Sunday, September 17, 2006

I got up this morning and wrote a two page letter to my SIL, I figured I should at least get my thoughts down about things. I decided to share it with my partner as anything I do or share with his family he should have some input in I believe. He thought that it was too long and detailed and that I was oversharing. He also suggested that I should meet up with my SIL in person and give it to her then so we could talk about it. I just don't feel comfortable with that. For all of what I share of my feelings online I don't feel that safe sharing them IRL due to past rejections of careless friends and acquaintances.

I tried to explain to my partner how I felt that this wouldn't necessarily go away on its own, how there are wounds that I have and that having my SIL react to me in this way was even more alienating. He thinks it was her and that she was PMS-ing or something as she even snapped at our nephew last night, something she never does. He also felt like he was being attacked as when he offered that we do talk about our pregnancy with our friends his SIL answered "I consider us more than friends, we're family".

My partner thought that maybe he should first start by calling his mother and ask her what she thinks we should do. He won't likely be phased by this exchange and we'd also be able to figure out if she was contributing to this drama behind the scenes.

I've been crying more today than I have in a long while. It's like all the infertility and loss grief are right there and I don't know if I'm supposed to do something or not. Should I share my deepest feelings? What am I supposed to be doing in my pregnancy that I'm not when I never see my SIL anyway. I'm feeling upset and frustrated.

My lovely friend Christy (newly pregnant after two losses -- send her sticky thoughts) shared these article links with me this morning:

Pregnancy After Miscarriage
The Ups and Downs of Trying Again
By Roxanne Williams Snopek

Easing the Anxiety of Pregnancy After Miscarriage

1 comment:

Christy said...

Thanks for the sticky thoughts. I can use all I can get. :)
Hope you're feeling better about all of this.