds a while.

She asked me how I was doing with the blood building foods, evidently I'm still showing signs of blood deficiency (not unexpected though). I also asked her about foods that I should be eating or not, as with the pregnancy it is a little harder to be as rigid about some of the diet, especially when my body is so demanding of food and sometimes quite specific about what it wants. She said some dairy was okay, but definately not ice cream (oops). More corn, celery, melon, rye, turnip, scallions, kidney beans...

My acu today asked me if we thought we were going to have a boy or a girl and I replied that we definately were planning on having either a boy or a girl. My other acu had guessed based on my pulses that we were having a girl but today the acu who usually sees me checked and she said she was going to say boy. She said my kidney pulse was strong for female but everything else was boy.

My french teacher also thinks boy. My early sense of it, in the first couple of weeks after the BFP was boy. I guess we'll see eventually.

My next OB appointment is on Tuesday afternoon. My partner will be there as well. I love that he is so committed to participating in this with me. He says "it's mine too."

I find this point of pregnancy is a little quieter, less nausea, body more adjusted to symptoms on the whole. Yeah, I don't fit into a lot of my clothes but if I sit still I can still pretend that it's just regular-old me that isn't pregnant right now. I kinda like that. But man, when I look in the mirror I'm just amazed at my expanding figure. The boobs! The belly! The butt!! I don't think I've ever been quite this big in my lifetime.

Today is Saturday August 12th 2006.
You conceived on Saturday May 27th 2006
and your due date is Saturday February 17th 2007.

77 days have passed since the conception,
and you are 189 days before your due date.

You are 13 weeks into your pregnancy,
and you have 27 weeks to go.

You are in the 2nd trimester.

29% of your pregnancy has passed, there is 71% left to go.


From my pregnancy calendar on the AmazingPregnancy.com site.

My first maternity purchase

After my only pair of pants that fits quit on me yesterday I decided it was time to buy something. I stopped by The Gap in downtown Seattle on the way home from work, hoping no one would see me, and ducked into the maternity area. I was looking for some dark jeans and they had a couple options, not brilliant but enough. There was one pair that matched and fit like I wanted to, a demi panel bootleg pair with room for my belly and butt to grow if they want.

I also grabbed a few other things to try on, a skirt, a sweater, but those items made me look more pregnant -- something I'm still trying to downplay. They had this odd looking thing on the wall and it took me a while to figure out that it was to help envision how big your belly would be (beige, polyester with velcro, strap-on belly falsie that it was). I tried it out for a second with one top and promptly removed it as it freaked me out to look at that body shape. I don't want to think about getting that big!

I didn't feel as awkward as I might have thought, probably because necessity was really driving my shopping trip. I decided to hold off on buying anything else until my parents come to visit next week. That would be a good thing to do with my mom.

My sister dropped by last night and told me not to shop at Pea in the Pod -- she said the store name freaks her out. Ha! I'm thinking that checking out maternity consignment might be worthwhile, there's a place nearby.

Just came across this blog post from Chic Mommy which reveals the true extent of what motherhood can mean.

Shopping for Undies

So I had a client meeting in another city nearby this morning and when I got back downtown I realized that the underwear I had on was just not going to cut it -- or rather was totally cutting into my behind and I hate VPLs.

So I stopped by Macy's and bought new knickers and three new bras -- that fit me. Well actually the knickers are a size 8 which is a bit loose, but I started out a size 6 and that's basically a no go at this point. I had some 7s that fit well from when I had my abdominal surgery, and a few 8s that are loose as well. But really, I needed more so that I wasn't having to do laundry every 5 minutes.

Bizarrely I've already gone up a full band size. I was between a 32/34 and between a B/C but now I'm between a 34/36 (favoring 36) and about a C. I'm so excited about better fitting bras.

I'm rather pleased with myself, even if the increase in garment sizes is a little daunting.

My fever went away and gradually throughout the day Monday I felt better.

My uterus seems to be a bit higher now, about 1-1/2 inches above my pubic bone. I'm sure I'm measuring ahead height wise but I've got that fibroid in there too. I'm hoping Twyla will take a break now that we are approaching the next tri. There's a chance that her growth will slow down.

I went out for sushi last night and I was dying as I wanted to eat the usual. I did indulge in one piece of raw fish only, and a couple of sips of Sapporo (beer) and was quite contented. Otherwise everything I ate was either vegetarian (umejiso) or cooked (ebi). We went out for dessert afterwards, there were three of us, and each ordered one so we could all have a taste. I came home and ate an orange as I was still hungry.

that's funny, me at peace.

Someone online said I that seemed at peace. Rather I'm just trying to hold it together with all my work responsibilities, being short staffed and so tired all the time. I don't have enough energy to worry all that much to be honest -- but that seems a far cry from being at peace with things.

I've had a fever today and I was sooooooo tired this weekend. I'm not sure what it is but my body was really not happy about it. I'm so tired that I wonder if it is normal or not - I'm thinking not quite as if I was like this in the wild I surely would have died or been eaten by now. I keep asking myself how I could go through this again if we wanted more than one (hoping that this one makes it).

It's weird for me b/c ppl IRL that know want me to be happy and I'm just okay. (reminds me of The Smiths lyrics "and I'm not happy and I'm not sad. The dream has gone and the baby is real..."). My partner's mother asked him if I was less fearful. Um, hmmmm. It's like you can't even say anything b/c she so obviously doesn't understand what it is like to try so hard for so long and end up with death instead of life coming through you. Yes, things are happening now but nothing is a sure thing and those of us who have witnessed loss firsthand know that only too well now. My SIL was trying to be nice and ask about things last week and I don't really have anything to say other than how far along I am now. I know my parents are cautiously optimistic, hopeful but still cautious -- and they want a grandbaby so badly, at least I think they do.

Late First Trimester Symptoms

So, the symptoms have shifted over time and I thought I should post an update less anyone think that it's all the same throughout the first tri.

Around 9 weeks I slowly started feeling a little less nauseous -- only to have it swoop back in for a few good bouts. Still it was amazing to have those quieter moments. I didn't want to take my prenatals for a couple of weeks, not sure why my body wasn't into it. Now I'm being pretty good so I'm sure things are fine.

I have shifted my eating pattern pretty well -- I eat breakfast (fruit juice, toasted whole grain waffle with nut butter, fresh fruit); mid-morning snack if I need (fruit); lunch (sandwich quite often, sometimes eaten with a break in between to aid digestion when things were working slowly); afternoon snacks (ice cream, tortilla chips, soda, fruit); something as I'm heading home (fruit leather, fruit if avail.) and then dinner. I try to make sure I'm getting one good portion of protein a day, and including enough water. If I don't drink enough during the day then I make sure to hydrate a lot in the evening -- which does result in a lot of bathroom trips overnight but at least my body can do the cleansing it needs internally.

I haven't really gotten that much bigger, just a bit, from my first weeks. I guess I'm less bloated and a teeny bit more full. I'm up about 8 pounds from pre-pregnancy weight (I can't remember if I posted that yet). My breasts are a little less sore than they were, though my nipples are more sore -- at least it seems so to me. My breasts are definately bigger now, though thankfully no one seems to have noticed at the office. Skirts and dresses are working out a bit better for me as well and some pants I just can't wear to work.

My uterus has pushed a little above my pubis at this point, with the right side feeling achy from the fibroid growing in the wall -- it's familiar from the first pregnancy unfortunately. It doesn't bother me all the time, though a couple of weeks ago I felt it was aching more. I don't feel my uterus all the time, sometimes it's like nothing's going on at all. It's most present in the morning when my bladder is full -- or when I tried wearing my jeans to work yesterday and the waistband felt really uncomfortable down low on my belly.

I do have food cravings -- more like I'll see/hear/read about some food item and randomly my body will fixate on it. Right now I have an unfulfilled craving for meatballs and spaghetti, a cheeseburger and macaroni & cheese. I know that these things mostly won't make me feel great so I'm avoiding for now.

I am still tired. Tired, tired, tired. I mostly go to bed before 10:30 (sometimes as early as 8:30) but I wake up and I still feel tired. I pee usually two times before midnight, once in the middle of the night, once in the early morning and 1-2 times before work.

Sleeping, peeing and eating -- that's what I do these days. Surely there's some preparation for a kiddo in that pattern -- eh?

Thoughts on the First Trimester Screening

I have the option of doing this test if I want (all tests are optional really though) and I sort of always dreaded the thought of making a decision about it. Now, being here at almost 11 weeks, the decision is in front of me squarely -- and I find my instincts, my being, is telling me not to do it.

It's taken me four years to get this far -- which is why I'm now over 36. We've had two losses, early on, but both of them were drawn out over weeks, not to say months for the first one (July-October). I also had fibroid surgery -- and I've got a new fibroid growing.

I'll have a c-section either way, due to the fibroid surgery. I'm in a major city with an excellent hospital so it's not like labor is going to cause any complications. But none of that is my concern.

Having lived through my losses, I know the stress that waiting can bring when you already have the bad news. It's not something I want to bring on myself. It would be crushing for me, and I don't see any good that will come of it. I didn't ever due ART or hormones or anything, opting instead to find other means of healing my body enough to let it be able to carry (other than the needed surgery). I think even if I end up with a sick baby, I will feel more at peace with that than with knowing -- there's nothing to prepare for, what happens happen. I would rather let fate or God have a hand in it and just live with that outcome.

Come what may.

The Kid

The scan shows s/he's measuring 3.5 cm right now.

When the baby came up my partner's first reaction was "he looks just like me" LOL, what is he thinking. It's nice that he had such a strong sense of affiliation with his unborn.

The doc said that we're not out of the woods just yet, but that everything looks great.

Let's see what else, we met with a nurse first who gave us this booklet from the hospital and all these brochures to look at. Then she started asking questions and explaining things to us like we were going to have a baby. You have to imagine what it was like for us, as we were both sitting there thinking that maybe we would have a kid but then maybe the sky was about to fall again. In my head I was like "blah, blah, blah...yeah whatever if you want to pretend we are having a baby" It was very surreal as she just went on about this and that.

They asked about genetic defects and testing in several ways. I think we're going to do the first trimester screening where they look at a few measurements including primarily the nuchal translucency screening, plus some blood work to rule out big issues (hopefully). I've seen how women get online when they get results that put them in the possible range for an issue and it isn't pretty. That's my key hesitation. I'd have to do it in the next couple of weeks and they gave me all the codes to run it by my insurance company.

My doc started going on about appointment frequency and delivery and then I reminded him that I was a mandatory c-section -- unless of course he was feeling daring. He assured me that he was not. I gave him a copy of this article I read through an Ovusoft link this morning about a "natural c-section" and told him that I didn't know that I wanted to necessarily do something like that but perhaps he might find it interesting and we could discuss it later. We also brought up with the doc about how my partner didn't like being there for the d&c with the vacuum and not being on good drugs like I was -- he understood. At least this way we can address it as we get closer to delivery, about how we can make sure my partner is comfortable with the plan.

My next ob appt is in a month about. Sheesh, I would be in the second trimester then already.

Early Pregnancy Success Rates

Everyone online is always wondering when certain positives are linked with a reduction in the chance of pregnancy loss -- and a greater chance of having a baby. I've looked it up an found these references:

The loss rate after a normal scan was similar in symptomatic (10.6%) and asymptomatic patients (9.1%) and declined progressively with gestational age from 17.0% at 6 to 7.9 weeks to 4.3% at 12 to 13 weeks (P < 0.01, chi-squared).
From: Pregnancy outcome after a first trimester sonogram demonstrating fetal cardiac activity.

The pregnancy outcome of 347 patients with a confirmed, viable intrauterine pregnancy between 6.0 and 14.0 weeks, menstrual age, was determined. The miscarriage rate was 4.2% in a subgroup of patients without vaginal bleeding, as compared with 12.7% in a subgroup with bleeding
From: Fetal loss rate after ultrasonically documented cardiac activity between 6 and 14 weeks, menstrual age.

This one isn't an easy read, but it sort of looks like, in the absence of bleeding, the rate is around 4-5% chance of pregnancy failure after the detection of fetal heart activity. With bleeding it's a little more touch and go, with the miscarriage rates ranging from 11-16.5%.

There's a kid in there

My appointment went well this morning and I'll post my u/s pic later tonight. The kid looks perfect and measured exactly where it should 10w3d -- with a due date of February 17th, just like Ovusoft predicted.

More later. I've got to get some work done.

GTT/GDM Testing and alternatives

I've read so many times online about women throwing up from the GTT and it seemed to me that there had to be other alternatives (my friend Gato just went through that this week). I did a search and came across some interesting info that I thought might be helpful. Please feel free to add in any other options you may know about.

I have to take the glucose tolerance test and drink that awful sweet drink. I detoxed from sugar before pregnancy, are there any alternatives?

You may ask your doc to forgo the GTT unless you are actually spilling sugar into your urine. It does not have to be done routinely.

Here is another alternative from Helen.

At the beginning of December I wrote to you all asking about what I should do about the glucose test to see if I have gestational diabetes. I didn't want to drink the sugar drink because I know it would make me so sick. I mentioned it to my Doctor and he kind of murmured to bad but didn't give me any alternatives.

I decided to switch the midwifes at the office I go to so I can use the natural childbirth center. In the orientation they said all tests are up to me. So when I met with one of the midwifes I said I didn't want to take the glucose test that morning. She said instead of not taking it, she proposed a sugar sensitive friendly alternative. I'll pass it along in case it comes up with any of you.

She told me to fast starting at midnight. Go to the office first thing in the morning and have my fasting blood drawn. Then go out and have breakfast- protein and complex carb like I eat anyway. Then come back in 2 hours and have my blood taken again. She said that will tell her everything she needs to know. Now it is a bit of a pain because the test will take all morning instead of an hour, but I think it is worth it.

And one more suggestion from Julie

A few years ago (1999, I think) ACOG did a study that showed that 18 Brach's Jelly Beans (the small ones) had exactly 50 ml of glucose and was a valid alternative to the glucola for the gestation diabetes test. Women also tolerated the jelly beans much better with fewer side effects such as headache and nausea/vomiting. Maybe your care provider has heard of this and/or is willing to look into it to let you try it.
from: http://www.radiantrecovery.com/newsletter2/pregnancy.html

The American College of Obstetrics and Gynecologists (ACOG) said in a recent statement to the media that there is not one certain method to be used to effectively screen the pregnant population for gestational diabetes. They do not, however, know what screening is best or agree on when the screening should take place.

...

Testing for those women who have a positive screen for GDM can take many forms. The most common is a fasting glucose after a woman has been given a drink called glucola (concentrated sugar) and had her blood drawn. About four years ago some studies were done showing that ingesting 18 Brach's® jelly beans worked just as well as the glucola. The jelly bean test is a bit more pleasant and has few stomach side effects than the glucola for most women. It is also important to note that there is not one perfect time for testing for GDM and that this should be decided between the practitioner and the woman.

Jelly Bean Alternatives for Glucose Testing

Glucose Tolerance Testing

How, when, and why to test for gestational diabetes mellitus <-- great article

Some of my tips for controlling nausea in early pregnancy

These are some of the things I've been doing to help keep my nausea at bay:

* make sure I have protein a couple times a day -- typically meat, fish or cheese (not liking eggs right now) -- remember a serving of protein is the size of a casette tape

* carry snacks in my purse -- fruit leather works well, as did nuts for a while though I'm not digging the bitterness of walnuts right now

* tortilla chips have helped me out at work in the afternoon, just plain with a little salt on them

* keep the water going at all times, I carry bottles of water with me just about everywhere. I alternate between wanting plain water, water with lemon or lime in it, or wanting sparkling water.

* if you start to feel it kicking up on you go eat something right away, eat slowly while sitting down

* don't eat too much at once -- eating small amounts all the time will help prevent you from wanting to binge. Eating too much at one sitting will just cause you to have digestive problems including gas and constipation which is really, really not fun

* make sure you are getting your fruits and veggies in with your protein. Portioning out grapes into baggies I could grab on the way out the door helped, also cutting up a cantelope or pineapple and having it ready to go

* try ginger if you are having acid indigestion, it might just surprise you at how well it works -- freshly grated with hot or cold water, or even spice cookies with ginger in them can help.

* don't go for the simple sugars, they aren't going to make you feel better -- it's just empty calories and your body knows the difference

I also haven't been eating fried foods at all, and I normally eat a low fat diet that's pretty high in fiber. My mother told me that she didn't have any vomiting when she was pregnant so maybe it's partially a physiological thing that we share.

Also, the other day I just was feeling so nauseous. I left my acu appointment and thought I would be fine until dinner but obviously my body had other ideas. I dug in my purse for a fruit leather and ate that but my body was on a rampage. My partner called to let me know he was going out with a friend and as I walked along I had this dialogue in my head about whether or not I could make it home without eating something. My body decided no, so I went into Westlake Mall and ate dinner right then and there in the food court. I felt a bit silly about it, but then again not eating was not an option -- my body was starting to send those signals that something awful was going to happen if I didn't eat right then (if you have been pregnant you will know what I'm talking about). I had a mediterranean platter and felt so much better after that -- grilled chicken, hummous, salad, tabouleh, falafel, pita -- a nice well rounded meal. Be good to yourself.

90 degrees in the shade

Not typical Seattle weather, but we do get a few days here and there above 90. About the same number as we get below freezing -- if global warming and all that don't change things (who knows).

I've found that ice cream is my friend when I get over heated. At least something should help out. I'm not too keen on chocolate right now but I'm not too particular. I just had a Julie's Organic Ice Cream pop, blackberry with a chocolate shell. I also baked chocolate ginger scones this morning - so it's not like I'm abstaining from chocolate.

My Irish friend is visiting from Spain where he lives now; he's spent most of the day with us and thankfully he knows the meaning of siesta -- because this pregnant gal needs her naps. We had a really nice lunch on our front porch with a greek style salad, pita bread wedges and hummous. My friend leaves tonight, as he's off to a wedding in the morning and needs to take an early ferry so he's going to crash with one of the other wedding guest nearby. We might see him again tomorrow before he leaves.

With this heat my little belly is starting to feel a little more uncomfortable and I'm longing for loose-fitting sundresses. The reality is that I've got a few, and I'm sitting in one right now that I've had for years, but really shopping would be wise if this heat holds up. But, that isn't likely. Though, there will be more opportunities for wearing sundresses.

My parents are planning on coming for a few days in August for a visit. Which will be nice, but right now I feel like I'm just waiting for my appointment on Tuesday to tell me that everything is going okay. I don't know when this feeling that I'm going to get bad news will subside but hopefully soon.

No, I'm not worrying constantly about it. My partner and I talk about having a kid next year and we continue to make motions planning towards that eventuality. It's just that it doesn't feel real to me, like my heart isn't totally sure of it yet. Still, today marks 10 weeks and by the best of my figgerin' this is the longest I've ever been pregnant, even past the first one where I ovulated on May 24 and had a d&c on July 19 that time. This time I ovulated 3 days later and now it's three days later than the 19th. So, let's mark down another little step towards success.

Thanks for your comments. I know, I wish hiring people was easier but I think I'll know the right candidates when I meet them. And there are plenty of options we haven't explored yet.

Quick Update

I've been tired this week, not too much on the computer after hours and during work I've been pretty swamped. Here are some random things if you wanting to keep tabs on me (which is really nice of you).

Less nausea early in the week -- and then there was yesterday and today where I'm just having a hard time keeping up with my water and caloric intake needs. I think it's partially the heat and also my body maybe going through some more big hormonal changes this week.

I got my hair cut on Wednesday, the first time since April 2005. I didn't feel like getting it cut and I was also liking it being long. It was long enough that a good trim has it looking healthy again and it's still long. My stylist commented that I had a lot of new growth coming in, I muttered about being pregnant but he didn't hear me. So I guess that tale about pregnancy and your hair might be true.

My partner started checking my belly out more this week. He does it while I'm sleeping, just grabbing and feeling things. He says I'm definately getting bigger. Still not that big though and my transition clothing is holding up. Definately not that comfortable in some of my regular summer clothes though -- more that I'm not liking the way they hang on my current build.

I had acu yesterday, the first time in a few weeks. She did the standard ones that she's been doing -- inside ankles, inside wrists, crown of head. After she left the room I started feeling some achiness, it's related to my fibroid, sort of a line the runs up and down on the right side of my navel, down deep. I had it a lot this spring as well. Hopefully it was just things adjusting. I dozed on the table for a good 45 minutes and then the pain was gone when I awoke. She asked me if I had any sense of what we were having, and I told her that early on I had an inkling that it might be a boy but I really don't know. She said she was trying to check on my pulses but she wasn't sure yet, maybe next week.

My prenatal appointment and next check on things is coming up on Tuesday. I think we are ready for it. My partner is feeling pretty confident about things, me I'm just surviving -- being tired, tired, tired and keeping up with work.

We interviewed 6 people this week for a few different positions and none of them were quite right. If we are less picky then maybe. Sigh.

Nine Weeks Today

That seems like such a crazy idea, that I'm still pregnant at nine weeks. Sometimes I ask myself if I'm still pregnant and then I just press my boobs and they are still sore so I figure things are just keeping on.

I caught a virus this week, the first time I've been sick while pregnant I think. For all the normal queasiness, light headaches, fatigue and general malaise that comes with pregnancy it is in fact possible to feel worse. I couldn't eat, I didn't want to get out of bed, I had a low-grade fever, and my joints ached. Thankfully it was mostly one of those 24-hour affairs, at least the worst of it. I think that's why my mood was so dark this week though, that can happen when I'm fighting a virus.

Work was really strenous this week, I totally need some more help, particularly since my new project manager quit (but that person had some serious personality issues so it's no loss for us). I've already set up some interviews for this week. I hope that some good come out of it. It's hard to find talented people who are a good fit with our little company. We'll get there though -- we have to.

Feeling kinda lost

With infertility and loss I at least felt like there was a common struggle for me and my online buddies. Then there are all those happy pregnant people online, or the ones who obsess over every little symptom. I feel like I don't know where I fit in right now. I feel closer to my infertility and loss buddies, but I know that my being pregnant can be trying for them. I feel I have to hide it even a little more around them -- and generally I'm not boasting about it.

It's weird to not have people know at work, yet I've known for 5 weeks now. Then I have so many work responsibilities -- so now I get to do them, with out letting on that something is up, but feeling twice as bad with half the energy. I guess that's sort of raining on my parade too. The fatigue is pretty common, but I guess for me I still have so much going on that it's hard to just be thrilled about it.

I've sort of noticed that the women who seem the most thrilled tend to have invested the least in their education and careers. So, again it makes me feel like an outsider -- though I know there are lots of women out there like me as well. Besides, with infertility and all the other delays that contributed to some of us being more mature as we approach uncertain motherhood, we would be pretty lame if we didn't at least have more than pregnancy and TTC going on in our lives -- right?

The other weird part is just knowing how much the past four years have put a damper on my relationships. You find with the problem fibroids, and the infertility and then the miscarriages, that people who you were close to just couldn't deal with the intensity of it all. I found that I pulled back from developing new relationships -- and it ended up being for years. Now I'm trying to find my way out of that as well, and it feels awkward. I guess the little bit of success I've had so far with this current pregnancy has helped cushion my heart so I can speak more honestly about my losses. But then now I worry that I shouldn't let on too soon, because if something bad was to happen right now the whole world would dissolve into tears.

I guess that's the complexity of it. And its my reality.

More Nutrition Information

I found this great doc from the USDA last night which details the amount of folate in different food items.

Use the Acrobat Search feature (binoculars, fourth icon from the left on the Acrobat toolbar) to things up such as grapes or tortilla chips)

Folate Contents of Foods - USDA (PDF)


Also from the USDA there is also a tool, available online or for download to a PC, that will let you search items, enter in portion and then it will spit out a fill report on the nutritional content

What's In The Foods You Eat Search Tool

I also have these posts you might want to refer to:

Anemia & Iron Rich Foods

Non-Dairy Sources of Calcium

Tuesday

It's been two weeks since we saw that first little flicker. Kinda weird isn't it that I'm still here and my period is still staying at bay.

I've been feeling a little better, but still fatigued, and the nausea and heartburn come in waves. Today I feel like when you first get your period and you just want to stay in bed all day. But of course I couldn't. I managed to keep my growling in my head, except for one client who was being a bit stupid -- shaving 2.5 days off of our print production schedule and thinking that was okay. Not!

I think what is weird is having people expect me to be all thrilled and stuff. I just feel like I'm hanging in there. I'm not unhappy, I'm not happy -- I just am. There's still a long way to go.

My MIL spoke to my partner yesterday and said that I seemed reserved/cautious/not happy -- something along those lines. He told her I was doing fine, just being really natural about it all.

I told him that of course I wasn't thrilled, or ecstatic. We've been through too much for that. I'm doing just fine. My parents are really happy (first grandkid) and my partner is excited and that's enough for me.

I'm 8w3d today (45 days since conception) and evidently more than 17% of the way there -- since I would deliver early that percentage would shift a bit obviously. Supposedly the end of 8 weeks marks the end of the embrionic stage of development and then begins the fetal stage.

What else can I tell you...my partner spaced on our prenatal appointment on the 25th and booked a business trip then but I couldn't move the appointment so he moved his business trip --that's how much he wants to be there (which I think is really sweet).

Take care and let me know how you are doing.