Just feeling a little down - TTC#2 after infertility

It took us the better part of 5 years trying and surgery for both of us for us to have our son, now 2.5. We overcame a lot and our little guy is such a blessing. Still there is the memory of how life was affected by infertility that lingers, and since we have been TTC again, the specter of infertility still haunts.

My partner really wants another baby and we haven't used any protection since the baby was 6 months old. We are often too busy and tired to TTC that much, but I broke out my fertility monitor and we have been timing the best we can and still nothing.

I'm still nursing my son, so it is very possible that breastfeeding is impairing my fertility. But my son is allergic to dairy products, and very attached to nursing -- and given that I'm now 39 and have another fibroid, I know that our chances of another aren't so great as they might have been (in another lifetime, I suppose).

My fibroid has started aching again, a sign that it is very active. This one grew quite a lot while I was pg, and it was last the size of a small orange, though it might have shrunk post pg. Then my period has been getting heavier over the past 6 months, where I'm starting to wonder what's up. My luteal phase is too short (it might be due to nursing) as well.


Then this week I found out that friends of ours, who have a son around the same age as ours, just lost their second pg (about 14 weeks in, related to hyperemesis complications). I just got again and I'm just feeling so glum and sad and miserable -- for their loss (how devastating), for my own uncertainty about whether it will be possible to have another, and for all the heartbreak that went on for us in the past with TTC.

My schedule is so tight between working and watching my son. I recognize that I should probably start talking to my OB, acupuncturist, and a naturopath again but it is so hard to make time. Which make it all the more frustrating.