Fashion Nightmares of a Bloated, Tired and Cranky Woman

This week the bloating picked up big time. It was increasing day by day until last night I look at myself in the mirror and was shocked at how big I looked in my pajama bottoms.

This morning when I took a shower my rounded belly of six weeks pregnant bloat reminded me of how round my belly was post myo. Nice. My underwear is giving me panty lines, or rather my butt is giving my panties too much to enclose and it's just spelling disaster for my caboose. I've got to go shopping (I don't really like shopping very much) and in the meantime I have broken out the granny knickers I bought when I had my surgery and yes, they are fitting well (grumble, so much for slightly low rise pants unless I've got really long tops on)

My thighs are a problem as well, changing the dimensions of my clothes just enough so that no longer do I feel like I might be able to pull off looking a little sleek. I'm height-weight proportionate normally and I'm not eating too much, it's just that I easily put on 10 pounds of weight early on in pregnancy -- it's happened twice before as well.

I don't know what to do, wear more skirts or buy more clothes -- something's gotten happen because I'm feeling like a poorly styled lump at the moment. I guess I'll see if there is reason to go shopping very soon (like Tuesday).

I told my good friend today about my pregnancy and she was really excited for me; she knows how long we've been trying (four years). She wanted me to be excited but I explained how crying when I scheduled the appointment really put a damper on things for me.

I talked to her about how I do hope things go well with our scan on Tuesday since that will be easier to deal with than having another loss, logistically speaking, at work. We are sort of waiting to see what comes and then going to start recruiting and hiring to try to replace me if we get our heartbeat. If things are bad again it's going to be doubly rough as we are still a bit short-staffed and I'm going to have to make time for depression and emotional breakdowns. Lovely that I know what miscarriage brings so well now isn't it.

Overall I feel pretty neutral about it all emotionally, and physically I just feel like crap. We were talking about it with a friend over dinner last night and basically being pregnant, at this point early on, feels a lot like a really bad hangover coupled with coming down with the flu. I don't feel like doing anything though I did do laundry today, cook a little bit and vacuum the upstairs. I did also take a nap and have been knitting.

I feel like nothing will really make me happy right now, because all this bloat makes me feel awful. No music, no TV shows, no movies, no books, no projects, nothing. I just feel like crap.

I guess feeling worse is a good sign?