I also wanted to add that I took a HPT yesterday and it came back negative. My test on June 9th was so strong it just about blew me over. Having the negative test means that my body is starting to shift gears already. I do have to say that I'm feeling very tentative and unsure about this next part in the process. I wish it would just be over, actually if it could just mirror my period symptoms I would be satisfied because at least I know what that feels like.

The thing that is so strange to me is that there is so much talk and information about infertility, pregnancy, and childbirth but there doesn't seem to be a lot of information about what happens when the embryo dies. I feel oddly blocked and uncomfortable in my lower abdomen. I don't know if it is mild contractions or what, it isn't that specific. My body has already started making shifts, my breasts are significantly less firm, my belly less bloated. I feel less in a haze than I did while the hormones were up, my head is more clear than in weeks. I'm not as thirsty and already I'm not having to get up 3 times a night to go pee. I have a loss of appetite but that it normal for me, especially when I'm grieving. My sleep pattern has gotten even more wacky but I'll just ride it out.

I find the early pregnancy process to be fascinating in a scientific way; that the recognition of the fertilized eggs can trigger such dramatic hormonal shifts and at the same time how the mother's body helps so much to foster the egg/embryo in the early weeks. My body was so ready for this that it took it a long time to see what had happened. I am thankful that I knew what happened before instead of having random bleeding and not understanding the cause. Minor blessings but still worth recognizing.

I don't know that I'm stronger than anyone else, I have sorrow as well but I try to embrace it. I can't talk to anyone because it makes me cry too much, I can write about it though, that helps me get it out.