Early Breastfeeding Observations

I didn't do anything special to prepare other than study and read about proper latch techniques -- lips flared outward, nipple pointed up towards the back/roof of the baby's mouth, bring the baby to the boob not the boob to the baby, proper posture, etc.

I had a c/s delivery two weeks ago and was still able to get the baby to latch on all right -- first with the help of the post-partum nurse and then for the first tries with my partner managing both baby and nipple.

I did have colustrum and he seemed to be doing great at getting it out of there but dang all that suction was really intense those first few days. His bowels started moving pretty quickly (he was passing meconium for several days) but by the fourth morning my baby's lips were looking a little dry and his skin was starting to lose some of its hydration. I think it's par for the course the first few days which is why term infants have some extra body fat to help get them through. My milk came in hours later though, and not a moment too soon.

Within the first hours of nursing him I did notice tiny blisters on my nipples. I don't think you can really avoid this or prepare your nipples for it. It's way more than just friction. The blisters did scab over a little bit after a couple of days and I used Lansinoh to help them heal which thankfully only took a couple of days -- its really important to stay on top of this irritation early on.

The first or second night after my milk came in baby had a massive suck fest, feeding ever 1-1.5 hours for hours on end. I believe his body was trying to catch up on the calories he lost in the first few days. You might notice something similar with your baby. Typically now he eats between 1.5-3.5 hours and not usually that closely together overnight.

Your baby very well may consume more milk than he can handle so make sure to have some bibs, washcloths, etc. at hand as he might spit back up half of what he ate. If you are sensitive and pay attention you can actually help moderate how long he nurses to help make sure he doesn't over fill himself.

My baby typically still only takes one breast at a feeding and that seems to work out fine for us. A lactation consultant from the hospital called to check up on us a few days post-partum and she said to burp him and then try him on the other side but I've not had any supply issues -- rather he takes in too much or even ends up choking sometimes as the letdown can bring on too much.

One of my friends emailed me a couple weeks before baby arrived and said to me that no matter what I know my baby best so I've used that as a rule of thumb. (he had gained 10 oz by 12 days postpartum so I know it is working for us).

Use wet and soiled diapers, plus baby's swallows and satisfaction as your guide that he's taking enough nourishment.

Also, something I haven't really seen described anywhere is that not only do your baby's lips need to be flanged outwards but inside his mouth a large part of him working the nipple involves your baby chewing down on the areola with his gums. The lips can look perfectly positioned and still your baby might end up with his gums chewing on the nipple. This kills so you need to pry his mouth off by inserting your finger in the side of his mouth until he breaks the latch and try again.

I feel fortunate in that it was only about 5 days of pain/discomfort and my baby is a real trooper about working with me on relatching him as many times as it takes.

One more thing, your baby will start rooting around and making little noises indicating he is ready to eat prior to crying. If you respond to his early signals then he's going to be more patient with you, if you wait until he is upset and crying then both of you are going to be agitated and frustrated.

I found that as I got closer to the end of my pregnancy I started to be able to let more of my fears go and just be. I hope you will find the same as you get into those final weeks where the baby's health even if s/he should come early is more certain. I still am amazed at how long it took for us to get here, but I learned so much along the way (not that it was all willingly experienced) that I know I'm stronger for it

I've talk to my partner some in the past few days about how many tears I shed thinking that we would never get here -- negative doctors, difficult diagnoses, our losses, the surgeries, etc. And, for all the times my partner was like "it doesn't matter to me either way if we have a baby" he's now totally in love with his baby and he's upstairs right now working on editing songs from his band on the computer with Jonah in a pouch and he can't wait to have the chance to bottle feed him in a few weeks.

I don't know if one can ever totally reconcile what infertility does to you, but in the present moment there is such a sense of satisfaction and joy at being able to take care of this perfect little guy (with his tiny puss) that I can honestly say I'm happy -- tired yes, but happy.

My animals have been a little out of sorts, but mostly they are doing well. One cat pooped in the hallway the other day but I've been slowly showing him the baby, giving him extra attention (or even just more of the regular attention he's used to) and extra brushing and he seems like he's relaxing about it a bit.

We are co-sleeping at the moment and rather liking it -- all three of us. It makes it easier to give each other a bit of a break over night, even if just for a couple of hours, to know that the other one is one duty with the baby. We've also had some giggles with middle of the night diaper changes when we put the diaper on the wrong way or the baby decides to shoot out some poop right as you are in the middle of changing him into a new one -- twice in the space of a minute. We'll continue to make adjustments as needed though as my partner is going to have to be able to get a bit more rest overnight so I'll be likely doing more changes and feedings in the nursery in the coming weeks. My partner goes back to work tomorrow -- only 4 days off though he's going to work from home when he can, and work shortened hours.

I've got to eat some lunch before we head out to the pediatricians for a little check-up. Since we are nursing they wanted to have Jonah checked a couple days after we left the hospital for hydration, jaundice and weight. The kid has been nursing so vigorously and soiling so many diapers that I would be surprised if he isn't over his birth weight already.

Just dropping by for a quick note. Baby's sleeping downstairs with Grandma at the moment so I've got a bit of a break.

So Jonah's birth weight was 8.05 lbs. His discharge weight was 7 lbs 7 oz. At his ped appt. he was back up to 7 lbs 13oz. -- so gaining over an ounce a day.

He's a great eater, and getting him to latch hasn't been that difficult. Granted it takes us a few tries but we're both determined and we've always worked it out.

Little things I've noticed over the past few days...

In spite of a careful latch I still developed tiny blisters on my nipples in the first few days, which then scabbed over slightly. Lansinoh helped to get me over that hump. I don't see how one could not get blisters though as the suction of the little one isn't like something your nipples can prepare for.

Milk letdown has built up over the past few days to the point where the breast I'm not feeding from will start leaking while I'm nursing. It's good to keep a towel on hand to help out with that and the inevitable spit up.

Lying in bed the other night I suddenly felt like my breasts heaved a little on their own, and I got a tiny little headache in-between my eyes (yin tang point in acu). I figured out quickly that it was letdown -- just on its own, without nursing -- probably because I was just relaxing thinking about baby lying next to me. I've noticed that I get that little headache for a few minutes at the start of letdown at each feeding -- so weird and I'm thinking of asking my acu about it.

I haven't had a lot of post-partum bleeding, just pink. It does increase some after a feeding and I can definately feel my uterus contracting while I nurse -- which at the moment just feels like an uncomfortable pinchiness -- probably due to my c/s.

I'm learning about my baby's patterns when he requires attention -- usually it is tied to digestion. He fusses b/c he is hungry, has bubbles (or is trying to help move food in his GI tract) or is trying to have a BM. These things can happen in almost any order though, so you start with the obvious:

If he's rooting he's hungry
If he's rooting but fussing and won't latch then he either needs a diaper change or he's in need of a tummy rub
If he starts fussing in the middle of a feed then he needs a tummy rub or a burp
If it's been a while since he was last changed then start with a diaper change
(lather, rinse, repeat)

Since my milk came in we had to adjust our expectations as there are now more wet diapers to deal with. Also, he can eat more than his stomach can hold and in the middle of the night I went to pee and came back and my partner was asking me what this big wet patch was on the bed. It turns out that Jonah had a huge spit-up all over my partner and the bed.

Here's a suitably cute pic of Jonah

Jonah is an awesome little guy, pretty alert (always looking around), eating really well, and cooing a lot. We're really enjoying our time with him.

Friday was a bit rough (no I don't recommend c/s if you can avoid it) as I was overwelmed and drugged up. Still we got nursing going well and it was great having my partner, mother and sister there to help look after Jonah.

My milk finally came in today, and not a moment too soon -- I was really mindful of getting him to latch well but colustrom sucking hurts after a while. The meconium poops were a yucky mess there for a while too, but now we're moving on and they are easier to clean up.

I came home yesterday afternoon, pretty tired but ready to leave the disruptions and overmedicating of the hospital behind me. It's been interesting trying to sort out a little bit of a schedule and where to change him etc. but we're figuring it all out. I love to hold and look at him, he's so tiny and perfect

Introducing Jonah Blue

Born via cesarean section February 9th 2007, 9:58 AM weighing 8.05 pounds.

Belly at 38 weeks 5 days

Here's the last belly shot before baby gets here. It's not the best comparison to the earlier shots but it will have to do.


Looking forward to sharing new adventures with you in the coming weeks and months. Thanks for all the notes of support :)

I've got my last few things on order and in route or planned (just to help myself keep them straight here they are):

Area rug -- arrived this afternoon
Shades for windows -- on order, should be done by end of next week from Lowe's
Diaper pins and fasteners -- on order from local WAHM
Changing pad for changing table -- coming Thursday from BabyCenter
Infant Carseat Frame -- in place of stroller coming next week
Bottles -- Sassy Mam, coming next week
Baby socks -- my partner got them this evening at Gap

I've got my cloth diapers, breast pump, diapering accessories, sorted out.

I need to finish up packing my bag for the hospital, though I'll have to do some more laundry as there isn't much that's comfortable that fits right now. We'll take one more belly shot before we go in.


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My partner went all out and laid out the new area rug in the baby's room this evening. He kept saying afterwards -- Instant baby's room -- though honestly it's taken a good 7 weeks to get it to where it is now. It's feeling pretty ready for us now though and I'm comfortable in it and looking forward to getting to bond with baby boy in it.

I'll have to see about getting a post up here over the weekend if I can. Still, I can't believe I'm about to become a mother.

Diaper Delivery Today

As I have mentioned previously, we are going to try our hand at cloth diapering. It will have its challenges I'm sure, but we don't really like the idea of adding disposable diapers to the landfill (you use something like 10-12 diapers a day with a newborn!)

I signed up with the local diaper service for a month, and then we can decide if we want to continue with that for a while longer or shift over into our own stash of diapers.
Cloth diapering has come a long way in the past 10 years, there are new microfiber options that keep baby dry and can be reused. Pretty fancy stuff. We're just starting out with cotton diapers and diaper covers made from new materials.

This morning the diaper service dropped off the first lot of diapers and a diaper pail, maybe not that exciting for you but for me it's one more thing crossed off the list.



Earlier in the week I was able to find someone selling diaper covers through Craigslist. It's really common to buy these items used and they are in fine condition -- half price for the lot, not bad.

I've also got a bunch of diaper creams, cotton, etc. I just need a changing pad and diaper fasteners and we're good to go. Phew!

My Delivery Plans

I'm going to have my partner and sister (a doula in training, she just needs to attend more births as a doula) at the delivery. My OB did mention it was partly up to the anaesthesiologist how many people we have in the room though. I'm thinking it will work out how I'd like though.

My doctor said he would lower the drape when they are going to pull baby out if I like. He said that the baby will stay in the room with us the entire time after the delivery (provided there aren't any issues needing extra care for him). My partner isn't interested in cutting the cord he has told me.

Actually my partner is rather liking the idea that he's going to be the first one to interact much with our baby boy. He tells me he's going to take him off to the side and get to know him and name him and eventually I'll get to be introduced. I think he knows that it's not totally up to him how it goes, and we will try to offer the breast to the baby soon after delivery.

I worry that trying to figure out nursing and the new baby with too many visitors is going to be a little overwelming. I'll probably be in the hospital for a few days, but my inclination is to send out an email to friends and family ahead of time letting them know what my expectations were about visitors. I just have a feeling that with my temperment I'm going to need some room to be able to figure out how to care for my baby without additional outside pressure and expectations.

For anyone reading who is also going to have a planned cesarean, The Essential C-Section Guide is a helpful book to read as it will run you through the paces of what to expect including breastfeeding post surgery.

My partner has struggled a little with the idea that my sister and mother will be included in the delivery and post-partum period (my mom's coming for 3 weeks and she's soooo excited about her first grandchild's arrival) but for me it just feels right. After talking to him more about it, and him talking with other female friends who have children, he's come to see that having a grandmother's help is a good thing, even if they might drive you a little crazy in the meantime. For me I feel like it helps take all the pressure off of me to have extra hands to help mother our baby boy -- and hopefully it will let me rest and heal better.

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Changing the topic slightly, the doctor's office called and my test results came back great. I tested negative for Strep B, my ferritin had jumped up from 7 in November to 13, and my hematocrit was up from 31 to 35.7. The nurse said that compared to many other woman at this late stage in pregnancy my blood work looked great. Its nice to know that taking all the vitamins is helping. I just wanted to be sure that things were looking okay prior to going in for surgery next week.

37 Week OB Visit

I had my appointment with my doctor today. The nurse claimed she tried to reach me a few times but all I got was one message. My c-section has been scheduled though, for 9:30 am on Friday 2/9. One more thing out of the way.

My blood pressure was good, urine test clear, I gained another 6 pounds but that's still only about 30 pounds gain total. I got a surprise check today. The hospital requires a strep B test for all women so I got swapped down below. The doctor also checked my cervix, which is softened but not dialated at all and the baby's head is down there but ballotable (he's not engaged or fully pressing down on the cervix yet).

I asked pointedly if we should be checking on my anemia and he agreed (hey, I don't think someone with a history of anemia should be going into surgery without a good sense of where its at beforehand). So that's out with the strep B and I guess I'll have some results later this week or something.

Lots of braxton-hicks this morning, and some achiness in my low pelvis, something feels like it is banging into my cervix, probaby the kid's head or hand or something.

While I was in the restroom my partner ran into a friend of ours, she asked if he was there because we were expecting. Later I joked with him that he should have said that he was there for his own gynecological appointment (hehe). She's expecting as well and has been on bedrest for weeks due to cervical thinning issues but she made it to 26 weeks so far which is great.

My next appointment will be on Monday and then we'll deliver on Friday. Finally we are really in the home stretch.

No word back from the doctor's office -- I'm going to talk to him on Monday about how disappointed I am to be neglected in this manner at this late stage. I called in 5 times over the past week and all I got back was one message with a couple of times on my home phone from a nurse or something. Totally unacceptable. My friend said last night that this was how my pg could be like a natural delivery -- you just never know when its going to happen.

I got through the work week, and finally got a bit more rest Wed and Thurs nights. No more going into the office for a while.

My big things this week are (mine you my partner is going to be helping with many of these things):

• Get windows repaired in baby's room (Sun)


• Get infant car seat installed in my car


• Baby shower tomorrow afternoon (I just know I'm going to cry)


• Color my hair (since it's going to be a while before I can do it again)


• Arrange for moving a sofa from my house to the office


• Work on finding a pediatrician


• Order some Prowrap diaper covers and Snappis (for the cloth diapers, due for delivery next week)


• Get furniture moved back into baby's room from guest room


• Move boxes of my books into my office out of the hall


• Order new mattress for guest room bed so my mother won't hate me when she comes to stay and help out (it's a really crappy mattress that I bought when I was 23 and had no money)


• Tidy up around the house (including washing the kitchen floor)

And when I'm not keeping busy with all that I've got knitting and work to keep me busy.

36 week Belly Shot

Yes, I'm still growing. Baby feels like he's definately starting to run out of room in there. I can't believe how much he has grown since December when he was all small and flipping around. Now all he has room to do is kick his legs a bit and rotate side to side. I do feel him more down by my bladder now as well.



I've not been sleeping well at over for the past 2.5 weeks. I wake up at 5am almost every day. Sometimes I have a hard time going to sleep, sometimes I just have a hard time sleeping for longer than 3 hours at a time. My last day in the office will be tomorrow, after that I'll work some from home but mostly rest and take care of my remaining to-dos, like trying to get a pediatrician, something I haven't had time to do.

We've been busy at work on the nursery and house today. Things are still a mess from the work that we've been doing, and I'm not going to be able to do much more, yet baby's going to be here possibly on Feb 8th, maybe sooner.

I've been shopping online at drugstore.com for various nursing and baby care items. Its easier on me to just have them delivered. I still haven't decided on an nursingwear, but I figure I'll just deal with that when I know how big my boobs are going to get and what not.

I'm also going through the baby clothes we have in the house and I'm going to be doing some laundry today to have the smallest outfits ready. I still can't believe we are going to have a baby. I've spent more time around puppies and kittens so I'm trying to prepare myself for that instead -- at least I can relate to it. My partner raised a rainbow lorikeet (a type of parrot) from a baby so he's thinking of leveraging some of that to get himself ready.

We're both getting more and more tired and grouchy. My hips hurt when I sleep at night so I have to roll back and forth all night long, and then get up a few times to go pee. It's not very restful. Oh, and the past couple of weeks its gotten harder to walk when I do get up in the middle of the night, my hips just feel all weird. What happened to my dancer-trained body? Will I ever get it back? It's so strange to feel these changes in my body.

I'm feeling better this morning. Overnight I was still uncomfortable but not contracting hardly at all.

I had a project launching for a client, a photoshoot, and some other deliverables due at work this week and I worked longer hours (just more like 8 hours a day instead of 6 that I've been trying to do). I also caught a cold from my partner that my body has been fighting. And then I think I just wasn't drinking enough water this week. I'm going to rest this weekend and drink a ton of water and hopefully that will get me sorted out.

I didn't like that experience at all. Baby seemed fine, though annoyed by the contractions.

At the end of the work day I started feeling really hot and this sensation like I'm gonna die (not really but occasionally I'lve just feel that way throughout the pg). I had just drank two pints of water, and I think I've been behind on my water intake overall. I started having contractions. Not just one but about 10 in an hour. Because I had gotten all hot and flushed feeling I knew that I was pushing myself too much. I had to wait a little while for my partner to finish up at work as he was in a team meeting but we came home and I drank more water and got in bed. I felt so lousy, sort of like period cramps and my body didn't easy settle down like it does. I did sleep for about an hour and a half easily then got up and ate dinner.

As I had a headache and still felt weird I decided to call the doc about it. The on-call doc called back and said probably it wasn't labor but I explained that I'm not supposed to go into labor. He was saying that typically they would deliver someone post myomectomy (fibroid surgery) at 37.5 weeks and do an amnio to check for lung maturity -- which is earlier than my doc and I have talked about and he hasn't even mentioned the amnio. At any rate, he said that I can see how I feel over night, and if I want just call back and I can go into triage at the hospital and they will take a look at me and the baby to see how we are doing. He said at where I am now (just finishing 35 weeks) they wouldn't try to stop labor if I started -- but then again, I'm not supposed to be in labor.

I got my partner to stay home tonight instead of going out. His friends are going to come over and hang out downstairs so I'm just going to knit in our attic (the other hangout spot in the house). I just didn't want to be left alone.

I'll let you know how I'm feeling -- either in the morning or overnight.

Here's what I do have:

* a bunch of baby undershirts and onesies;
* my first month's cloth diaper delivery scheduled and paid for,
* a basinette (in need of some sheets -- or else I'll just wrap the mattress in some flannel I bought)
* a bunch of handknit items.
* a car seat (Graco SnugRide) that's still not installed
* a fleece pouch
* a bunch of receiving blankets and a swaddler.

I'm counting on breastfeeding working out as I don't have any bottles or anything purchased on that end. I'll be in the hospital for 3-4 days after my c/s so I can use a hospital pump if I need to and we can arrange for whatever as we need to from there - right?

My partner is freaking about my mother coming for a few weeks around and after the delivery. Between my parents and his mother we'll have visitors for a month. I feel okay about having my mother there. I think she will be helpful, we don't always agree on things but she's not overbearing and she will make sure I eat and sleep. Having been through 2 m/cs and abdominal surgery with my partner, I can't say the same for him. I love him dearly but I want to make sure that I'm being looked after so I'm not totally stressed out in the early weeks.

I put a call into my OB's office earlier but he was out today so no word yet on when my c-section will be.

I'm up in the middle of the night. I was tossing and turning, my hips were aching and I was sweating. My body's been fighting a cold that my partner caught. He's had it worse than I thankfully, but like when I've caught other colds over the past 5 months, my joints in my legs just ache and ache.

I'm starting to get nervous about the baby coming. I don't know when my c/s will be but it's less than 3 weeks away. I worry that I don't have enough "stuff" that I will need when he comes and that I won't be easily be able to go get it. My mother's so excited about coming to help out, but my partner is freaking out that she will be here for a few weeks. I went through my abdominal surgery and the 2 m/cs with him though and I know that I'll get better care if my parents are around -- they will cook and make sure that I have everything I need. (remember how my partner had band practice even when I was in m/c labor at home ) He's a really awesome guy, but I recognize his limits. He's super excited about the baby coming and I know that they are going to have a great relationship -- but the early weeks are about ME (right?)

I've had two big BH contractions tonight, and one other when I got up before -- within a 2 hours period. Hopefully I just need to drink more water. They really don't want me to go into labor at all b/c my risk of uterine rupture is that much higher b/c of my fibroid surgery. It's weird to have gone through this whole pg with everything going pretty easy and then now in the final weeks to find myself in the high-risk group. It wasn't really a concern before now though, I just have to avoid labor.

I had my OB appt this morning. Finally the doc is starting to pay more attention to my risk of uterine rupture (due to prior uterine surgery to remove a large fibroid) so while I have the c/s scheduled for 2/15 they might move it up a week -- maybe more. He's going to consult with some other practioners to get their input and I directed him to speak with my RE who did the surgery who is located in the same building as he.

For some reason the prospect of the baby coming sooner is just making me feel stressed. My partner said its time for the kid to get out of there and for me to get my body back -- he says he doesn't like seeing me not be able to move around as easily.

I'm trying to take deep breaths, a little qi gong even, to try to calm me down.

Nursing/Breastfeeding Links

I'm still researching this topic but breastfeeding supplies and clothing are definately things I need to figure out before I need them -- at least some basics. Plus some of my online friends have been bugging me to share anything that I've come across about nursingwear -- so in order to appease my adoring public, here's what I know ;)

From reading discussions online it seems like:

• nursing pads are helpful, to protect you from advertising when you are leaking in public


• that breasts get larger when your milk comes in


• that bebe-au-lait style nursing covers aren't that well appreciated by baby after a while (they want to see what's going on)


• that you have to factor in for staining on any garments you wear with baby around


• underwires can contribute to conditions that invite mastitis


• that renting a hospital-grade breast pump can be worth it


• that pacifiers and bottles can cause some nipple confusion in the newborn and are best left until after breastfeeding is well established (if used at all)


• that breastfeeding after a c-section might be a slightly more challenging due to the interference of the meds but it might just require some alternate positioning


• that breastfeeding hurts many women in the early weeks but if you soldier on it will get easier (just watch out for proper latching to help prevent some of the pain cause)

You know me though, I've been bookmarking sites for the years it's taken me to get pregnant so of course I have a stash of breastfeeding links as well.

General Breastfeeding Links

How Does Milk Production Work -- learn about lactogenesis

KellyMom.com - well regarded breastfeeding information site

La Leche League Breastfeeding Links

Breastfeeding After a Cesarean

Frequently asked questions about Pregnancy and Nursing -- an page from a site that's all about cutting back on your sugar/refined carbs. It has some interesting points and ideas about balancing your blood sugar and beta-endrophin hormone level (I worry that I'm going to crash big time after delivery since I've been so much less moody during my pregnancy -- this page says that while I'm nursing this can continue though)

Nursing Wear

Motherwear

Nursing Bras Sizing Tips

Glamourmom -- breastfeeding tank tops

Milkface Nursingwear

One Hot Mama - Nursing & Maternity

Mother's Milk Boutique

Bella Materna -- nursing wear and maternity

Mommy Gear - Breastfeeding apparel and supplies

Bebe-au-Lait

Expressiva Nursingwear

Bravado! Designs -- nursingwear

Milkdudz -- Nursingwear

EvaLillian - maternity and nursing clothing

Miscellaneous Breastfeeding and Related Links

United States Breastfeeding Committee (USBC) - working collaboratively to protect, promote and support breastfeeding

An Investigation of the Factors Influencing Breastfeeding Patterns (PDF)- a dissertation by Alison Jacknowitz

Treatment of bovine mastitis with medicinal herbs and acupuncture -- when I search about mastitis (or even many fertility topics in general about ovulation induction, hormone levels, etc.) I often come across links related to animal husbandry -- there's an economic incentive for the research in this area (as opposed to for humans). I was looking for one about acu and mastitis and this was the best link I came across.

Normal Breasts Gallery -- a fascinating page of shots of the different shapes and sizes of women's breasts, including latating mothers and post-breastfeeding as well

And for pure entertainment value we bring you the Boob Stand video clip

Preparing the house for baby

Our whole house is in a state of upheaval. It started out with some books and clothes that needing to be donated to charity and haven't yet made it out of the house. Then it expanded to painting the baby's room which involved packing up my art studio into boxes lining the upstairs hallway. Then we ordered a new sofa with a sofa bed and my partner indulged in a new flatscreen TV so that he would want to hang out downstairs with the baby more when he arrives. That involves relocating a bunch of furniture around the house so right now the entire living room, which is two rooms together, is a wreck. I've got some of our baby things in the diningroom since the guest room is going to hold some more of the furnishings of the baby's room while we get the floor refinished this week. I also have to take down the Christmas tree but everything in the livingroom is in the way.

My partner decided that he needed to finish the trim in my office and then he will get started on building a new bookcase in there and we'll also relocate a cabinet from the livingroom. Everything is up in the air at the moment. I hope that by the end next weekend some of the insanity will be over and we'll have a lot more in order around the house.

33 Week OB Visit

I had an OB appointment this morning. Things are still looking good. I gained 4 pounds since my last visit but his assistant said a growth spurt was expected around now. That brings me up to about 30 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight but I feel like I'm doing okay.

They were pleased as always to hear that the baby was quite active. He's a very wiggly little guy and while it hurts more when he kicks and moves and stretches, its also comforting as he seems really healthy to me and my partner. His heartrate was at 155 for those of you who like stats.

I asked about who I call and what I do if I should go into labor and they said just call the office and let them know I had a myomectomy and I need to have a c-section. The office will call the hospital to let them know I'm on my way. Okay then, that's a plan. We talked more about the delivery date and after some discussion it was clear that he would like it to be a little earlier than February 15th, which is his due date of record based on that silly pregnancy wheel. As per Ovusoft and my own personal experience of a painful ovulation the cycle we conceived, my due date should be the 17th. Still the goal is to avoid labor and to have a safe surgical delivery, and my doctor is so not imposing so we are talking about doing it earlier that week, perhaps on the 12th.

Separately my partner as we were leaving the office expressed concern about my mother coming for the delivery and staying for a couple of weeks. I remember how after my myo how I had to cook for myself most of the time, and this time there will be an new infant to take care of as well. I'm feeling okay about having my mother around, he just wants to make sure he has time to bond with the baby on his own without my mother interfering. I told him I would speak with my mother and let her know that part of the plan with her staying is that she needs to allow us to have space as well. She's always on her computer and she knows people in the area so I don't think it's going to be too hard.

Driving to the office I started feeling a little weepy, I didn't but I just felt a little touched by things. Surgery, healing, the baby, my partner, my mother -- it feels a little overwelming. Plus the house is in a state of disarray as we reorganize to make way for our new roommate.

I often think of our neighbor's golden retriever who was a lovely dog. She whelped a little of puppies when she was young and took off after a few days after the birth and went missing for 4 days. They were frantic. Ultimately we found her but she had obviously just been overwelmed by things. Or my childhood cat who had her kittens in my doll carriage on top of some old baby blankets; I would put her in there but she never liked to stay. It was the perfect place to have her litter though.

I best get back to work.

Belly at 33 weeks

Finally I got my partner to take a photo of my belly again; it's been a few weeks. I'm feeling very full of baby now, I think he had a growth spurt, and when I look in the mirror I'm amazed at the size of my bump.

Did I tell you all that I'm scheduling the c/s for 2/15? We've decided. So unless baby decides to make an early entrance we have a finish line.

I put my name in for the diaper service and we're working on the nursery, trying to finish up the painting. I have an order of things coming from babycenter that should arrive tomorrow, my mother helped me pick out more layette items and sheets while she was here.

I don't have any breast feeding supplies of any kind yet, nor for diapering either. We also have to decide on the baby's crib and get that ordered. More shopping to do still yet.

Still Researching Infant Seats and Strollers

I bought the baby bargains book the other day and I've been comparing it to other reviews for strollers and the like online. Here are a few more places to look:

http://www.babycenter.com/
http://www.strollerqueen.com/
http://www.babychic101.com/
http://www.epinions.com/


We did decide to start with the infant seat, that appears to be the consensus, both online and off. I also just placed my order for a Kangaroo Korner fleece pouch so we can babywear and not just be lugging around an infant carrier.

Our friends got the Peg Perego with the infant seat. I'm still not sure, we need to go check them out in person I think. Weight is going to be a factor for whatever we get, I don't want to be lugging some heavy carrier or stroller if I can help it.

See my prior post about researching infant car seats

Edited to add the new Consumer Reports article about infant car seat safety. We decided to purchase the Graco SnugRide with EPS (whereas before we were leaning towards the Graco SafeSeat, a newer model) and it just arrived yesterday (1/12)

31 Week OB Appt

It's only been about a week and a half since the last appointment but with the holidays and my partner going out of town later this week this was the appointment we were able to get.

Blood pressure was low-normal -- which is normal for me
Baby's heart rate was 146
Fundal height was 32 -- it's slowed down since the fibroid has stabilized so says my OB. I was measuring ahead by 2-3 weeks there for a while.
Weight -- the same as last time, 163. The doc said it wasn't a big deal since we knew that the baby was growing appropriately from the ultrasound.

He asked if the baby moved a lot and we said yes. He asked how I was doing and I told him not so great right now. My stomach has been upset since last night, I don't think I caught anything, just the foods I was eating weren't sitting right with me. I think it was the veggie chili and the oatmeal actually, on top of the pizza Sunday night. Pizza hasn't been agreeing with me at all, even before I got pregnant, but followed by all that soluble fiber and my compressed digestive tract and my body was all in fits about it. I stayed home today to help let it sort itself out.

He asked if I had any questions and I asked him about anesthesia agents used during cesarean delivery. I found an article that says that fentenal (sp?) can interfere with breastfeeding in epidurals. I looked up whether it was used for c-sections and found that it wasn't as commonly used. The doc said they haven't seen any issues with it in their patients but that it isn't used for a spinal block which is what I will have. He also said that fentenal can make you feel really itchy.

Researching Infant Car Seats

There are a million models of car seats out there and I had rather skimmed than researched so I finally roped my partner into helping me pick out a car seat for our baby due in February.

There are several different models, some more appropriate than others for newborns/infants. The different types are:

Rear-facing
Forward-facing
Convertible

Experts suggest using a rear-facing seat for as long as possible, and it seems that some States require their use for babies under certain size limits. Convertible seats will switch from rear-facing to forward facing so that can extend their use.

Some convertible car seat models claim to work from 5lbs on up, with the straps adjusting to different positions but in discussions I have seen online it seems these don't fit small babies as well.

The other option, which is very popular and I'm sure you have seen them, are infant car seats. These models usually feature a base piece into which locks the infant carrier. The carrier can be removed and taken with you to help limit disrupting your sleeping baby. The problem with infant car seats is that babies can grow out of them quickly, either height-wise or weight-wise, and then you have to get them into a convertible seat anyway.

Recent studies have shown that keeping your baby in the infant car seat for longer than the trip length itself could result in the infant being shifted into a position that could compromise their air flow. So, in spite of it being a popular thing to do, porting your baby around in the car seat actually could be injurious.

From our early research it looks like you can get infant car seats for $130 or less. The convertible car seats seem to be running in the range of $300 or so, at least of the models we were looking at based on online reviews from several web sites.

It seems as though you should get a couple years use out of a car seat before having to graduate to a child's booster car seat -- which are required if your child weighs less than 49 pounds.

Here are some links:

CarSeatSite.com -- Which Seat is Best for My Child?

BabyUniverse: Car Seat Buying Guide

Epinions.com - Car Seat Reviews

Improper car seat use can be deadly - 12/13/06

Baby at almost 30 weeks

I had my u/s friday morning and everything looks really good. They estimate he weighs 3lbs. 11oz. already. The u/s tech kept commenting on what a good baby he was, letting her get all her images and angles. He gave a few good kicks while she had the wand on my belly and she commented on how strong he was. They probably say that to everyone but who doesn't want to hear it about their own baby.

Here he is in profile and isn't his nose that much bigger than at 18 weeks:




We ate lunch and then I had my OB appt. I'm up 2lbs from my last visit to 163. He said everything looked good. I made sure he knew exactly where the fibroid had moved to since I made the u/s tech show me. It's out of my pelvis now so it shouldn't interfere with delivery at all. My partner and I asked him a bunch of questions about the delivery -- from when to schedule it (anytime after Feb 8th), to if we could lower the drape during the delivery part (yes), to could my sister (a doula) could attend, to how long I would stay in the hospital (3-4 days), to whether my partner could stay with me (yes, all private rooms with cots), and how soon after I could hang with (as soon as they checked him out in the room) or feed the baby (in recovery).

I stopped by my RE's office after my appt and saw a couple of the support staff who have worked with me before through both of my m/cs and beyond. They both asked me "did we do that?" when they saw my belly but I assured them that we did it ourselves. The scheduler, Debbie, was excited for us and I told her about how I did acupuncture treatment focused on treating my fibroid and stopped trying for a few months last Spring and that when we tried again we got this sticky baby boy. She was going to tell my RE, the one who did my fibroid surgery -- she said they like to know what happens with their different patients. Ultimately they did contribute to the success since they helped me through my two m/cs and the fibroid surgery. I promised to bring him in in the Spring so they could meet him.

Fighting a cold

My partner's been fighting something for days and now I think I'm getting it as well. It seems like just a cold right now, a little sneezing and fatigue. I was so tired that I wanted to lay down at work around 3pm but I pushed on until 5:30 pm and then headed out. I came home and crashed out asleep in bed for two hours -- yes I was hungry but I was more tired than hungry so I opted to sleep first.

When I woke up I felt so crappy but I needed to eat something. My partner's out of town so I was on my own and feeling completely unmotivated to cook. I opted to open a can of sardines and have that with a carrot and some crackers. Nice. Actually sardines have calcium and iron so they are a good thing to eat, and being smaller fish they have less build up of heavy metals such as mercury compared with tuna. For dessert, since I was still hungry I warmed up some peaches that I froze in September in slices -- good for folic acid. Not the most gourmet of meals but well rounded at least.

Time for me to get back in bed now though.

Belly at the Beach

Here's my latest belly shot taken in Venice, CA over Thanksgiving at 28w2d.

Preparing for Baby Lists

Sorry I've been neglecting you. Between travel to LA for Thanksgiving to trying to keep up with work and the demands of my body (naps, eating, rest) I haven't had too much time for blogging. I have been thinking of you though and of ideas for new posts. This is one that I thought would be helpful for many folks planning for their first babies. I've found lots of lists for what you need to prepare for baby and I figured that if I compiled them and compared to how I want to care for my baby I should have a decent shopping list -- or at least an idea of what I'm up against as I've hardly done any shopping so far.

Baby and Mom Gear from BabyCenter.com -- a page with links to multiple lists

Shopping for the First Few Weeks -- this is more household shopping

Layette Needs

New baby basics from Consumer Reports

Baby Shopping List from womenshealth.gov

The Ultimate Baby Layette Checklist

Baby Layette List

Layette Necessities

Layette

Nursery Checklist

Diaper Changing Essentials

Breast and Bottle Feeding Needs

Perineal Massage

Or how to prepare your hooha for pushing a baby into the world. Something that I'm not going to experience first hand.

Evidently with some extra attention you can help prepare yourself manually for some of the stretching that is going to have to happen during a vaginal delivery.

http://www.umich.edu/~umperl/massage.htm
http://www.childbirth.org/articles/massage.html
http://pregnancy.about.com/cs/episiotomy/a/perimassage.htm

http://www.maternitycenter.com/articles/episio2.html

Braxton Hicks Contractions

I had a few Braxton Hicks contractions Wednesday eveing. It was after 10pm and I was trying to get my partner to head home after hanging with some friends downtown for dinner. I think my body just had enough, and I think that sugar drink for the Glucose Toleranced Test dehydrated me. No pain or anything just a constrained, tight feeling about 5 times as I walked back to our car. Disconcerting though to say the least.

It was funny because my OB asked me at my appointment if I had started having any and I really don't think I had. Then again this morning, lying in bed about to get up I had another one. I guess my body is ready to start exercising the woomba now. I'm at 27 weeks today, one more week and I'm into the third trimester.

Glucose Screening and Anemia Blood Test Results

I just heard back from my doc's office. I passed the GTT perfectly (yeah!) but my hemeglobin is low (31.7) and my ferritin is way low (7!). I've got to bump up my iron supplementation, I haven't been as religious as I should be about taking it. I do eat iron rich foods but my body isn't great at absorbing it.

The nurse suggested taking Slow FE so I'll give that a shot. If not we'll just keep on working on it.

26 week OB Appt

Nothing desperately exciting, just a blood draw for my glucose tolerance screening and to check for anemia. I should have the results in the next couple of days. Here are my stats:

Weight -- I gained another 3-4 lbs in the past month, up about 24 overall.
Fundal Height -- measuring at 29, factored largely to fibroid
Baby's Heart Rate -- ranged from 155-160 bpm and he was active after all that glucola/sugar drink for the GTT.

I also brought up some questions about delivery today with my OB, just about hemorrhaging during the c-section and afterwards and making sure he knew that I'm fully aware of interventional radiology and how it can help and that I really don't want a hysterectomy. He understood what I was saying and agreed that while they have a range of meds that can help control bleeding, that they would consider IR prior to hyst should that situation come up. He says unfortunately it does still happen from time to time (not specific to fibroids).

My next appointment is in 3 weeks and I'll have an ultrasound then as well to check on the baby's growth versus the fibroid. AFter that we move into appts every 2 weeks through the 3rd week in January and then every week if everything continues as it should.

Ack! The Dentist

I had my 6 month dentist appointment this morning. I only got to see the hygienist as my body started to lose it as the cleaning and curretage progressed. First things felt like they were getting dark, then I felt like I was getting nauseous, then I felt like I was going to pass out and throw up and I had to sit up twice to try to settle my body down. Finally I said that my body had enough and that was it, so I didn't even get to see my dentist. It was rather upsetting -- though my teeth and gums look great she said. I even got teary about it, and would have cried if I had let myself.

My acupuncturist's office is down the hall so I went there for a while to sit in their reception. I checked in with one of the acus I see and asked her about the blood sugar/adrenaline sensativity that I've been feeling (a little stress and I feel sick for hours, plus that's what's been waking me up at night). She said that it sounded like my kidney energy was needing adjusting so I set up a couple appointments and hopefully that will help make a difference.

Then I bought a hot chocolate on my way to the office, figuring the sugar/chocolate plus the comfort factor would make me feel better.

Belly at 25 weeks

Here's the latest and greatest. I'm starting to feel pretty big and having to use some moisturizer on my belly as the skin definately feels stretched out now.



And my belly button? It's been turned inside out for the most part and it's about one quarter the size it normally is. I still count as an inny but who knows what's going to happen to it in the long run.

Just over three months to go now.

snippets from my online posts

(over the past two weeks)

I didn't tell you that I hung out with my sis on Sunday for lunch and a little shopping. When I drove over to pick her up she got in the car, pushed aside my coat, pulled up my sweater and t-shirt to expose my belly and said "hi baby!" She's very excited. She said with her doctoral research she's been around lots of pregnant women but it's different when it's family.

...

My body has decided [last] week that it won't sleep straight for more than 6 hours so I go to bed and wake up in the middle of the night and then I'm up for hours before I'm able to go back to bed. Makes for an interesting work day as I'm a bit tired out by late afternoon as it is.

...

I can't believe I'm almost 6 months now I don't feel that big but when I look at myself in the mirror I'm amazed. Let's see what else... we bought a new car on Thursday night after work. We got a Toyota Prius and it's really quite cool. It starts with the push of a button! I spent today tidying up my old car so I can sell it.

Not too much baby things going on here. Just cooking, eating, resting -- but I did do some stretching, push-ups and leg lifts this morning (dance warm-up). Yesterday I made chicken soup and banana bread in the morning and then garlic herb breadcrumb topped snapper with mashed potatoes and black kale for dinner. This kid is eating well.

I swear I need some more pg jeans though and a new bra. My belly has gotten so big that it is pushing the demi band down all the time on my Gap jeans. My bra is just getting a bit tight all over, not sure if I need to go up a cup or a band or both

Oh, and we bought our plane tickets for Thanksgiving. Flights weren't giving us much in the way of aisle seats so we splurged and bought first class. It's the only time I've bought first class (I did manage to get bumped to business class once though) but I told my partner, if ever there were a time to get first class it was now. And, the tickets are fully refundable too, just in case.

...

My partner put his ear to my belly the other night to see if he could hear anything and the baby kicked him in the side of the head We both started laughing. My partner has spent more time with his hands on my belly feeling the baby move, while we watch TV or read in bed. He even noticed this morning when the baby was sleeping as there were no wiggles. I like that he's got a little bit more of a relationship going on with the baby now. He went out with his buddy and they were talking baby stuff the other night, and then talked with our massage therapist and one of his clients about the baby -- they were asking. He said it was the most he had talked about the kid out of the blue so far.

His brother's having his 40th birthday this weekend and so I have to contend with my SIL and MIL. Thankfully there will be others around to help soften the tension. I'm still not feeling very open with my SIL at all and she's not even talking to me either. I'm left feeling like if she wanted to be nice to me she just could have done, but by attacking me she showed her complete and total lack of understanding of where I'm coming from and what I've been through. I feel she owes me an apology at the least. I'm so not into confrontation that its not funny. I imagine (and probably rightly so) that my SIL is spending all today bitching about me to my MIL. Fun, fun, fun.

I also found out last week that one of our former employees, someone who worked with us for 5 years and was generously compensated, continues to talk sh*t about me and my m/c. She only knows of the one as well. What a heartless person, all I can think of is that since she's never going to have children that she really can't fathom what I've been through. Still, her mother died of cancer about 10 years ago so it's surprising that she learned such little compassion about other people's grieving experiences. I only hope that her badmouthing me and my misfortune reflects badly on her in other people's eyes.

Go figure that pg loss can have such a lasting impact in so many ways on so many relationships.

...

I know that feeling as well. My losses were discovered so early that the really scary "is this going to fail for me again right now" passed sort of quickly. Still, the wavering of symptoms is really common, particularly around 8/10 weeks as the placenta starts to take over more from your ovaries/corpus luteum. I'd go from feeling absolutely lousy for a few days to feeling okay for a few days -- which would just make me worry. Also, each OB appt would bring the prospect of bad news so I would start to get anxious before each one that some pronouncement about the health of the baby would come crashing down on me. But it didn't. All I got was good news, good test results, things growing right on track.

Try making a list of all the positive signs of your baby's vitality and your body's comittement to the process. HCG levels, heartbeat showing up on time, dates measuring on time, baby measuring perfectly on size. Your nausea, increased metabolism, fatigue, food cravings/aversions, little ovarian twinges, breast pain, let them help provide you with a little confidence that things are proceeding as best as they can. One day at a time. And look how far you have made it already.

...

For some reason as I was falling asleep last night I was starting to freak out about the glucose tolerance test. I'm not tolerating glucose well right now at all so the thought of drinking some sugar syrup and making myself feel all woozy doesn't sound like fun at all. Do you think that the fact that I'm having blood sugar issues (crashing levels and feeling woozy) is a bad sign or is it common in pg?

---

I did bring up the jelly beans alternative with my OB but he resisted. I could push for it if I want to. He said we could do the test later in the day which should help, so not total fasting. I can eat breakfast but have to hold off on simple carbs, juices and sugary fruit. I have to drink the stuff about 45 minutes before I go in for the blood draw and I can have something to eat right after. I just don't like that much sweet stuff, particularly after cutting back on it over the past 5 years due to the advice of my naturopath and acus.

Did I mention that I passed the 24 week mark yesterday? Only 16 weeks to go. Let's see, so if there are 4 weeks in a month then 24 weeks equals 6 months and 16 weeks is divided by 4 into 4 months then that equals 10 months -- don't you just love pg math.

Pregnancy Dreams #1

Last night I dreamt that I had another abdominal surgery. I woke up from the blackness and it was days later. I saw the incision. I removed a mask from my face that was giving me oxygen and there was a scab on my nose as if they had scraped it putting the mask on me -- but enough days had passed that it was starting to peel. I kept thinking how much longer it took this time as I was only in the hospital from Friday afternoon until Sunday afternoon when I had my myo two years ago. It seemed like 4-1/2 days this time in my dream.

Last week I had a dream that I was looking at my breast and milk started coming out. Just a little but it was sort of interesting to me in my dream.

Weeks ago I had a dream that we got a new baby kitten.

Growing

I had my OB appointment this morning and we talked about a bunch of stuff. First thing though are my stats:

I'm up about 20 lbs in weight so far
My fundal height is measuring 25. It should be measuring 22 but we chalked the difference up to the fibroid.
The baby's heart rate was 146 and sounded like a tom-tom drum more now.

I mentioned my roster of new symptoms from the past week -- puffy ankles, dizziness, fibroid pain, leg cramps. He said cross country flying was hard for just about all pregnant women so that factored a good bit. The dizziness he agreed was just keeping up my water consumption and also if I feel a bit of a crash an hour after lunch to just eat a little more then to keep my sugar levels ups. He though the leg cramps was more likely due to lactic acid build up but I'm still thinking its the calcium supplement that is helping and he didn't have a problem with that.

So my fibroid... he said it should be moving out of my pelvis based on where it was located in the ultrasound, but it's not yet. It still might as things continue to grow -- other women with fibroids have noted changes like that over time in their pregnancies I've seen from the various message boards I follow. Since it is causing me some irritation he said that we do need to keep an eye on it and to make sure that it isn't triggering pre-term labor. Just as I thought, though so far it's just been focalized pain.

He said by our next appointment we should know which way my fibroid is going to go and whether or not it is going to cause problems. We talked a bit about fibroid degeneration, which I've learned a fair bit from on the uterinefibroids discussion group over the past four years. He said if ibuprofen doesn't help then we could try stronger pain relievers though I assured him that the pain wasn't that bad yet.

He said the fibroid isn't in the greatest position but that it shouldn't cause any issue during my c-section he doesn't think. He said we will want to monitor it more as we get closer to delivery, having another ultrasound at 32 weeks or so. He said it might interfere some with monitoring the baby's growth, I'm thinking that's because it is making my uterus larger. I asked him if as the baby grows if it might cause me more discomfort and he said it was likely.

I asked about travelling at Thanksgiving to Los Angeles to be with my partner's family and he said it should be okay, provided my fibroid isn't causing me more problems (cramping, pre-term labor). I talked to my partner about it, that we might book refundable fares and also call the airline ahead of time to get a seat that was well positioned -- aisle seat, near toilet, with leg room.

My next appointment they will check for anemia and I also have to do the glucose tolerance test with the nasty Glucola stuff.

I came back to work and was feeling a little sensitive about things but writing down what we learned here in my blog, and sharing it with you all, it makes me feel a little less isolated. Having the fibroid isn't a fun thing at all but at the end of the day we do have a baby on the way and my body is doing pretty well -- once I just figure out the minor dietary adjustments to keep it happy in this next phase of pregnancy.

Belly at almost 22 weeks

I feel like I've grown a lot over the past couple of weeks and my partner could tell as well when he saw me when I got back from New York. Between him travelling for work and my travelling to visit family and friends back East we didn't get to see each other for a week and a half.

I'm now feeling wiggles up on my sides now occasionally, a couple inches below my rib cage but the baby is also getting a lot bigger because oftentimes I can feel him wiggling up above my belly button and down low by my hips at the same time. He fairly predictably wakes up a minute or so after I do in the mornings, likes to dance after I eat meals and then around 6pm and 9pm he gets pretty active for a while. During the rest of the day I get a fair amount of movement as well. He doesn't wake me up at night, rather I wake him up when I have to go pee.

My partner spent a good 15 minutes last night hanging out with the baby wrigglng under his hand last night. That was nice.

I'm finally just about recovered from 3+ weeks of cold and flu. Everyone at the office got sick and my body was having a hard time fighting it. Even while I was travelling last weekend I was feeling run down. Gradually I'm feeling more and more like myself though. Thank goodness.

Feeling Dizzy

Yesterday as I went for lunch I started to feel a teeny bit light-headed. I ate my lunch in a park and felt okay but after that when I started walking back to work I started feeling more dizzy and weak so I went and sat somewhere for a good 15-20 minutes reading a paper until I felt I could make it back to work. At the office though I continued to feel weak and dizzy so I laid down in our conference room with the door closed and drank some water. I dozed for a little while and I was in there for a good 45 minutes until I felt well enough to return to my desk. Then I was feeling upset and lonely and wanted my partner here but he's in Spokane again until tonight (I haven't seen him since last Tuesday evening).

I called into my OB as I had felt a little dizzy in New York as well, plus I had been having a little ankle swelling. The nurse called me back and said it was most likely related to my recent travel and being out of my routine and suggested that I should drink more water and not do any aerobic exercise for a while. She said since it hadn't been a full day since I had been back that I should just see if I feel better over the next few days. My next OB appt is next Wed. but she said to come in sooner to have my blood pressure checked if I wasn't feeling better. She also said it is possible that demands on my blood volume might be increasing right now and that drinking more water would help with that.

I had to stay at work for a good while longer as I drove to work yesterday and I wanted to make sure I was okay driving home. At home I made sure to drink water and rest on the couch and then I made dinner and camped out on the couch some more. I went to bed at 9pm and by this morning my ankles swelling had gone down and I'm feeling okay.

It just made me feel so vulnerable and alone. I just want to see my partner -- and to have him understand how much things are really starting to change for me physically. He's been working too much all year long though (like 10-14 hour days) and weekends and I'm really feeling like I want him to be there for me more now.

I told him I wasn't sure if I wanted to fly to L.A. for thanksgiving after all that with my body. He has this thing though where he wants to pretend that everything is fine and normal -- but heck, I don't feel normal. I just don't know what to do about thanksgiving now though.

The kiddo is doing fine though. He's wiggling around right now.

Pregnancy Update - 21.5 Weeks

My pregnancy nose is a bit picky right now and when I got home all the little smells were getting to me. It makes me want to clean the house and do all the laundry right away.

Let's see what else, my nipples are really huge and dark now, the changes have been going on for a while but man is is really noticible now. Also I've been having more heartburn. It's a combination of my stomach not emptying very quickly and also things getting squished. I looked up where I'm supposed to be at fundal height wise in Pregnancy Week by Week this morning and I'm a few weeks ahead of where they say I should be. I'm feeling wiggles up high, almost 2 inches above my belly button (which is starting to get shallower and shallower).

I feel the baby regularly now, he's getting so strong. Sometimes it weirds me out but mostly I like the reassurance of feeling the movements, wiggles and kicks. I feel him down on the left, in the middle, on the upper right and left and behind my navel. I don't feel him in the lower right -- that's where I feel my fibroid so he hasn't got room to play over there.

Oh, and I got a really nice card from my friend Deborah, my fibroid sister. We sent each other care packages when we had our surgeries two years ago. She's got a baby girl now. Another friend of mine from the online world, Marina, sent me a box of baby goodies that was waiting for me when I got home last night. I haven't had a chance to check it out yet though.

Flying with Swollen Ankles

This week brings the lovely new symptom of puffy ankles. They aren't the worst I've had in my life, my feet don't feel numb for instance but it still makes me wonder what's up. Probably just too much sodium in my parent diet.

I flew back from New York last night on a non-stop flight. Jet Blue was awesome and they got me an aisle seat in row 2 after I told them I was pregnant ahead of time by phone. I tried to get up at least once an hour to stretch and pee so it was great to have the aisle seat. I fell asleep for about an hour or so and woke up with my ankles feeling more swollen so I did more flexing and stretching to try to get the fluid moving.

Flying wasn't that much fun really. I've got to fly at Thanksgiving and then I think that's it. Sitting up is okay for the heartburn but not fun for the ankles and bladder.

Yeah so

I went maternity shopping a bit while I've been in NY. I went to one shop that carried exclusively the Maternite brands -- Pea in the Pod, Motherhood and Mimi -- with my mother and we were both shocked at the poor quality of the material, the prices and for me, also that everything was manufactured in the poorest areas of the world such as Bangladesh. I bought one sweater on sale and left it at that. On Saturday I went into NYC and found some things at H&M, they have their own maternity line called MaMa and I bought a few tops, a sweater and a skirt.

Yesterday I went to visit my friend and her twin boys in my hometown. The boys are 2-1/2 now and they are very cute. One of them was very interested in the fact that there was baby in my belly and he patted it a couple times. I told him that the next time I came I would have a little baby with me and would he like to play with the baby and he answered seriously and slowly "Yes." He said he likes babies. It was cute.

My other and I couldn't swing getting together but mostly because I'm still so run down from fighting my cold/flu virus. I took a 2-hour nap on Saturday and Sunday because I felt so achy and tired. I hope that I pull through it in the next week or so. I am gradually feeling a little better so you should know. Dang though the achy joints.

My mother dug out a little sweater she knit for my brother when he was an infant and also a little quilt my great-aunt gave me when I was a baby. That's pretty nice to bring home with me.

I can't believe I'm past the halfway point already. This is going by pretty fast now and I'm not ready at all. Work is still up in the air, I need to clean out my studio to make way for baby, and who knows what else. I think I'm just tired and a bit stressed out. I had to reschedule my flight home until tomorrow evening and it's putting a kink in my day tomorrow that I didn't need.

Baby Wearing - Slings, Pouches and Wraps

I'm pretty keen on the idea of baby-wearing. I worry about carrying too much weight as I've had whiplash twice and my neck and back can be a little persnickety though. Still, at least with a little baby it will make sense for a while. My partner seems cool with the idea as well. I've been looking at strollers but pushing around a stroller isn't my idea of a good time. I'm thinking we'll do a lot of baby wearing in the beginning and then migrate to a stroller as needed.

WearYourBaby.com (aka MamaToto.org) - an informational site that covers the broad range of baby wearing devices and technique

TheBabyWearer -- babywearing information

Kangaroo Korner -- adjustable fleece and cotton pouches and more

HotSlings

Moby Wrap

KarmaBaby

Rockin' Baby Slings

Maya Wrap - baby slings and carriers

The Ergo Baby Carrier

ZoloWear - baby slings, pouches and carriers

Wise Woman Sling

Wallababy

Little Star Baby Slings

What's a Castor Oil Pack?

A castor oil pack is a piece of cloth soaked in castor oil that you heat up and place on your belly then cover it with a piece of plastic and then put a heating pad or hot water bottle on top of that. You usually do it for 15-20 minutes once a day, at night before bed most typically. It is supposed to improve blood circulation and increase the white blood cell count locally.

What it definately will do is get you to slow down and relax. Disadvantages are that you end up with an oily belly right before bed and heating it up if you don't have a microwave (which I don't) can be a pain.

My naturopath had me do castor oil packs for a while. I found them to be a pain and they didn't seem to change anything -- my fibroid didn't get smaller, my cycles didn't get more normal, my basel temps stayed where they were -- I'm skeptical.

The book Sex, Lies and the Truth About Uterine Fibroids mentions castor oil packs, and that there aren't any studies showing that they work. There are studies showing they increase white blood cells in the skin area that is treated but nothing more than that. Evidently it is a traditional treatment used in many cultures.

My acu asked me to do them this Spring and I wasn't into it -- I just would use my hot water bottle to apply heat directly to my lower abdomen to keep the blood flow active in the area and left it at that.

Sick

I started feeling bad two weeks ago with the sniffles and then a little cold. I wavered off and on over the past couple weeks, first missing work a week ago on Friday. This past week I woke up and went to work on Wednesday and was so tired I wanted to go home and get back in bed. Within the hour I got a call though from my sister's boyfriend that she had been struck by a minivan while crossing the street so instead I just left work crying due to the anxiety of her condition -- she hit her head -- and probably mixed in a little with pg hormones and coming down with something.

She's doing okay, but she was seriously roughed up with big scrapes on her arm, a broken finger and a huge lump and abrasion on her head. Drive carefully folks and always keep an eye out for pedestrians -- and if you are in the habit of talking on your mobile phone while driving DON'T. Pull over to talk if you must but your attention span really isn't great enough to make 60 decisions a minute while driving while talking to whomever on the phone.

Wednesday night I was starting to feel so achy and Thursday morning I didn't feel better, and felt largely worse so I stayed home all day. I had to work all day though, but I did manage to get an hour nap in the afternoon. Thursday night I was aching so badly I had to get up for a couple hours, then went back to bed. Friday I was still worse and so I worked from home again, with aching in all my joints -- but hardly a stuffy nose. I wasn't able to get a nap but I did go to bed early.

Yesterday and today I've just been sleeping, camped out on the couch or eating. I've been in PJs for 4 days and I still don't feel like getting dressed.

The one benefit is that I haven't seen my mother-in-law or sister-in-law but hell if the flu isn't a good excuse. I leave in a few days for New York to see family and friends one more time before baby comes so I hope I'm all cured by then.

Diaper Bags

Patemm

Skip Hop

Bumblebags

Fleurville

Lexie Barnes

Petunia Pickle Bottom

Storksak

Beca Bags

Dad Gear

About Uterine Polyps

A new buddy of mine online just posted that she was diagnosed with a polyp. Here's what I shared with her:

Fibroids and polyps can change the microenvironment in your uterus by irritating the lining and causing a reaction akin to what an IUD does I believe. You end up with your body reacting to the "foreign" object but at the same time it's so hyper active from an immune standpoint that it disallows implantation. (some of this is sort of subjective on my part but I've read a lot about implantation, fibroid, etc.)

Do you like your ob/gyn? Don't they have a backup? If you are really feeling put off then maybe try finding help elsewhere -- though here in Seattle getting in to see an ob/gyn as a new patient takes 2 months plus.

Here are some links for you:



Emerging endometrial polyp during controlled ovarian
stimulation affects IVF/ICSI outcome

Results: In the patients with endometrial polyps, no pregnancy was achieved. Clinical pregnancy rates and implantation rates of the second group were 28.35% (55/194) and 13.05%, respectively. Fifteen of the pregnant women (27.27%) experienced miscarriages. In some of the patients, hysteroscopy was performed for removal of the endometrial polyp. In part of them, after the polyp resection, spontaneous pregnancy occurred.
Conclusion: Our results reveal that endometrial polyp <10 mm, appearing during COS is a rare complication and it may have a negative influence on the IVF/ICSI outcome. In order to improve embryo implantation, we need to remove the above mentioned endometrial polyp. Abnormalities at the endometrial level and abnormal embryo–endometrial dialogue may be responsible for some cases of implantation failure. Endometrial polyp may be an impediment to embryo implantation because it acts as space occupying lesion and/or disturbs the expression of various endometrial products such as pinopodes, integrins and cytokines. It is not clear whether the expression of such factor as the endometrial polyp is the reason for implantation failure or is just a reflection of other abnormalities taking place in complex cascade of events.
From: ESHRE Meeting, June 2006 - Implantation

Surgery is usually recommended for polyps, for several reasons:
To try to improve fertility. Polyps may interfere with implantation of a fertilised egg in the lining of the womb, so they're often removed to try to improve the chances of conceiving.
From: Uterine Polyps

Leiomyomas and polyps are growing tumours and thus produce significant plasma glycodelin levels. Uterine glycodelin flushings are elevated in patients with both polyps and leiomyomas. Elevated glycodelin levels in the follicular and peri-ovulatory period may impair fertilization and implantation.
From: Glycodelin levels in uterine flushings and in plasma of patients with leiomyomas and polyps: implications for implantation.

Endometrial polyps appear to be organized overgrowths of the uterine endometrium, although the precise mechanisms leading to their development are not clearly defined. The endometrial lining of the uterine cavity grows in response to estrogen and is architecturally restructured in response to progesterone. If the response to estrogen is excessive, either in the presence of unopposed estrogen (such as during periods of anovulation) or whenever the bioactivity of the circulating estrogen is increased (such as with increased numbers of estrogen receptors or with decreased metabolism of estrogen) overgrowth of the endometrium may occur. If these overgrowths organize and develop their own blood supply then they become polyps.

The mere presence of polypoid overgrowths in the uterine cavity may (at least theoretically) interfere with implantation and fertility. I have envisioned polyps as acting sort of like IUDs in the cavity, creating a hostile environment for embryo implantation. I remove endometrial polyps in women with reproductive problems and these women (anecdotally) seem to do remarkably well in subsequent fertility efforts. A well designed research project describing fertility outcome after treatment for different types of endometrial polyps would be valuable.

Endometrial polyps are not always benign. I removed one normal appearing endometrial polyp hysteroscopically and this was found to contain an endometrial adenocarcinoma (cancer) on pathology report. Therefore, in the presence of any atypical overgrowth of tissue it is always important to think about the possibility of cancer
From: Miscarriages - Causes and Treatments

Cloth Diapering & Elimination Communication Links

I've been bookmarking diapering sites for a while and now that we have the baby on the way we're committed to not using disposables. I was a cloth diapered baby so it's nice I can ask my mother for background information on frequency of changes, quantity, etc. -- though things have changed a lot from the early 70's.

Cloth Diapering -- by Teachingmama
A well rounded site with links to other great diapering sites and resources.

Diaper Pages -- Karen's Cloth Diapering Site

Real Diaper Association

Diaper Pin - Cloth Diapers, Tip, Reviews and More

One Stop Diaper Shop -- sew your own

Kelly's Closet - Cloth diapers and accessories

Tiny Tush - Natural baby boutique

Katie's Kisses -- Cloth diapers and more

Full Moon Baby Gear -- Diapering and more

Kissaluvs

Fuzzibunz

Snappi -- diaper fasteners, covers and more

And if you are really wanting to get away from diapering there is always the Diaper Free angle:

DiaperFreeBaby -- information about elimination communication.

Sick and More about the Ultrasound

Ugh, I've been sick today. I was fighting this virus that was going around the office, not having too many symptoms really but then I overdid it this week and last night I came home aching all over. I've been aching since -- my knees, my elbows, my back. Only a little more post nasal drip -- my immune system behaves totally different when I'm pg. Normally I would get the full blown flu and be sick in bed for a week. I still need to baby myself equally as if I had the full blown thing. Hopefully this passes sooner though.

My partner's been so excited about the baby since our u/s on Tuesday. He's also just gotten a web-enabled phone and has been texting everyone and mostly about the baby. He's so relieved that the baby looked so right on the scan and he's starting to bond to the idea of a boy already. He said that was the first of many characteristics our child will have.

During the u/s the scanner moved across the face front-wise a couple of times and you could see his little face. It wasn't a 3-D u/s, I was more used to the profile shots you see and didn't know that you could see stuff like that with regular u/s. He says the baby is cute and you can tell already.

The other image that I was amazed by was being able to see the
umbilical cord connection. The scan managed to capture the swirl of the arteries and it looked fairly large. For some reason it just captivated me. Though it is in part the big connection between the kid and I.

Big Ultrasound

I had my big ultrasound today and the baby looked perfect and was moving all over. It was amazing for a little while but then after it went on and on as the technician took all these shots from multiple angles of all the body parts I wanted to cry as I was so ready for it to be over -- all that pressure on my sensitive belly.

We are really pleased though and it looks like we are going to have a little boy.


I had the technician check out my fibroid and its grown to be 5x8cm (!) but wasn't bugging the kiddo at all. It looked like there was another small fibroid up top. I'm waiting for the full ultrasound report -- it had to be reviewed by the radiologist and then my OB. Brother if there is but it was pretty small still.

My OB said we wouldn't remove the fibroid (big one) at delivery unless it was pedunculated which it is not. He did say that typically they grow a lot and then around mid-pregnancy the growth will taper off some, just like for the baby.

Info About Panic-Anxiety

I'm sorry to read that you aren't doing well. My partner had bad panic-anxiety and it took work but with work we were able to turn things around for him and he doesn't need meds.

Eat regular meals and snacks to help keep your blood sugar level up

Reduce stress, incorporate activities for exercise that you enjoy to help relieve stress more

Consider any nutritional deficiencies you might have. My partner was a vegetarian for years and even though he would eat the occassional piece of organic chicken or fish, he saw big improvements when we added in zinc, arginine and carnetine into his diet.

Arginine is known to help support the adrenals though how much is safe to take in pregnancy is questionable.



Also note that from a Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM)perspective, pregnancy uses a lot of the kidney energy. Particularly in early pregnancy as your body is making a lot of pretty monumental shifts. I noticed this in myself as I had lots of pains in my inner ankles and feet that were on my kidney channels. The symptoms you are having are also related to the kidney channel. I also found I couldn't sleep at night -- another symptom of your kidney energy being off. I continued seeing my acupuncturist throughout the first 10 weeks of my pregnancy and I thought it was a help for my symptoms, particularly for helping get rid of the throbbing pain in my ankles.

You might consider acupuncture treatment to see if it might help your body to adjust a little easier.

I've posted about natural treatments and lifestyle changes my partner made to deal with his panic/anxiety and it worked to the point that he didn't need to take meds any more.

Re: Panic attack/anxiety/ unbearable fear

Cut back on sugar, caffeine, simple carbs
Keep blood sugar levels up
Get regular exercise
Stay hydrated
Eat more protein
Lower stress levels -- reduce responsibilities, take mental breaks, don't take things so seriously...your health is more important
Try aromatherapy with lavendar and geranium
(there are herbs one can use -- Passion Flower, Kava, Valerian but I wouldn't use them in pg)
Go get a massage
Listen to music, go out with friends, smile, read, knit, paint, meditate

I also wanted to add that one of the things that helped was going to Barnes & Noble and looking up books in their health section about panic/anxiety. Amazon.com also has loads of books with reviews from people who have been able to help themselves with the information in these self-help books. We found tips for diet, exercise, attitude, aromatherapy and all together they helped.

You also might want to learn more about how your nervous system functions, particularly things that help trigger the parasympathetic nervous system which can help reduce your symptoms. Not many people understand the dynamic between the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system functions. I read recently that shifting the focus of your eyes to use the peripheral vision can help to get your parasympathetic kicked in.

http://www.stress-anxiety-depression.org/

I also wanted to add that this past week my body was freaking out and getting more and more stressed. I don't know what I was doing to trigger it but it wasn't getting better. Finally I made an appointment for a massage in the middle of the workday (thankfully there's a spa on the next block). I only got my lower legs and feet done -- a quickie massage -- but it helped me out soooooo much. Sometimes I think we just need to give our body a hand so don't rule out getting some massages as well.

And of course you could take meds, but I'm of the opinion and have seen it work first-hand, that trying to help deal with the underlying conditions is the best way to start.

Doctors aren't trained in treating conditions in this manner so they won't even suggest it (you could be living on potato chips for all they know or care). Even today the American medical student gets less than 30 hours total information on nutrition during their education and that's dispersed throughout their curriculum.

I did think of one other thing yesterday, I was watching a documentary a few months ago on cable about panic/anxiety and it mentioned that people who experience it are much more sensitive to carbon dioxide levels in their blood. As part of the panic/anxiety reaction causes you to breath less deeply you need to try to also counter this by slowing down and taking deep breaths and filling your lungs all the way.

I hope that you are able to get results soon.

When/how to tell employEEs that I'm pregnant

I'm pushing 18 weeks now and I haven't told anyone at work that I'm pregnant. I work mostly with men and they don't seem to notice, I dress carefully and I'm not showing so much yet.

My hang up is that I don't want to be treated differently. I'm okay being a pregnant woman outside of work but within the work context it just isn't something I want to make a big deal of.

I also have to factor in that this will create some lack of certainty possibly for my employees -- perceived or otherwise. I don't want to just have it be all about me and have them feel like I'm abandoning them.

My partner (also business partner) thinks I should just casually, when appropriate, mention that I will be taking a few months off starting in February. First though we are trying to staff up my replacements so I have time to train them. We are recruiting actively but it's hard to find qualified help who are a good fit.

When and how would you tell people you are pg if you are the boss?

I got up this morning and wrote a two page letter to my SIL, I figured I should at least get my thoughts down about things. I decided to share it with my partner as anything I do or share with his family he should have some input in I believe. He thought that it was too long and detailed and that I was oversharing. He also suggested that I should meet up with my SIL in person and give it to her then so we could talk about it. I just don't feel comfortable with that. For all of what I share of my feelings online I don't feel that safe sharing them IRL due to past rejections of careless friends and acquaintances.

I tried to explain to my partner how I felt that this wouldn't necessarily go away on its own, how there are wounds that I have and that having my SIL react to me in this way was even more alienating. He thinks it was her and that she was PMS-ing or something as she even snapped at our nephew last night, something she never does. He also felt like he was being attacked as when he offered that we do talk about our pregnancy with our friends his SIL answered "I consider us more than friends, we're family".

My partner thought that maybe he should first start by calling his mother and ask her what she thinks we should do. He won't likely be phased by this exchange and we'd also be able to figure out if she was contributing to this drama behind the scenes.

I've been crying more today than I have in a long while. It's like all the infertility and loss grief are right there and I don't know if I'm supposed to do something or not. Should I share my deepest feelings? What am I supposed to be doing in my pregnancy that I'm not when I never see my SIL anyway. I'm feeling upset and frustrated.

My lovely friend Christy (newly pregnant after two losses -- send her sticky thoughts) shared these article links with me this morning:

Pregnancy After Miscarriage
The Ups and Downs of Trying Again
By Roxanne Williams Snopek

Easing the Anxiety of Pregnancy After Miscarriage