Baby Steps

I bit the bullet today and scheduled an initial consult with my RE (the RE who did my surgery and helped me through 1-1/2 miscarriages). We're going to see if we can stick with her, recognizing her limitations but also the leverage we have with her and her staff.

I set up an initial consult with her since we never had one with her. I just ended up in her care after my previous RE left the clinic and trusted her with my surgery and that's where it was left off. I sort of feel like let's start over with all this and see where that gets us. Yes, I have lots of information and opinions but we also want to know her take.

I think I mentioned before, but the plan that was laid out for us by more then one RE was:

1. Have surgery to remove fibroid
2. After healing (3 months), try on our own for three cycles or so
3. If not pg then move onto Clomid/IUI for three cycles
4. If not pg then consider moving onto IVF (possibly with ICSI -- though with the SPA test his sperm performed really well so this shouldn't be an issue)

We were going to do a trial of Clomid/IUI in July '04 but then got pg and had the firsst m/c. Then we started TTC again after my surgery and retained tissue experience in Feb '05 only to get pg the third cycle and then lose that one as well. It's like we never get to go to the next step. Sharing it with you guys just reminds me of the feeling I had with each loss that maybe God was trying to tell me something -- it's so hard to know that though.

My appointment is scheduled for February 14th - Valentine's Day. I know that's a bit of a downer but at the same time it fits in really perfectly with my cycle -- so if we don't get pg this cycle (and chances are we won't based on our past lack of success) then AF is due right about then and there will be time to either get right into a Clomid cycle or do the HCG or both. There's a chance we might change the appt so to not ruin v-day but for now that's where it stands.

I also just set up a time to review my medical records so I can pick out the sections that I need for my files, which can supplements the ones I already have so I can transfer the files to my RE's new clinic.

One step at a time, right?

Should I be happy or sad?

Ah sh*t I'll just be cranky, the PMS is really doing me in this month. All the acu and herbs and diet changes and here I find myself back at square one. At least I know how to manage my stress better and I can fight my anemia a little better without the heavy periods. My breasts are killing me, I'm feeling uncharitable to say the least and I would love to just go home and sulk by myself for the rest of the day.

I also think I'm coming down with a cold -- I'm sneezing and mid-LP my immunity always plummets. My theory is that it has something to do either with the hormones or the anemia or perhaps both. Progesterone compromises your immunity slightly and then with my body devoting more blood resources to building up my endometrium this time of month maybe it just tweaks my anemia and my resistance slumps. Who knows.

I've found out in the past day that two of my fibroid sisters are pregnant now, both moving along okay so it seems. I coached both of them through the pre-myo stress and now they are going to have babies. Considering how many more women with fibroids I know online who aren't getting pregnant I should be celebrating the miracle. Me, I just feel a bit dejected. I think I would rather know that someone in a similar situation to mine was having success but still it bites a bit.

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Is anyone actually reading this blog? I get so few comments that it makes me feel like I'm a bad blogger or something. I appreciate the few of you who drop notes now and again. Thanks so much for your continued support.

Call back from the nurse

The RN asked me if the RE had planned on any more bloodwork since my recent panel came back normal except for ferritin being dead low.

She said there is a lot that can cause nightsweats but w/o having blood work to show what's going on it's hard to know what the deal is. I noticed as well in doing some searches and looking at my reproductive endocrinology textbook last night that estradiol levels in the late luteal phase is not really something that is covered a lot; it isn't interesting or something.

She mentioned that Clomid might be an option, that the goal was to get me to have a healthy egg and a healthy pregnancy. I totally agree. I told her that the only reason I'm being such a spaz about trying to figure out if there's something we've missed is that I really really really don't want to have another m/c; if I can do anything at all to help prevent it then I will.

I've only been able to try 4 cycles since my fibroid surgery, one of those cycle I got pg and the last one was my first try after my m/c so my stats aren't really that bad again...yet...

Honestly I'm on a much better course of health than I was when I started TTC. I don't have a large fibroid any more, I'm working on building my iron stores, I'm much more relaxed, I eat better and more regularly, I'm not spotting when I ovulate, I don't have BV. That's how I was when I started out. What a winnner eh?

I've had the night sweats for years, I remember them as early as when I first moved to Seattle when I was 23 so it's not a peri-menopausal thing for me.

I'm waiting for the NP to call me back now as my RE is in surgery today. I'll let you know if I find anything out. I'll also bring it up with my acu next Tuesday and find out what her perspective is.