My fibroid I could feel prior to my getting pg and it was 6x7cm. It
grew a lot, at its peak measurement it was up to 9x11x11cm. A couple
weeks ago it was dropped to 8x9cm. When my bladder is full it is
really bad, when I'm lying down you can see it bulging out and it is
more uncomfortable than prior to my pg. Some pairs of pants I have
are also uncomfortable now because they put too much pressure on my
lower abdomen (I know you are probably clucking your tongues at me
telling me not to wear them then).

So, I know I have beta still in my system so it probably isn't
shrinking as much as it might eventually. If you have fibroids and
know by measurement or physical sensation (pelvic pressure, etc.),
how long did it take for them to shrink down for you?

I could live with the pressure prior to my pg but now I feel the
pressure so much that I keep thinking I might want to have it out.
Still, I will first try to shrink it back with acupuncture and herbs
which worked before.

So, can anyone share with me how long until their fibroids shrank
post pregnancy?

Frankincense and Fibroids?

I found this page while surfing that mentions some additional herbal treatments, what got me curious was that this one mentioned frankincense which is one of the ingredients in the chinese herbs my acupuncturist had me taking in the spring -- when my fibroid shrank.

http://www.nspforum.com/faq/bbs.cgi?read=938

I started acupuncture treatment in January and had an ultrasound a couple weeks later to help provide a baseline measurement. My fibroid at the beginning of February was 6x6.5x9cm which was larger, mostly longer than the 5.9x6cm in September 2002 when it was discovered, or 6x7cm in March 2003. I started on herbs in March and took them for about 6-7 weeks only, all the while going for weekly hour-long acupuncture treatments. I stopped taking the herbs because I had an issue with bad bleeding during my period which freaked me out, these are strong herbs and not to be used during pregnancy or during menses. My acupuncturist said the herbs are intended to "break the blood". I scheduled a follow-up ultrasound for the beginning of June and as it would happen I had a positive pregnancy test that same morning. My fibroid was back to 6x7 though the ultrasound was not taken on cycle day 3 since my period never arrived. I'm amazed that there was that much of a change.

Here are the ingredients in my supplement, TumoSolv which is formulated by LongLife (http://drhuang.biz/LongLifeMaster.asp):

Bureed tuber, Zedoary, Fritillary tuber, Prunella, Sargassum, Frankincense, Myrrh, Angelica

I don't know if they sell to the public but I would advise anyone interested in trying it to seek treatment though a licensed practitioner of Oriental Medicine and Acupuncture.

My fibroid is still enlarged from my pregnancy, my body is still producing beta HCG though it is slowly dropping. I'm back in weekly acupuncture treatment and soon I'll start using the herbs once again.

I just thought I would share since I did try very hard to be controlled in my evaluation of my fibroid size before and after treatment and I did have positive results. I hope that this gives you hope and inspiration as well.

In His Grace

Ecstasy.
In His grace.
Something important in store for me.
My closest hour.

The watch wheels spin slowly
the sky turns electric blue, or turquoise
a color really that no words can hold.

The pineapple and the family tree
take sudden shape
from here springs all life.

In the rays of sun, from my front porch
I could touch the stars.
It is completely silent and
the world around me has turned
vivid warm shades.
I catch my breath and pull closer,
the heat penetrates me.
I need to be in the light;
indoors I feel a chill across my skin,
it creeps and is unfriendly.
I go into the light.

I decide that Joan of Arc
had a miscarriage and that was why
they killed her.
And Morrissey, he doesn't actually like
gladiolas
he just tells people that so when
they come at him with flowers
it just reminds him of the fact
that they don't know him at all.
How clever he is.

I tried laying in the bed, on the cloth sheets
settling down, taking a rest
surely I had something to do with it.
I turn, I bend, I contort.
There is no relief.
Please let it stop.

I drink red wine and eat chocolate;
chocolate might be able to keep the pain at bay.
I make tea, hot passionflower tea,
so named in memory of Jesus's crown of thorns.
The tea is soothing some and the pain calms for
a couple of hours.

The doctor said take ibuprofen
was he kidding me?
It is like my uterus is trying to rub itself clean.
Pain radiates from below my ribcage
half way down my thighs.
That is more than half my body mass I think.
More wine, I need more wine
and heat, but I'm not allowed to bathe.
A hot water bottle, a red rubber vessel,
becomes my most prized possesion
filled to the top with hot water.

I breathe deeply,
isn't that what women do?
But breathing is for putting out babies
and there is no baby here
just a cruel test drive
a fire drill
an exception.

Except that God wants me close
closer than ever before; he needs me
to be strong, so strong
I'm not strong enough.
But his rays wrap around me
the growing light and love
I'm not alone, why I'm not sure
and no, it wasn't so clear right then
but I'm sure of it now.

God's children die for our sins
and mine, yes mine too
but not any more than anyone else's
and my baby didn't even come
it wasn't time yet, not our time.
Will it be soon?

So Many Days

I am a waterfall, the weight which pulls down constantly;
a fork, its tines twisted and useless;
a witch wanting to take babies from their mothers
because everyone should know how empty I feel.
I am like Scotland, rubbed raw of her Caledonian forests;
a bird frantically wanting to make nests;
an old teacup with a rotten egg.

I want to be hope on the horizon of a distant ship;
a comfort to those at my breast;
all daisies and dragonflies.
I wait, I count days, so many days

Grieving Loss

I think the hardest part about early loss, especially for us first time mothers, is that we are just starting to get used to the idea of being pregnant and beginning our plans for the next year and then suddenly you aren't expecting anymore. One book I have talks about how it is helpful to recognize that you and your husband are grieving different things -- you each had your own hopes and dreams about your baby. Over the past week my partner and I have had some ups and downs, sometimes he's the only one I can talk to about it and other times I hate how he acts about our loss. Try to use your extended network for support and not just your husband, it can help a little in my experience. But do let yourself grieve.

A new article/research that looks into the role of progesterone and
estrogen as influencers of fibroid growth.

Sex steroidal regulation of uterine leiomyoma growth and apoptosis

[The abstract is available to anyone, the full text requires a
subscription or you can pay for 24 hour access.]


UPDATE ON ME
My beta dropped this week from last week from 543 to 289 (thurs to
tues) which is a good sign and the doctor says we can just wait and
do another blood draw on Monday (the other alternatives were a repeat d&c or methotraxate - yuck!).

The rest of my bloodwork came back normal, which is good since I've
been bleeding/spotting for a month.

My basel temperature also dropped for the first time since the
miscarriage (where it dropped just one day) and is the lowest it has
been since I got pregnant. Keep your fingers crossed that all goes
well and that I get my period in the next week.

I got measurement info about my fibroid, here's for the last 4
ultrasounds (approximately) -- in September 2002 it was 6x6 cm:

Feb 2004 - 6 x 6.5 x 9 cm

June 9 2004 -- 6 x 7 cm (day I found out I was 2.5 weeks pregnant,
with weekly acupuncture treatments and chinese herbs starting in
January)

July 8 2004 -- 9 x 9 x 11 cm (after 3 weeks on 100mg supplemental
progesterone and one week prior off to the ultrasound - 6.5 weeks
pregnant)

August 17 -- 9 x 7 cm (with beta still elevated post miscarriage)

Interesting Facts

Male DNA doesn’t kick in until day 3 of cell division…

“Surprising to many, the male genome (sperm DNA) is silent in the first 3 days of embryo development. The oocyte drives the development and cleavage of the early embryo. On Day 4, a critical switch occurs, and the male genome is turned on. At this time, the maternal and paternal genomes begin to work in concert to orchestrate the activities of the newly developing embryo.

It is at this time - Day 4 - when abnormalities in the paternal genome may begin to have what can be profoundly devastating effects on embryo development. Therefore, using sperm with abnormal DNA for ICSI may lead to normal fertilization and early embryo development yet be followed by embryo death expressed as a failure to implant (no chemical pregnancy) or early pregnancy loss (prior to an ultrasound-confirmed heartbeat.)“

from: ICSI and SCSA Sperm Diagnostics

http://www.inciid.org/newsletter/feb/scsa.html





Maternal RNA helps fertilized egg read DNA instructions

“From the moment of fertilisation, the embryo grows as the cells of the fertilised egg multiply. However, there is a problem. How can the DNA be read if the materials needed to read it have not yet been produced? The answer is that they are provided by the mother in the form of mRNA and proteins. The early stages of development are controlled directly by the mother's genotype for about the first three weeks, in humans, after which the embryo's DNA takes over.”

from: Conception and Development

http://www.gender.org.uk/about/04embryo/44_cncp.htm





Paternal DNA grows placenta and gestational sac, maternal DNA grows healthy embryo

“...These observations suggest that genes expressed by the paternal genome are directed towards the development of extraembryonic tissues essential to support the growth of the embryo, while the maternal genome appears to be geared towards expressing genes that contribute to proper embryo development. The opposing tendencies of the male and female genomes as well as the elucidation from mouse studies that Igf2 and Igf2r are imprinted genes with conflicting functions led to the development of the most widely recognized theory of imprinting, the ‘parental conflict’ hypothesis (Haig and Graham, 1991; Moore and Haig, 1991). This theory proposes that the paternal genome has evolved to express genes that favour the extensive use of maternal resources and lead to optimal fetal development and growth, thus ensuring transmission of the father’s genes to the next generation. On the other hand, genes expressed by the maternal genome serve to counteract the effort made by paternally expressed genes, and limit investments in embryo development and growth in favour of salvaging resources for future pregnancies.”

from: Potential significance of genomic imprinting defects for reproduction and assisted reproductive technology

http://www.humupd.oupjournals.org/cgi/content/full/10/1/3

Too much progesterone -- looks like fibroid grew

I'm still recovering from my miscarriage post d&c and I'm thinking that my uterus is mostly back down to its smallest size, wrapped around my fibroid. I had a feeling that my fibroid grew during the early weeks of pregnancy but since the uterus was enlarged it was hard to be sure. Now though, when I lay on my stomach (doing some exercises on the floor last night) I can feel my uterus/fibroid as I lay there. Big bummer eh? (I had a 6x7cm single intramural fibroid on the right side of my uterus)

My doctor put me on supplemental progesterone since my levels tend to be low, 50 mg of progesterone via vaginal suppositories twice daily. The progesterone actually made me feel like I was on a roller
coaster -- I felt horrible. I only know it was the progesterone since I stopped taking it when we found out our embryo wasn't developing and I felt so much better.

My progesterone level when checked last fall was 9.4 ng/ml, when it
was checked when I got pregnant (about twice the number of days from
ovulation as when I had the previous test) it was 19.8 -- so it had
doubled in twice the amount of time. Studies have shown lower
progesterone levels have been linked to higher miscarriage rates
(http://www.inciid.org/fertinews/progthresh.html), although there is
some disagreement in the medical community as to whether or not
supplementing progesterone will help keep women from miscarrying.

So, I'm not sure if I just have lower progesterone and that's normal for me and it will be fine, or if it might have contributed to our loss (one can only speculate at this time). I imagine that it is possible that my progesterone was low and I needed supplemental but maybe not as much as I was given, or that maybe just the fact that my fibroid is present means that the extra progesterone is going to cause growth regardless and unless it is removed it will always cause the same problem. Hormone levels in early pregnancy aren't that high, so it is possible that this was more progesterone than I could handle and that it wasn't balanced out with the estrogen.

I'll let you know if I learn any more, if my fibroid shrinks any or
if there are new numbers from the ultrasounds I had in the past month about the size change from early June.

A message to another woman going through a miscarriage:

I found out on July 1 that we had a blighted ovum, so there wasn't a baby but just a gestational sac. I was deeply sad the first few days about not getting to be a mother. My doctor had us do a follow up u/s the next week which confirmed that no baby was present.

I was offered d&c or to miscarry naturally, I also looked into mifepristone (RU-486) but my doctor said since I have a large fibroid that he didn't think it was a good idea. My doctor was out of town the following week and I opted to have the d&c on July 19th. I figured I was giving my body a good chance to figure it out on its own by waiting.

Well, nothing changed while I waited and it just got kind of frustrating in a way that my body was spending so much energy on a pregnancy that wasn't going anywhere. I would see pg women on the bus or walking downtown and think "I'm pregnant too, but with nothing" and I hated having that in common with them. I also found that I couldn't talk to most people about what had happened, since it wasn't over yet. People heard about our failed pregnancy but didn't quite understand that I was still pregnant.

I had the d&c a week ago on Monday and it wasn't that bad. My doctor is an RE and did an u/s guided procedure to just remove the products of conception and not disturb the endometrium. The full on scrape out type of d&c can lead to scarring. [link=http://worthwhile.blogspot.com/2004/07/im-back-and-i-survived.html]You can read about my d&c here[/link].

The d&c is just helping move along the process of ending the pregnancy. The body has one way to recover from pregnancy and it uses it for miscarriage as well as normal delivery. I'm sure the resulting symptoms are stronger the longer one has been pregnant since the hormone levels only get higher.

[b]I'm someone who likes to know the details about what is going on so I'm sharing my experience with early pregnancy loss with you but skip if you don't want to know[/b]

There isn't a lot of information about what happens post d&c and I don't want to freak you out but in order to prepare you (and others) I will describe what I experienced (and other may have different experiences):

Day 1: (day of procedure) Feeling a little out of it and tired the rest of the day.

Day 2: I went back to work but couldn't really do anything. I felt kind of numb about the experience. Some cramps and very light spotting. A hot water bottle helped.

Day 3: Felt very tired in the afternoon. Still light spotting and occasional cramping. Fairly productive at work. In the afternoon I started feeling really sleepy. I felt sick in the evening which I think was a combination of a 24-hour virus coupled with a big hormonal shift. I got bloated and had a fever overnight (probably unique to my experience).

Day 4: Headache, neck and backache. Stayed home. Still had a fever for part of the day. Slept in the afternoon.

Day 5: Still felt a headache, stayed at home. Cramps all day long. Around 4pm they started getting worse. I tried laying down but they were overwhelming. I had really intense cramping which hurt from just below my ribcage to halfway down my thighs. I took ibuprofen but it didn't really help. Red wine and a hot water bottle offered the best relief. I started bleeding finally around 10pm. The labor like cramps went on until 2:30am at which time I guess they subsided or something because I fell into a deep sleep.

Day 6&7: More cramping, headache, backache and now sadness. Sadness and anger at having to go through this experience.

Day 8: Back to work. Very weepy. Still uncomfortable with cramping.

Day 9: Stayed at home. Saw my chiropractor for a regular appointment (treatment for a back injury) and asked him to do what he could to make sure nothing was contributing to the cramping pain. In the afternoon I had a massage and the massage therapist gave me an abdominal massage, not deep tissue or anything just helping go over the middle. I cried during that part. I ran a little way with my dog in the park and my breasts were killing. I realized when I got home that lactation had kicked in.

Day 10 (today): Stayed at home again. I was feeling very exhausted today. I had an acupuncture appointment this morning to help balance me out. He told me that my liver was out of balance and that it was throwing off my kidney and spleen as well. He said that the bleeding aggravated my anemia and that there was some blood stagnation. He helped get rid of a lot of the pain in my abdomen. I asked him what I could do for my liver since it seems to be the most out of whack and he suggested a small amount of red wine -- which I had already been taking each day and really did seem to be the only thing that helped.

I looked up in my medical endocrinological text today about the lactation thing. Evidently 3-4 days post delivery the levels of progesterone and estrogen drop and prolactin has the stage to itself, those other hormones no longer suppressing its action on the mammary glands. It is supposed to go away on its own, provided you don't add any stimulation, in about a week or so.

The only thing that I would do differently if I could turn back time would be to know about this process ahead of time so I would be more prepared than the fact sheet they gave me that said "you may experience some cramping and bleeding" and I do wish the doctor had given me a prescription for a strong pain killer ahead of time.

The other thing I think we should accept is that society doesn't expect women who have gone through labor to deliver babies to go back to work right away. I think we need to remember that if we who have miscarriages experience labor, that we give ourselves the same TLC that we would want as a new mother.

I'm really sorry for your loss but hopefully knowing more about the physical process will help you through it. It is an emotionally and physically draining experience but allow yourself time to grieve and recover. I think I'm going to wait a fully cycle to try again, but maybe not.

I had the worst time yesterday from about 4pm. I was having what I can only describe as someone stabbing me multiple times in the abdomen with a sword and then dying. These were uterine cramps that were probably similar to labor. My uterus decided that it was time to redecorate and worked really hard to rip out the old endometrial lining. It went on for hours, from 4pm until I fell asleep and was still squirming when I got up to pee at 2am.

I tried everything I could think of -- red wine (4 glasses), passion flower tea, lemonbalm tea, chocolate (no really, it is supposed to help), anti-cramping meds I had from France when I had salmonella poisoning, a hot water bottle. Finally I took a muscle relaxant at 12:30 and that seemed to take the edge off a bit, at least it helped me sleep. I felt like a bit time drug abuser, and normally I'm such a straight-edge person, but I had to do something.

I finally had some more productive bleeding so I guess all my uterus's hard work was paying off. It was so bad I considered taking a taxi to the hospital and asking them to give me a sedative.

My partner isn't here, he left for Los Angeles yesterday to spend the weekend with his brother and mother. It's his brother's bday. I'm so glad that I knew not to go, I had a feeling something like this might happen and I couldn't imagine going through it on a plane!

I'm feeling better today and my exciting news is that yesterday my basel temp was 98.2 and this morning 97.8 -- the lowest temps I've had since I was pg. Actually this morning's temp puts me back below the CL and so we have actually reset the cycle on my body! Yeah!

ouch! Agonizing and debilitating cramps

So Wednesday night I lost half of my pg belly -- that was pretty dramatic. I can't believe how fast my body was reorganizing itself.

Today, Friday I missed work again since I still had a killer headache and some cramping. This progressed to major agonizing cramping around 4pm that had me moaning and writhing in pain. I ate chocolate -- helps keep anandamine, a pain and tranquilizing substance the body produces (similar to THC in marajuana) around in the body longer. I drank 2 glasses of red wine, took an anti-cramping drug I got in France a couple years ago when I had salmonella and then drank 1/3 cup of passion flower tea. I then tried breathing exercises and sat in the summer heat on my front porch with a hot water bottle for 2 hours and finally my cramps started to subside.

I was then able to go out for dinnner with friends, drank more red wine, and the cramping was pretty quiet for a couple hours. Then I went to a friend's house and she's an herbalist and made me lemonbalm tea which, like passion flower, is supposed to be a nerve tonic. Drinking that and holding the hot mug to my belly both helped some as the cramps were coming back.

I wasn't having any major bleeding until about an hour ago, still light by the menses benchmark but red and not dark like before. I feel like someone has stabbed me with a sword a couple times in the abdomen and I'm dying to be honest. I'm now having another glass of red wine and going to go to bed with the hot water bottle clutched to my abdomen in spite of the heat wave we are having here in Seattle. Whatever it takes.

OUCH!

I hope this subsides by morning.

I was so sick yesterday and my partner had to go to work in the morning and I was worried. Last night I even told him the nice things I wish he would say to me -- "I'm sorry you aren't feeling well", "I'm sorry this is so hard on your body", "I love you and I want you to be better". He then goes, "I'm really glad you have that out of you and had the procedure done." I gave up and asked him to bring me a hot water bottle for the cramps which he did. What can we do but throw up our arms. They mean well. Come to your girlfriends for the real support.

Why does it seem like there isn't any information about what happens when you miscarry, not the clinical stuff but the physical stuff.

When I left work yesterday I was feeling a bit woozy so I bought a bottle of water before I met a friend visiting from out of town. We then walked to a pub and I felt like laying down but I decided to be a trooper and push through it. I drank about 36 ounces of water over the next few hours and got incredibly bloated. I remembered that the hypothalmus helps control our cycles and also is involved in managing how much water is in our systems -- its what decides when you have to pee. I figure that my brain and endocrine system is starting to make some big adjustments but I was so swollen. My skin felt hot, my breasts had shooting pains, I had a headache and my hearing was weird -- everything sounded hollow.

We took a cab home and I got in bed and took my temp with has been over 100 since last night and was over 101 for several hours. I ache all over, my back and neck and legs in particular -- sort of like when I get the flu. This morning I also had some intense cramps and my heaviest bleeding so far of dark menstrual blood but it isn't really heavy compared to my period.

My partner called the doc this morning and they say this is normal and expected. I can understand why reorganizing my body to shift functions away from the pregnancy is a big deal I just didn't know I would feel like I had been hit by a truck.

Is my experience so far similar to yours? Is each miscarriage its own deal? This is a fairly cruel process overall but I guess that's the way the equipment works. I just makes it even harder that we don't get to have a baby and instead have to go through this.

I was starting to get worried because I was only spotting ever so lightly. This morning I decided that some exercise might help so I did some ballet for 30 minutes and tried relaxing my uterus. This did help as the bleeding has increased, but it is still fairly light. I'm glad to be making some progress.

Actually a little while ago I went to the bathroom and had a cramp so bad that it brought tears to my eyes. I'm now sitting with a heating pad on my lap as I work and I think it will help take the edge off.

Adventures in miscarrying.

I've researched progesterone a lot and I've used both a topical cream and Rx vaginal suppositories. My progesterone level was low when I had my 7dpo test last October, and I have other small symptoms of low progesterone as well. My mother had low progesterone prior to conceiving my brother, after 3 miscarriages -- although she is allergic to iodine and has thyroid trouble.

My P4 at 19 dpo was 18.4 which is low I know. I used NPC (natural progesterone cream) for 4 days (19dpo-22dpo) and then the vag. suppositories (V.S.), 50 mg twice daily starting a week after that (there was a problem with the Rx so hence the delay.

My early pregnancy was full of queasiness (like motion sickness -- I recall it now from physical memory like being on a roller coaster -- which I hate!!!). My breasts were huge and sore, I felt like I was surrounded by cotton -- I couldn't think clearly. And my mood! I was like Attila the Hun there, snapping and losing it at the drop of a hat.

When I found out about my blighted ovum I stopped taking the progesterone and magically I felt 100 times better. I had no idea when I was taking it that it was the progesterone that was jerking me around so much. Now that I've finally kicked the bugger out (d&c yesterday) and I'm preparing myself for my next try (in a few weeks or so) I feel just so confused about the progesterone. It seems like it caused some fibroid growth, made me feel like HELL and hardly functional at all. I'm feeling reluctant to take it, at least in that high dosage the next time.

I didn't have any bloodwork done when I was on the V.S. so I don't know if my body is super killer at processing progesterone or if I'm absolutely horrible at metabolizing it so it just builds up to unbearable degrees. I guess I'll have to talk to my doc.

I'm back and I survived. Overall I have to say it was a relief to finally have this d&c done. I think it was all the prayers that helped make this easier for me. Thank you!

My doctor was great, so careful and conservative. He definitely has a lot of experience working in that area. The nurses were awesome; they were so nice and caring. The procedure was done in the operatory suite where they retrieve eggs for IVF patients. The nurses gave me warmed blankets over my shoulders and stomach and kept my legs and feet warm with towels as well.

Having had a more than typically painful HSG last year, I think that I was better prepared for the sensations which were similar but just more and longer. When I had my HSG the RE tried to help stretch out my uterus for better films, the uterus being wrapped around the fibroid. She did this by pressing the speculum in different directions which pulled on the ligaments I guess. I had cramps for days afterwards. I also have periodic pelvic pain from my fibroid so again, this wasn't shocking to me. If I had never had any such discomfort in my life it probably would have been worse. The nurses and doctor all said that I was a great patient with a good pain tolerance. They asked if I did yoga, I told them that I danced -- I think they were amazed that I could sit in stirrups for so long as it took a while for us to get started.

The worst thing was that it took 3 tries to get the IV started and I left the hospital with bandages on both arms.

My partner was there in with me the entire time which was a great relief, more than I would have supposed. Once the sedatives kicked in I kept babbling on and on about all kinds of things although mostly about how odd this experience was.

Yesterday afternoon I came home and took a nap on the couch for a while. Then my sister and one of my best friends came over and spent time with me for a few hours. my partner and I walked down the street for a late dinner at 9pm. I mostly felt tired.

I feel a little crampy today and I've had just a minor amount of spotting so far. My temp was a little elevated this morning so I'll keep an eye on that. It might just be my thyroid trying to adjust itself at this point.

I actually have less pelvic pain now than I did before the procedure, I think that is because of my fibroid already distending the uterus. My breasts are also starting to soften slightly -- yippee! My doc is still cool with me TTC with the fibroid intact. I did find out that he is leaving the hospital to go out on his own at the end of the month. He'll only be 30 minutes away in Everett, WA but still I'm bummed since that is a hike and it took so long to find someone I like and trust.

I have some tears trapped inside of me still, I know they will come out sooner or later but I'm doing pretty good over all. A little numb maybe but I feel like a survivor.

I dragged my partner out to a lavender festival this weekend. It was great to get away from home. We spent the night at a friends house and drove around the countryside today. I got a lot of fresh air and sunshine and didn't allow myself to mope around all weekend. I feel like it is crazy that our embryo didn't develop and that we've known that since July 1 but here it is the 18th and I'm still pregnant. Almost over finally. It's been an odd journey over the past couple weeks, including hormonal ups and downs. I'm feeling closer to normal today, not sure if it was the sun or if maybe my HCG is dropping. My nipples are still sore and my abdomen is still fluffy (aka: fat).

I'm about to head over to the hospital to get un-pregnant. I wonder how long it will take to get over this. My biggest thing now is finding some sanitary napkins in my purses that I can consolidate. I haven't bought any and I was just out when we found out we were pg in June. I hope I don't feel bad this afternoon. Send me your best thoughts and prayers please.

I'm about to head over to the hospital to get un-pregnant. I wonder how long it will take to get over this. My biggest thing now is finding some sanitary napkins in my purses that I can consolidate. I haven't bought any and I was just out when we found out we were pg in June. I hope I don't feel bad this afternoon. Send me your best thoughts and prayers please.

These were some of the more useful links that I've found in understanding what was going on with my blighted ovum/early miscarriage. I thought I would share.

GENERAL MISCARRIAGE

Understanding Miscarriage

Early Pregnancy Loss

Miscarriage Explained

Early Miscarriage

Miscarriage and PCOS

Missed Abortion

Post-partum Bleeding (lochia)

Miscarriage Information


BLIGHTED OVUM

Blighted Ovum

Blighted Ovum

Anembryonic gestation


DILATION AND CURETTAGE - D&C

Dilation and curettage

Dilation and curettage 2


MEDICAL MANAGEMENT (DRUGS)

Methotrexate For Noncancerous Conditions (Systemic)

Pharmaceutical Induction - Pitocin and Cytotec (Misoprostol)

Medical Abortions

Completing A Miscarriage


I found this study that was published earlier this year and it was interesting because it was both effective, used a lesser dosage than is commonly used in the US currently for abortion purposes and had fewer side effects.

Medical management of first trimester miscarriage (blighted ovum and missed abortion): is it effective?


NATURAL INDUCTION – NOT RECOMMENDED

I did find this link with information from midwives on ways to medically complete a "missed abortion".

Completing A Miscarriage

Here's someone's reading list from Amazon.com on herbal abortions -- no I don't recommend going that route, I found some other links that talks about how toxic it is for the mother.


RETAINED TISSUE

Detection of retained products of conception following spontaneous abortion in the first trimester

GESTATIONAL TROPHOBLASTIC DISEASE/ MOLAR PREGNANCY

Gestational Trophoblastic Disease


Gestational Trophoblastic Disease (Sloan Kettering)


"Of utmost importance is careful follow-up with serum beta HCG (BHCG) weekly until less than 100 mIU/mL and then every two weeks. The patient should have a careful pelvic examination every other week and a chest x-ray every 4-6 weeks. Once the titer of serum BHCG has fallen to normal levels, these two examinations need no longer be done; however, BHCG titers need to be repeated every 2 weeks for 3 months, then monthly for 3 months, then every 2 months for 6 months, then every 6 months for 3 years. Each patient should be counseled in the use of a reliable birth control method." (from the NIH site)


"Women should be advised to avoid pregnancy until hCG levels have been normal for six months following evacuation of a molar pregnancy and for one year following chemotherapy for gestational trophoblastic tumour. The combined oral contraceptive pill is safe for use by women with GTT (III-C)."
(from: http://sogc.medical.org/sogcnet/sogc_docs/common/guide/pdfs/ps114.pdf)

Embolization of Bleeding Residual Uterine Vascular Malformations in Patients with Treated Gestational Trophoblastic Tumors


Molar Pregnancy



GRIEVING, SUPPORT & RECOVERY

http://www.pregnancyloss.info/

SHARE – Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support

Pregnancy After Miscarriage (PAM)

Hygeia Foundtation & Institute for Perinatal Loss and Bereavement

Coping with the 5 stages of grief and bereavement

October 15th - Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

What is Grief?

Crazy. I just got off the phone with my 95 year old aunt. My family is back East and I haven't really been in a good place to talk about what has happened with my pregnancy. I sent email and hoped that my parents could pick up the slack.

My aunt didn't know, somehow she missed the email. I think she was calling me because she was excited. She started telling me about the loss of her only child, stillborn, some 70 year ago. She also lost her husband, and her best friend died towards the end of her pregnancy -- all within the same year. I'd heard this story before but not from her. When we finished talking I could tell she was crying. I feel so terrible for her suffering, and for bringing back bad memories.

I'm having a bad day today so I stayed at home. I was dreaming about the d&c scheduled for Monday and I woke up feeling very emotional and out of sorts. Monday my procedure is scheduled for noon, no food after midnight, only clear liquids until 5:30 AM or so and then I'll be on a fast. I can only imagine how crappy I will feel post procedure since I'll still have the HCG in my system -- and that seems to be what makes me puky/hungry all the time.

I don't know what to do except pray for all the lost babies and for their mothers.