Ugh. Someone please pass the Tums

This afternoon, after I ate lunch, I started having awful acid indigestion. It's awful. It's got to be the pregnancy right? This is so not normal for me. Blech.

I was just out to dinner with my partner, we went to a nice neighborhood Greek restaurant. Even eating didn't help my tummy though. I still feel ugh.

We talked about stuff, he wanted to know if I thought we could go to L.A. for Thanksgiving and I told him I just don't know. I don't really get along great with his family anyway so he's sort of figuring that me plus a lot of people I'm not super keen on, plus being possibly "all big" as he put it, isn't a good combination. I can't figure out why he is wanting to plan our Thanksgiving travel in June though.

I told him that other than being tired, not able to multi-task as well, and with a tummy ache that the bloating had dropped some and I didn't feel that pregnant. He said that I'm emotionally volatile plus a little poofier than normal so he definately can tell I'm not myself. Nice. Well, it is true. I keep reminding him of how he pushed me past my limits with my firs pregnancy to the point where I threw a book at him and burst into tears at the same time, and that he better not go there this time. (I don't think I wrote about it at the time.)

Five Weeks

Amazing how these funny numbers they come up with based on last menstrual period have you going from being a few days late on your period to suddenly being 5 weeks pregnant. Whatever, at least I can pretend that this is really happening. So if I'm 5 weeks now, then that means that I would deliver via c-section in 33 weeks. That doesn't seem long at all -- well not really.

I started thinking last night about the fact that we have a wedding to attend at the end of July (the bride is pregnant too) and what I will wear. I just don't know. That's only like another 5 weeks away. I guess if things don't work out I've got stuff that will work, and if things do work out then I'll just have to deal with that later.

Yesterday at work we were moving a lot of furniture around which required a lot of lifting and I was hovering between not wanting to but also not letting on that something was up. I took little breaks and drank water and let the guys do the heavy lifting but it was kinda weird. We got new desks for my team so we're looking oh so much more professional now.

I'm rather overwelmed at work, too much work, not enough focus and I swear I'm not able to multi-task like I used to. We're short-staffed still so I'm just going to have to keep on recruiting and get some more help in.

Images of Development by Trimester

Fetal Development
Westside Pregnancy Resource Center - This one has some amazing photos of what the developing baby looks like

The companion site to the PBS Nova Program Life's Greatest Miracle

Visembryo -- shows images of development through all the key stages.

Pregnancy Video -- Discovery Health -- good narrative explanation

Ultrasound Images

First Trimester- Transvaginal vs. Transabdominal

Obstetrical ultrasound

Amazing Pregnancy Pictures -- ultrasounds

Changes in the Mother

Your Baby's Growth Over 40 Weeks - U of M (requires Shockwave Player)

Your Growing Body & Baby - Childbirth Connection

Normal Course Of Pregnancy

I'm melting

I don't know why I thought of that, it's like that saying "I'm not sugar, I won't melt" but today I do feel like I will melt. So am I sugar? Remember that scene in the movie Amelie when the guy she has a crush on comes into the cafe where she works and she doesn't say anything and then she dissolves and crashes into the floor as a pile of water. That's me too.

So my beta result came back at 2069 which is really good. But I feel awful, like I can't hold it together today. My partner came in to talk to me at work and he was reassuring, like the nurse at my ob's office was reassuring and yet I feel like it is impossible to be reassured right now.

If I wasn't pg right now I could do with a glass of wine. Sigh.

Okay, so maybe I'm not so hot

I just got done with my acu appointment and yes indeed, I cried. I'm feeling so emotionally stressed today about this pregnancy.

She said all the pains I'm feeling -- in my ankles, in my feet, in my ear -- are key kidney points and it is typical for pregnancy to have that much going on with my kidney channel. They felt better, meaning the pain dissipated, when she put the needles in several of the key spots. I did feel some big waves of qi moving through me and I could also breathe a little better.

She thought that I would be anxious about something no matter what, but aside from the big tests I think I would be all right if I just knew that things were going to be okay this time. She said how I was feeling was entirely understandable, but I need to try to stay rested and relaxed as much as possible.

I'm to continue with my herbs and she gave me a list of things to do to try to help get through the next couple of weeks.

On the way back I stopped to get some Thai Red Curry and a mocha -- I'm not sure the coffee is good for me but I feel like I need it and deserve it today.

I only cried a little

I went in for my blood draw this morning, to check for beta and progesterone again. I had to wait even though I had an appointment with the phlebotomist (grumble). Sheesh, it's just a blood draw.

Afterwards I went to the reception to see about scheduling my ultrasound. The woman doesn't really know about loss I could tell. Whatever. She pulled out her pregnancy wheel and was trying to figure out where between 8-10 weeks was when I again reminded her that I had more than one early loss and that we were going to need to come in the week after next. She got it then, so she started throwing out appointment times. First thing in the morning? Might as well ruin the whole day I replied. I had to call my partner to see what his schedule was like since Tuesdays are usually bad for him but luckily his client is out that day so he's able to do it.

I started to tear up as we confirmed the time and when I asked what would happen next after that if everything was going well. She said that the appt a week from Tuesday would be considered my first prenatal and then they would see me again in a month, unless my doc wanted to do something different. In my head all I could think was that I needed to prepare myself for another bad scan. In the span of a couple of seconds all that horror of the bad scans from my last two pregnancies came back. I told the woman at the reception that I was having a hard time convincing myself that everything was going to be okay. More tears welled up as I walked down the hall, though I didn't outright cry.

I feel bad now, sort of emotionally strained. Why do I have to feel this way. Couldn't I just ignore this pregnancy and just pretend that nothing is happening. My partner wants to do the scan and really it should help us to not get too attached if there's nothing going on. It just hurts right now.

I'll let you know what my blood results are this afternoon.

My strange diet

I got up this AM and was online for a little while, plus I made a shopping list and sewed some buttons onto several shirts that needed mending. I was hungry and so I checked in with myself about what I was hungry for. Cold cereal with almond milk? No. Oatmeal? No...There's pot roast. Pot roast? Yes, pot roast. And so I had pot roast with gravy on bread at 7:30am for breakfast on a Sunday. Whatever my body wants must be what it needs.

My partner got up mid-morning and I decided to take a nap -- so I passed out for 2 hours. Then I made a totally amazing (if I do say so myself) salmon tart for lunch and went off to my painting class (which I totally didn't feel up to doing).

I felt pretty lousy so I just made sure that I sat down periodically and drank a lot of water and ate some stroopwafels (really good dutch cookies with caramel -- hey, all this progesterone changes the way your body deals with carbohydrates so I needed them). It actually did help so I'll have to keep that in mind over the coming weeks and hopefully months.

I've also allowed myself a bit more cheese over the past few days, I think my body wants the extra calcium right now -- and that's okay by me and my body seems to be tolerating it fine. I've developed a taste for my smokey Retain the Fetus chinese herb that I am drinking twice daily as well.

My breasts are even firmer and more sore now, my belly actually feels less bloated -- I wonder if it is because I'm making sure to drink that much more in fluids for the past week. I am still feeling shivery qi occasionally, though I feel fairly flushed all the time (but my temp when I took it was normal). If I didn't know better I would say I was coming down with something. Boy, Mother Nature did a number of us women didn't she. It's like there's no winning.