In spite of my aching ovaries we went out for a nice dinner together last night. My partner ordered a fabulous bottle of red wine, 1998 vintage from Europe (he loves '98 and '99 from Europe as they were noted as great years for growing grapes). The wine helped, getting a little tipsy helped.

I was so tired by the end of the day yesterday, it's be a long week. I had work to do last night but I couldn't do it so I just made do today.

My spotting has progressed some, it reminds me more of what you get after the peak of your period. Still there is more stuff in there than my lining and that will have to come out sooner or later. I felt bad this morning so I called in sick and told them I had food poisoning. Whatever. I've been working from home but so far nothing exciting happening on the miscarriage end of things. Maybe soon, over the weekend.

I was just thinking that for all the time I said "Please God. Please God" it didn't work. I've had to work so hard to get pregnant and then I lose another one. My partner did get me pregnant twice within a year period. And the third cycle since our last pregnancy and my surgery. That's not too bad right? We should have hope.

A bunch of my infertile and miscarriage buddies have just gotten pregnant recently, I'm a tiny bit jealous but I'm also so excited for them. They too have worked hard and waited a long time for their tiny heartbeats. Hopefully I'll be pregnant again soon enough.

I got a letter in the mail from my RE's office yesterday; she's leaving the clinic. That's 3 for 3 RE's that I've seen and they all left that practice. They do excellent work. During my d&c last July one nurse mentioned that the hospital administration was the issue. Too bad and sad because people really need good help and they were all excellent. I would never go to the group that had formerly been at the University of Washington so let's just hope that we can do this on our own. Again, so far so good right?

My Miscarriage Prescription

Here is my recipe for getting through the pain of a miscarriage, which works for any miscarriage physical pain:

Red Wine -- this helps to take the edge off the pain in a way that nothing else did. My acupuncturist told me afterwards that red wine "moves the blood" in chinese medicine which is why it works. It didn't cause any increase of bleeding just in case it sounds that way.

Marijuana -- the body produces natural painkillers called anandamides akin to THC in marajuana (which is humans are affected by THC at all). There are a large proportion of anandamide receptors in the uterus which is probably why marajuana is helpful for painful menses. Anandamines both dull the pain sensation and dulls the memory -- both useful affects to help women get through childbirth. You can just watch how your body's natural painkillers work or try supplementing with marajuana (which I do not use and didn't try in this situation so I'm not sure quite how it would work).

Dark Chocolate -- it turns out that chocolate helps keep anandamine in the body longer so why not have some chocolate. I can't say it is easy to distinguish whether or not this is working but it sure didn't hurt and it was a great distraction and an excuse to eat chocolate.

Herbal Tea -- lemonbalm and chamomile are nerve tonics and mild sedatives and are pleasant tasting. Passionflower tea is a little stronger but it helps soothe anxiety, it acts as a mild sedative and it reduces tension in the body. I found that passionflower tea helped to calm the pain and cramping for a couple of hours during the most intense part.

Hot Water Bottle -- use this pressed up against your belly or back and just rest against it. Also you might get cold so wrap yourself in a blanket if need be.

Tylenol -- helpful with the intense pain of my second miscarriage, which was all natural and at home.

Massage -- Follow up several days later with an abdominal (as well as full-body) massage by a professional to get rid of any residual pain.

Acupuncture -- With both of my miscarriages I had a lot of pain for days afterwards, acupuncture was able to help release the pain and help my body adjust to the change. I also had several grief treatments Internal/External Dragon (japanese treatment) after my second loss which released a lot of pent up emotion.

In case of bad bleeding, try these tricks for controlling uterine bleeding. This is a harder one as you really have to keep an eye on how much blood you lose. Factor in how far away the nearest hospital and get there ASAP if you think you are in trouble.

Hope this helps, keep it on hand for future reference in case you know anyone who can use it.



Updated 3/18/06.

I had the worst time yesterday from about 4pm. I was having what I can only describe as someone stabbing me multiple times in the abdomen with a sword and then dying. These were uterine cramps that were probably similar to labor. My uterus decided that it was time to redecorate and worked really hard to rip out the old endometrial lining. It went on for hours, from 4pm until I fell asleep and was still squirming when I got up to pee at 2am.

I tried everything I could think of -- red wine (4 glasses), passion flower tea, lemonbalm tea, chocolate (no really, it is supposed to help), anti-cramping meds I had from France when I had salmonella poisoning, a hot water bottle. Finally I took a muscle relaxant at 12:30 and that seemed to take the edge off a bit, at least it helped me sleep. I felt like a bit time drug abuser, and normally I'm such a straight-edge person, but I had to do something.

I finally had some more productive bleeding so I guess all my uterus's hard work was paying off. It was so bad I considered taking a taxi to the hospital and asking them to give me a sedative.

My partner isn't here, he left for Los Angeles yesterday to spend the weekend with his brother and mother. It's his brother's bday. I'm so glad that I knew not to go, I had a feeling something like this might happen and I couldn't imagine going through it on a plane!

I'm feeling better today and my exciting news is that yesterday my basel temp was 98.2 and this morning 97.8 -- the lowest temps I've had since I was pg. Actually this morning's temp puts me back below the CL and so we have actually reset the cycle on my body! Yeah!

ouch! Agonizing and debilitating cramps

So Wednesday night I lost half of my pg belly -- that was pretty dramatic. I can't believe how fast my body was reorganizing itself.

Today, Friday I missed work again since I still had a killer headache and some cramping. This progressed to major agonizing cramping around 4pm that had me moaning and writhing in pain. I ate chocolate -- helps keep anandamine, a pain and tranquilizing substance the body produces (similar to THC in marajuana) around in the body longer. I drank 2 glasses of red wine, took an anti-cramping drug I got in France a couple years ago when I had salmonella and then drank 1/3 cup of passion flower tea. I then tried breathing exercises and sat in the summer heat on my front porch with a hot water bottle for 2 hours and finally my cramps started to subside.

I was then able to go out for dinnner with friends, drank more red wine, and the cramping was pretty quiet for a couple hours. Then I went to a friend's house and she's an herbalist and made me lemonbalm tea which, like passion flower, is supposed to be a nerve tonic. Drinking that and holding the hot mug to my belly both helped some as the cramps were coming back.

I wasn't having any major bleeding until about an hour ago, still light by the menses benchmark but red and not dark like before. I feel like someone has stabbed me with a sword a couple times in the abdomen and I'm dying to be honest. I'm now having another glass of red wine and going to go to bed with the hot water bottle clutched to my abdomen in spite of the heat wave we are having here in Seattle. Whatever it takes.

OUCH!

I hope this subsides by morning.