Thursday, February 23, 2006

Give me land lots of land under starry skies above (Don't fence me in)

My partner and I talked last night and we're going to take another break to focus on other parts of our lives. This is a continuation of the same feelings that caused me to take a break in November. When I took the time to reapply myself to work and my other interests I feel stronger and more accomplished. My entire being is screaming at me right now that I'm more than an infertile person.

Yes maybe we will conceive on our own again. Who the heck knows. I just can't do this anymore -- you know what I'm talking about. The little compromises, the hopeful thinking, the little things that you do and don't do when you think that somewhere in your near future there might be a pregnancy.

I think just quitting this game is the best answer for me right now. No one has any answers or reason and throwing medication at that won't fix the fact that we mostly don't get pregnant but when we do we lose them and each time it happens it sucks the life out of me.

I'd rather just be an artist and travel the world and not be directing so much energy to this really painful, damaging and unsatisfying process. I have more to give the world than to be a mother.

I'm going to work on my kitchen remodel and probably my artwork as well, it's been a long while since I had a show.

I'll continue to post here about how I'm feeling and what's going on with me.

Thank you for your continued support.


Roma said...

Ann, Frequent lurker here, first time poster. :) I just wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers. You are an amazing artist and an amazing person. I look up to you in many ways. Know that you are very loved and supported in your choices. You need to do what is best for you. You've been through so much. (((((HUGS))))) Roma

Nikole said...

You must do what is best for you, and I admire your courage in making this decision. You can always change your mind (or not) when you have more strength. I completely understand needing to define yourself and focus your energy and talents on things other than having a child. One can only stand so much waiting, so much pain, so much disappointment. I feel honored to have met you, and I wish you the best in your journey, wherever it takes you. If you will, can you send me a link (if you keep another site for this purpose) so I can keep up with the other things you're working on (art, knitting, etc.). You will be in my thoughts. Much love to you always.