I'm feeling like working from home today. Talking to my SIL really stirred up some emotion for me and I feel like I need to be away from people right now. My partner said to me last night that I've been grouchy for days, though I've only noticed that I've been very tired -- though I do get grouchy when I'm tired. I didn't tell him about my conversation with my SIL, just telling my online buddies about it was hard enough -- each time it just opens up the waterworks again and I just need a break from it. I've been almost feeling like I should take a break from charting and even the board too, though I know I couldn't do it easily. I think I need a vacation -- 10 days in Europe sounds nice. Do you know that I'm having a hard time at work right now too, I'm supposed to right all these proposals for new work and I just can't do it. I feel like nothing matters and I don't even understand what people in business want anymore -- it all seems so trivial and petty to me, like "who cares". It's probably just another phase of grief, recovery and acceptance.

The difference between medroxyprogesterone and progesterone

Medroxyprogesterone is a synthetic form of progesterone, it mimic the affects of progesterone on the body. It can cause side effects though that are similar though some of the s/e of progesterone, though it seems to affect more parts of the endocrine system than simple progesterone will cause (yellow eyes indicates liver problems, facial hair growth and loss of head hair indicate adrenal and thyroid involvement):

Medroxyprogesterone

Progesterone

Either way, large doses of hormones are tough on your system so make sure you eat a lot of fiber and drink water and include things like onions, garlic, leafy greens, artichokes and lemon in your diet to help support liver function.

I've been running/walking a mile each day with my dog for the past couple of weeks. I've been really good about keeping it up. I did fall off the wagon and I had hot cocoa and cheese over the weekend which made me feel awful. I'm not lactose intolerant, its just that my body doesn't like taking milk -- it causes more stagnation in my system. I'm trying to be good again and not slide off into my bad dietary habits. Want to know what they are? Well either way, I'm going to tell you -- they fall among the following:



not drinking enough fluids throughout the day

not eating breakfast

not eating breakfast and not eating lunch until after 2:30pm

eating chocolate when I have skipped breakfast and eaten lunch late

eating simple carbs and not enough protein or veggies

not going to the bathroom right away and holding it in (i have an aversion for public bathrooms, it is a problem)



My weekend... My partner's other brother is in town, visiting from France with his girlfriend. We spent a lot of time with them, they leave tomorrow afternoon. We were over at my SIL's house on Sunday and I boldly chose to stay behind with her when everyone else went to lunch, I figured that since she is staying home with the two little ones all the time this might help give her a break and make it so she wasn't feeling left behind. We chatted and eventually the conversation turned to my miscarriage. It was a very difficult and emotional conversation for us both and we both cried. She didn't understand why I couldn't talk to her for 6 months since my partner said I was fine (which wasn't true) -- she was a week behind me in getting her BFP so it was very difficult for me to see her. It was hard for me to have to open it up and explain it to her, but it had to be done as it was unresolved between us. I didn't tell her the nasty things, the really awful feelings I had along the way -- such as hating her, wishing her baby would die too, thinking she was selfish for only trying to reach out to me once. It is normal, I'm not the only one who has felt that way but I can't tell her that stuff. I told her instead that you worry enough when you are pregnant and that I didn't want her to see the dark side of pregnancy -- which is partially true as well.

She told me she was glad that I was accepting of my niece and that ultimately the pregnancy meant nothing -- we both agreed that, but I told her I just didn't need the constant reminders of the baby I wasn't having, the pregnancy that had failed.

Cervical Dysplasia & Cervical Cancer Info

My friend in NYC contacted me yesterday about cervical cancer, she knows someone who had dysplasia diagnosed as cancer and was looking for info (knowing that I'm big into women's reproductive health, she asked me to look it up). Anyway, I have a bunch of links you might want to share with your friend:

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From what I know the first sign of a problem is a bad pap smear. The results may show signs of cervical dysplasia. Cervical dysplasia means that there are some irregularities in how the tissue is growing, and this can be affected by hormonal imbalances.

An ob/gyn might then go in and do a colposcopy, which is look at the area with a magnifying device to investigate further. Typically the next step is to do a biopsy. The only concern about the biopsy is if your friend has not had children or desires to have more, that this can sometimes affect a woman's fertility.

It is scary but it is fairly common. It can be a pre-cancerous condition, but it does not mean cancer. I have read of it being successfully treated early on with progesterone supplementation (as per What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Premenopause, by John Lee M.D.) She needs to find out how bad it is, I believe they give it some sort of rating.

Here are some links:

Cervical Dysplasia

She should join a group like this one, she'll get better information from women who have been there, and find out if she is being taken proper care of:
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/cervical_dysplasia/

The Reversal of Cervical Dysplasia With Vitamin Therapy

Cervical Dysplasia Treatment

Alternative Medicine site: Cervical Dysplasia

Xenoestrogens the cause of Cervical Dysplasia
(this is probably not the cause, though it might contribute)

http://www.cancer.gov/cancerinfo/types/cervical

"The prognosis for patients with cervical cancer is markedly affected by the extent of disease at the time of diagnosis."http://www.meb.uni-bonn.de/cancer.gov/CDR0000062759.html

http://www.cervicalcancercampaign.org/

What do you know about Montgomery's tubercles (areola bumps)?

Montgomery's tubercles are those bumps on the areola. Do they ever swell outside of pg?

My breast and nipples have been super sore since 1dpo, and since my cycles have been wacky since my loss and surgery last year I was wondering if this might be just hormonal imbalance and not pg.

The only time I had ever seen my nipples look so weird was when I was pg. I'm not sure what happened this last cycle but it is possible that my body just produced way too much of one of the estrogens -- like maybe I produced more estrone than normal. A day after I posted that the syptoms had subsided so it was just a fleeting thing.