Sunday, April 16, 2006

No tears at dance class

I went to modern dance class again yesterday and got through class without any big swelling of emotions. Hopefully that was just a fluke thing, triggered more from lack of fitness than anything else -- it reminds me of why I feel so crap.

I was able to go through all the class this time but I only marked the composition as there was something pinching in my spine and I didn't want to push it just in case. I have a chiro appointment on Monday afternoon so hopefully that will help. At class another dancer mentioned a Pilates instructor she has worked with that really helped her with a major back injury (lower back slipped disc) and now it never bothers her. I'm going to look her up as well and see if maybe that might help strengthen things. I also got some new ballet slippers so I can continue to focus on some basic barre and floor work at home for strengthening my back and core gently.

Except for the recent hormonally induced PMS issues over all I'm feeling so much more myself finally. Each day I feel like I've been sleeping for the past few years. My partner even recognizes it, and it had a lot to do with my original fibroid diagnosis; it really caused me to lose my sense of self and caused me to shut down a bit. Overall I feel really relieved.

Yesterday on the Ovusoft Miscarriage board I read a post someone made about how her losses took all the joy from her life and how she finally stopped trying because she didn't want to live like that anymore. That's sort of what I feel as well. I can be happy and childless or struggling with TTC, infertility and miscarriage. Right now just being me is bringing joy to my heart and spirit.

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