Nine Weeks Today

That seems like such a crazy idea, that I'm still pregnant at nine weeks. Sometimes I ask myself if I'm still pregnant and then I just press my boobs and they are still sore so I figure things are just keeping on.

I caught a virus this week, the first time I've been sick while pregnant I think. For all the normal queasiness, light headaches, fatigue and general malaise that comes with pregnancy it is in fact possible to feel worse. I couldn't eat, I didn't want to get out of bed, I had a low-grade fever, and my joints ached. Thankfully it was mostly one of those 24-hour affairs, at least the worst of it. I think that's why my mood was so dark this week though, that can happen when I'm fighting a virus.

Work was really strenous this week, I totally need some more help, particularly since my new project manager quit (but that person had some serious personality issues so it's no loss for us). I've already set up some interviews for this week. I hope that some good come out of it. It's hard to find talented people who are a good fit with our little company. We'll get there though -- we have to.

Feeling kinda lost

With infertility and loss I at least felt like there was a common struggle for me and my online buddies. Then there are all those happy pregnant people online, or the ones who obsess over every little symptom. I feel like I don't know where I fit in right now. I feel closer to my infertility and loss buddies, but I know that my being pregnant can be trying for them. I feel I have to hide it even a little more around them -- and generally I'm not boasting about it.

It's weird to not have people know at work, yet I've known for 5 weeks now. Then I have so many work responsibilities -- so now I get to do them, with out letting on that something is up, but feeling twice as bad with half the energy. I guess that's sort of raining on my parade too. The fatigue is pretty common, but I guess for me I still have so much going on that it's hard to just be thrilled about it.

I've sort of noticed that the women who seem the most thrilled tend to have invested the least in their education and careers. So, again it makes me feel like an outsider -- though I know there are lots of women out there like me as well. Besides, with infertility and all the other delays that contributed to some of us being more mature as we approach uncertain motherhood, we would be pretty lame if we didn't at least have more than pregnancy and TTC going on in our lives -- right?

The other weird part is just knowing how much the past four years have put a damper on my relationships. You find with the problem fibroids, and the infertility and then the miscarriages, that people who you were close to just couldn't deal with the intensity of it all. I found that I pulled back from developing new relationships -- and it ended up being for years. Now I'm trying to find my way out of that as well, and it feels awkward. I guess the little bit of success I've had so far with this current pregnancy has helped cushion my heart so I can speak more honestly about my losses. But then now I worry that I shouldn't let on too soon, because if something bad was to happen right now the whole world would dissolve into tears.

I guess that's the complexity of it. And its my reality.

More Nutrition Information

I found this great doc from the USDA last night which details the amount of folate in different food items.

Use the Acrobat Search feature (binoculars, fourth icon from the left on the Acrobat toolbar) to things up such as grapes or tortilla chips)

Folate Contents of Foods - USDA (PDF)


Also from the USDA there is also a tool, available online or for download to a PC, that will let you search items, enter in portion and then it will spit out a fill report on the nutritional content

What's In The Foods You Eat Search Tool

I also have these posts you might want to refer to:

Anemia & Iron Rich Foods

Non-Dairy Sources of Calcium

Tuesday

It's been two weeks since we saw that first little flicker. Kinda weird isn't it that I'm still here and my period is still staying at bay.

I've been feeling a little better, but still fatigued, and the nausea and heartburn come in waves. Today I feel like when you first get your period and you just want to stay in bed all day. But of course I couldn't. I managed to keep my growling in my head, except for one client who was being a bit stupid -- shaving 2.5 days off of our print production schedule and thinking that was okay. Not!

I think what is weird is having people expect me to be all thrilled and stuff. I just feel like I'm hanging in there. I'm not unhappy, I'm not happy -- I just am. There's still a long way to go.

My MIL spoke to my partner yesterday and said that I seemed reserved/cautious/not happy -- something along those lines. He told her I was doing fine, just being really natural about it all.

I told him that of course I wasn't thrilled, or ecstatic. We've been through too much for that. I'm doing just fine. My parents are really happy (first grandkid) and my partner is excited and that's enough for me.

I'm 8w3d today (45 days since conception) and evidently more than 17% of the way there -- since I would deliver early that percentage would shift a bit obviously. Supposedly the end of 8 weeks marks the end of the embrionic stage of development and then begins the fetal stage.

What else can I tell you...my partner spaced on our prenatal appointment on the 25th and booked a business trip then but I couldn't move the appointment so he moved his business trip --that's how much he wants to be there (which I think is really sweet).

Take care and let me know how you are doing.