Saturday, December 18, 2004

You think you have a plan...

When I was younger I thought I would start having children when I was 28 but then that year my partner had his vasectomy reversal. We thought we would wait until I was 30 or so before we'd start trying, then 2000 rolled around and his S/A wasn't good. We stopped using protection and nothing happened, but we weren't ready for it then anyway. Then there was 31, and 32, we'd be ready by then. Well I can't say I really felt ready when we started TTC in 2002, and only later did we find out that my body wasn't really ready yet either -- at the same time I was diagnosed with my fibroid I was told I had bacterial vaginosis. A few weeks later my naturopath told me that not only was I anemic but that I really needed to do something about it. This all in spite of regular cycles -- well at least my pituitary and ovaries still work. Then 2003 was all about research into fibroids and hormones -- and not having surgery and crying after a lot of doctor's appointments. 2004, it started out hopeless, then gradually things started to change. We had treatment planned and then we even got pg on our own -- what a surprise. This second half of the year has been about letting go, grieving, healing, changing, transformation, and recovery.

I'm 34 now and I'll be 35 in six months time. I wonder where 2005 will take me, but I'm sure that I can't possibly predict.

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