Saturday, July 01, 2006

So I'm up early for the second day in a row. This time because my digestion is slow and my body is uncomfortable about it. Hopefully that will rectify itself later this morning.

I haven't posted much this week, I almost have felt like there wasn't too much to say after the shock of seeing the h/b on Tuesday. I'm relieved that so far there is nothing to grieve but I'm so tired right now and still trying to keep it together with stuff at work (yes we sooo need to hire more staff) that it's almost nice just to have a bit of a break from my previous pg experiences.

I'm amazed that we got this far, that each test and check so far has been stronger and more advanced than our previous experiences with pregnancy. I don't know what to think.

I have noticed that I look at babies a little more when I see them about, perhaps not more than before but now with a new lens. Still though, I feel this ambivalence about it. Motherhood seems a far way off and a far cry from my reality thus far.

I've allowed myself to think about the fact that we might end up with a baby here and there. And the other day while walking around I realized for a moment that I had let a little love for my embie grow. But just a little teeny bit. I check in on my embie energetically now and then and I feel like it tells me it is busy, too busy to engage with me right now.

I did go shopping this week to try to get some more clothing items that would help mask my transitional figure. Yes it is early but I mostly have fitted clothes and already my body has changed itself. I bought a stretch cotton twill skirt on sale, a sports bra in a size larger (that was nice to wear yesterday), a few tanks and a top also on sale. Nothing extravagent as thing will likely continue to change. I've only ever experienced pregnancy through about 11 weeks (the first one) and who knows what this hormone packed current experience will hold in store for me.

I've been dealing with growing bouts of nausea, some headaches, fatigue, slowed digestion, food cravings/aversion, dryer skin in some places and oiler skin elsewhere.

The housekeeping has fallen by the wayside a bit -- I think I am really going to have to hire someone to come and help us out. Between this pregnancy experience and my partner having so much work it's just not all being kept up.

So anyway, I'm doing okay. I hate when people tell me congratulations (except for present company of course) and I'm hoping that our next ultrasound on Thursday shows a lot of growth. Please, please, please?

Oh, and last but not least I wanted to let you know that two of my favorite TTC buddies online just found out they were knocked this week as well. Please send Bridget and Yolie lots of prayers.


Anonymous said...

I remember feeling, I'll say "cautious" because it seems more positive, during the first trimester. I was afraid to become too attached in case things ended up being a very cruel practical joke concocted by nature. But, each new day allowed me to become more stable, each new u/s encouraged me to hope, and as time ticked on I found myself accepting that maybe indeed this was all going to work out.

Inhale, exhale - one minute at a time....


Anonymous said...

Thanks for the thoughts. I have been lurking to see if you were going to post at all this week. It is nice to see things are calming down and all the pg symptoms are getting you ;)

I hope your u/s goes well on Thursday, I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers during this coming week.