Big Ultrasound

I had my big ultrasound today and the baby looked perfect and was moving all over. It was amazing for a little while but then after it went on and on as the technician took all these shots from multiple angles of all the body parts I wanted to cry as I was so ready for it to be over -- all that pressure on my sensitive belly.

We are really pleased though and it looks like we are going to have a little boy.


I had the technician check out my fibroid and its grown to be 5x8cm (!) but wasn't bugging the kiddo at all. It looked like there was another small fibroid up top. I'm waiting for the full ultrasound report -- it had to be reviewed by the radiologist and then my OB. Brother if there is but it was pretty small still.

My OB said we wouldn't remove the fibroid (big one) at delivery unless it was pedunculated which it is not. He did say that typically they grow a lot and then around mid-pregnancy the growth will taper off some, just like for the baby.

My scan is in 24 hours (3pm PST). I can't wait for it on one hand and in denial on the other. I think to myself that maybe I can just ignore and things will happen or not. Right? I'll either have a miscarriage or a won't. I'll either have a baby in 8 months or I won't. Seeing the scan will just mean that I have to do something, feel something and part of me doesn't want to feel anything.

I feel a bit pregnant but nothing compared to last time when I was exploding with my fibroid. Realistically if there is an embryo inside of me it is the size of a pea or something, with the sac around it. Fairly small over all. My pregnancy symptoms have been pretty easy over the past week, my breasts still hurt but gone is that feeling of knives stabbing into them, my uterus feels a bit full, sometimes at the end of the day it actually feels extra swollen. My abdomen has adjusted to the hormonal bloat. I'm a bit moody -- alternating feelings last night of frustration, anger and wanting to cry. Overall it just feels like a bad case of weird PMS - is that how pregnancy is supposed to feel?

I talked to my partner last night about not wanting to tell anyone about our pregnancy and he said that he felt the same way. We're kinda of feeling like letting people find out if/when it gets noticible. We have no plans either way for telling or not telling -- I guess we'll just have to see how our appointment goes tomorrow.

I'm going in for my repeat beta later this morning after my acupuncture appointment. If the numbers look good then I'll post my chart tonight.

I told another friend from the boards yesterday, she hasn't been on in months and is taking a break and just happened to IM me yesterday. She's been trying for ages and it turns out her DH has anti-sperm antibodies. Their relationship has really been affected by the infertility and they are likely going to separate -- a lot has gone wrong in their relationship, this would be for the best.

She told me to let people know so that they could share in the good news. I know what she means but I think about my infertile buddies and how this news would be a mixed thing. I hate how hard it is for ppl, but this really didn't come easy I had to make some pretty radical lifestyle changes and also have surgery.

My breasts are sore, though a touch less sore than yesterday. Its more different sore. I so hope that everything is going to go well. With all the healthy eating I've been doing to help rebuild my system since the surgery, the weekly acupuncture, the select use of medicinal herbs, and the progesterone -- plus not having my blood-sucking fibroid in there anymore -- surely things will go better this time.

My partner, came down last night from his office in the attic and sat next to me and put his head on my shoulder and said "When are we going out to dinner to celebrate my good sperm" He wants to go to that nice restaurant we went to on our anniversary. I reminded him that we opened up a celebratory bottle of champagne last week (yum!) and that it was a good thing we got that out of the way as I wouldn't be drinking for a while. I don't mind a sip here or there, but nothing more.

I think I'll post my updated chart on Thursday if my temps look good and just let people find out that way. Does that seem weird. I'm just so afraid of jinxing it. Ya know?

My breasts are so huge already, much sooner than last time for certain. I tested positive at 19 dpo -- I waited until I was a couple of days late -- and it was the week after that things got interesting. I didn't use progesterone that cycle though so who knows.

I've had lots of belly twinges and also faint waves of nausea but nothing that would stop you in your tracks. I so hope this is a keeper. You have no idea how much my mood lifted when I got the beta result.

I tested on 13 dpo. I kept thinking about a buddy's late BFP, it was partly what kept me using the progesterone cream. I was thinking that it was possible that somewhere inside me was a little fertilized egg that was trying to find a place to implant and it was up to me to try to help improve the environment with the progesterone (I've tested low for progesterone twice).

While studies are inconclusive about progesterone preventing miscarriage, there is still a lot they haven't studied and some clinical evidence points to progesterone supplementation actually helping "rescue" the corpus lutuem. If your progesterone production is lame and implantation can happen late then there is a chance that supplementing progesterone can keep the endometrium in a state that the egg can implant whereas without it the environment is inhospitable.

My beta came back at 94, which is in that good range (around 100 ng/ml 14-16 dpo results in an 85% success rate at this point)

Can you even believe it?

My partner doesn't want me to tell anyone online yet though so it will just be you and I for a little while. I don't think I can hold it back though for long, already people are starting to ask questions about my chart.

I posted a message on Saturday to one of my buddy groups that went on about how lame my chart was this cycle and how it didn't even look a little like the example charts of pregnancy success and how it was a good thing I wasn't pregnant right now as work is so busy and that I just had to resign myself to the fact that we might not have kids since we don't want to do IVF. I almost took it down on Sunday morning but decided to leave it. Pretty amusing.

One of my chart-lurking buddies, said to discard the weird peak prior to O and then to move out my ovulation date ( it was only due to my override that it was on Sunday anyway) and my coverline would drop down indicating a larger thermal shift. When you look at it that way, the vitex does in fact look like it adjusted my hormones for the better compared to previous cycle and that it does in fact look like a better chart.

My breasts were sore yesterday and this morning (13dpo), plus my temp went up to 98.6. I was going to stop using NPC to help let AF arrive a little easier but thought I better test just to be sure and here's what came up:



I'm not going to tell anyone else just yet nor am I going to update my chart to the Ovusoft site.

There's a chance that it might not stick as implantation was probably a little late, though the progesterone cream supplementation might have counterbalanced that a bit.

Email to a friend

> You may remember my telling you about my fibroid and
> needing surgery and
> all that -- doctors were so wanting to cut me open
> and it felt so
> intuitively wrong. I had even scheduled surgery for
> the beginning of
> October and I cancelled it. The rest of last year I
> spent every weekend,
> and many other days whenever I could slip it in,
> researching more about
> fertility and fibroids. I met with several more
> doctors, consulted with
> a researcher in Toronto all to try to get a better
> handle on what my
> options were. I was pretty depressed too so that was
> why I wasn't
> calling really.
>
> At the beginning of this year I finally found a
> reproductive
> endocrinologist I could get along with who was far
> more supportive than
> the other 2 I had spoken with about our situation. I
> also started going
> for acupuncture treatment weekly starting in January
> and had my
> partner taking lots of vitamins and supplements to
> help improve his
> fertility as well (he had a vasectomy and reversal
> and his morphology
> was poor). I figured that Western medicine wasn't
> offering that many
> options so I had to try the alternative route to
> help preserve myself
> and my fertility. If that didn't work then we would
> try fertility meds
> and insemination -- but we put that off until July.
>
> I have some news though, I'm 5 weeks pregnant with
> our first baby. I
> can't tell you what a relief it is and we are
> soooooo proud that we did
> it ourselves without medical intervention. Our baby
> is due in February.
>
> So anyway, I'm in a much better place than I was
> last summer/fall/winter
> and I would love to see you.
>
> Take care and I'll drop you a line in a few weeks to
> set up a date.

To an online friend...

It isn't up to doctors if we get pregnant or not. The human species has survived millennia without help from doctors. As I said before they told us that based on the statistics we had a 2% chance of the 25% chance that most couples have on average. That's so small that I need my calculator to figure it out (sorry I'm not good with math!).

I think that God has a lot to do with it too. I feel blessed that I didn't have to have the IUI and that we were able to conceive. I also always think of this story someone posted to a buddy group I was on months ago and it ended like this "what is impossible for man is possible for God" (evidently from the Bible, Luke 18:27 "And he said, the things which are impossible with men are possible with God")

You keep your hope, even if it is in a very small place. Take your vitamins, meditate, eat well and exercise. Also, find another doctor who is more supportive.

(and to another person)

What you need to remember is that it takes more than one sperm to fertilize an egg - each sperm had enzymes in its head that they use to weaken the shell and collectively a large group of them help dissolve it, it really is a team effort. You will want to maximize your opportunities by loading up when you have EWCM, prior to since sperm can survive in EW for days. Once ovulation occurs the biological valve into your uterus is already closed and it is too late. Eggs mature ongoing inside the ovaries so nutrition and hormonal balance have a big affect on how they mature (I looked into this in my big medical text called Gynecologic Endocrinology and Infertility a couple months ago to help out some women I know with ovulatory problems). Have you had hormonal work done to check your prolactin and progesterone? Do you ovulate regularly?

---

I've been feeling just icky, like barely getting car sick and I'm hungry a lot but eating doesn't help stop that feeling very much. Thank god I'm not puking like some of the girls I've met with Feb due dates.

I'm feeling pretty good this morning. I wasn't on the computer over the weekend much, we were trying to have a life (we work on computers all week long and then some).

My blood tests came back in the normal range. I got the second HCG test result on Friday afternoon and the level had doubled appropriately.

This weekend I decided to not go to New York at the end of the month since traveling that far would be stressful and I'm really sensitive to stress. Besides, I don't know how I'll be feeling then. I called and told my parents, brother, grandmother, great-aunt (she'll be 96 in Sept) and the mother of the bride -- my mom's cousin (I was going east for this wedding). I thought my mother was funny, she asked me when I told her "Are you sure?" My goodness, what does she think? I told my dad first and he replied excitedly "tell your mother". My brother was blown away. They knew we were trying for a long time but maybe they thought we couldn't do it.

We also told my partner's mother, brother and sister-in-law, aunt, uncle and cousin. The clan has been notified and activated on both sides.

When my bladder is full in the morning and I'm lying on my back I can see my fibroid faintly on the right side because of my uterus being swollen. The fibroid isn't feeling active so I hope there isn't any competition for blood supply going on so our baby can get all it needs. My breasts are really full and dense, that's the biggest symptom by far. I have noticed that I tend to feel more cramps, queasiness, and waves of emotions in the afternoon so that will be the biggest challenge at work until we are ready to tell everyone.

I'm feeling pretty good so far. My PMS is enough to contend with and this seems a lot easier to deal with -- just feeling a little queasy (almost barely) and then there are I guess some light cramps. My breasts are a little fuller but you would have to be intimate with them to notice, they actually hurt less than they did last week when I was PMS-ing.

Honestly for those of you who haven't been pg before it isn't earth shattering necessarily (which in my head it always seemed like it was). It is like a natural progression of the menstrual cycle which I usually describe as being a test cycle each month to help things tuned up and ready to go.

I often felt desperate as medical practitioners offered up:

"Have you considered adoption?"
"I'm sure he has antibodies; it is very common post-vasectomy reversal. You won't be able to conceive without IVF/ICSI"
"We won't treat you unless you have your fibroid removed"

I was a wreck from the time I found out about my fibroid until 18 months later when I changed gears completely by:

Trying another RE who it turns out I love
Started going to acupuncture weekly
Started going to counseling several times a month
Got us on more vitamins and supplements
Reduced my stress level
Went for chiropractic (which helped with an old back injury)
and then we tried, and tried, and tried, and tried, and tried, and tried every cycle as much as we were able to fit in prior to ovulation

I'm amazed that we did it but here I am 6 days late and the tests say it is a done deal. Don't give up hope and if you want to stay natural just know that it is a game of odds and that it just might take time.

I'm off to get my next blood sample. The nurses were total flakes yesterday. My doc said on Wed to call on Thursday to find out if I should do supplemental progesterone. I had to call twice and I didn't hear back until 5pm yesterday that I should but by then they couldn't call the order in until today. I've been using my natural progesterone cream in the meantime. My mother had low progesterone when she was pregnant with her first baby so I think it might be a genetic thing that we aren't such great producers of progesterone.

We'll tell one grandma over Father's Day weekend since she'll be in town (she will be so excited since my partner is her favorite and she's been wanting lots of grandkids to spoil). My parents I think I'll wait until the end of the month when I'm in New York for a family wedding.

I got my blood work back and my HCG (beta?) is 435 and my progesterone was 18.4. I'm waiting to hear if they want me to supplement progesterone but I can feel the extra hormones -- especially in my bbs which are feeling a little fuller and less sore than what I experience normally with PMS. I told you all back
when my CD21 test came back low in November that my suspicion was
that low progesterone was part of my issue. The elevated progesterone so far actually makes this pregnant part easier than my PMS -- my breasts are full but less sore and my mood is better. Normally I go from grouchy and sore to feeling hot in my lower abdomen and weak when I get my period. Are you sure my period isn't going to show up on my unexpectedly? Should I keep running around with sanitary products in my handbag?

I saw my acupuncturist this morning as well and told him that my
fibroid was smaller. I didn't tell him about the pg and asked him to
check my pulses (this is something that you have to find a good
acupuncturist to do but it is amazing what he can sense from both
wrists). He checked first on the left, then on the right and then he
looked at me and asked "are you pregnant?" I've been going for
treatment since January and it has really helped calm my system down. I tend to be a bit frenetic and very sensitive -- work and emotional stress knock me down quickly and I get sick a lot because of it. With acupuncture I feel a lot more even. We're going to give treatment a break for a few weeks while my body adjusts to the pregnancy.

Because of my fibroid and TTC I've gotten quite attuned to the
different pains and sensations in my lower pelvis. I would have
fibroid related pain on the right side, a couple inches to the right
of my belly button in a vertical channel. Last night and today I feel a sensation more in the center but just to the left of my belly
button. Not pain but something is going on in there and it feels like the front, side and back of my uterus that are involved. In
acupuncture they say that things are being reorganized.

I'm just back from the RE. He said it was too early to see a gestational sac and it is really early still. I told him that we were pleased just to see that our equipment works!!!

My fibroid was a bit smaller too no 9cm measurements this time. It was only 6x7cm.

They did a blood draw to check my progesterone and HCG. I'll have the latter in an hour or so. Progesterone will have to wait until tomorrow.

I told them that I wasn't sure if they would show me the door since we got a positive pg on our own and they said no, that's not how they work. The doc was pleased about the positive pregnancy test just by itself. I thanked him for making me feel like my fibroid wasn't a life sentence and that in that he helped alleviate my stress and that surely that influence helped out as well. He said he would happily take credit. I also asked him to please tell the UR in the same clinic (the one who did the reversal) that he had another success story.

My partner is so excited he's already telling me what to eat and not eat. Let's hope it is a keeper because we are so ready for this change in our life.

I just wanted to add that I too used every last positive posting about MFI successes to have hope even though doctors sometimes made it feel like there wasn't any reason for any. If there is anything I can do for any of you to help make you feel better supported please let me know.

It is 6:00AM and my partner pushes me to move over and mumbles that I'm too hot. Too hot I think, that's kinda odd if I'm just about to get my period. So I take my temp and it is 98.6 - really high for being woken up an hour and a half early. So, I figure 34 day cycle, temp a little warm, still no sign of my period, I guess that warrants a pregnancy test. So I go down the hall to the bathroom and do. And I watch the paper fibers being saturated and it looks oddly bluish and it settles into two very clear blue lines. That's right, my first positive.

I have no idea what we are up against at this point because of my fibroid but I wanted to share. We have been trying for over 2 years, unprotected sex since February 2000 as well. This seems amazing and I don't really feel different. Not really. I guess that visit to the doctor will be for something else this afternoon.

My cycle average length is 30 days but the longest one since I've been charting was 33 days. I could be hours or minutes away from it starting though. Here's to cycles longer than 30 days though.