Ooh, how frustrating. I tried to do a post via email and it didn't show up and it isn't in my sent items. Bummer.

I'm 5w2d today and not feeling too many symptoms other than sore breasts and constipation. I've got some bloating but not much, and it hasn't increased over the past week. I've got sine acne on my scalp but overall my skin has been really dry, which probably has to do with the cold spell we had been having in Seattle. No real nausea or food cravings or aversions. No massive fatigue. I went back and read through my posts from my last pg and I had more symptoms so of course I worry. This baby us so wanted.

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I was thinking about how nice it was to have chosen to follow my child's lead and not wean him early, and to be facing a natural path, driven by biology and timing. It is what I had hoped for, even as we are coming close to the end of our third year nursing and I'm now pushing forty.

I mentioned to my mother about how vitamins through my breastmilk helped my son's eczma and she commented that he wouldn't be doing that for much longer. I feel that I should just keep meeting my firstborn's needs and if he wants to nurse than so be it. Why should I wean now? My body and his will do what they need to do.

It reminds me of the little jabs here and there I got over the past few years from family about how his having teeth should mean the end of nursing (he would barely eat solids until 16 months); how we wouldn't be able to conceive if I didn't wean; etc. I just ignored them, consulted with more knowledgable sources and trusted that things happen for a reason.   

I got my blood test results back and my beta HCG is 1058 and my progesterone is 38.5. They told me to keep using the progesterone cream since I have already been using it. They said the levels looked great so I guess I just sit tight until our Jan 5 appt. I had some twinges of nausea (so faint) this AM and I wanted to cry when J peed on the floor in his bedroom (but that can make any tired parent want to cry). I was super grouchy over the weekend with J when he was nursing so I'm trying to be mindful that there's a lot going on and I need to be nice to him as well.

I'm trying to send this little bean loving thoughts about growing. It seems so small an insignificant right now, though I know that will change quickly enough. I feel like I have already made a little room in my heart for the new one, but it makes me so sad for J to know that his world is going to change so drastically. I'm grateful for having nursed him so long and I hope his nursing needs will settle someplace agreeable to us both.

I had sort of resigned myself to the possibility that we might only have one, perhaps more than I thought. It is a wonderful thing to be able to give him a sibling (if everything goes well) but our little family of three will be forever changed. It just makes me a little sad.