Sleepy baby in the middle of the night

My little guy will initiate wanting to get changed/go potty in the
middle of the night. I'm happy enough to oblige but in the past couple of weeks I've ended up sitting on the toilet with my baby sleeping in my arms.

He punches in the air (and me sometimes in his sleep) plus wiggles
when he has to go -- and sometimes its just a timing issue, that it
might take him a while to get everything ready to go in his little
system. It is leading to one tired mama though.

Sometimes we just need permission
(to not be holding our sleeping infant on the potty LOL)

I feel bad today as he only got to do 2 pees on the potty today and I missed 3 poops that I think he would have rather done in the potty
instead. It was just an off day for mom unfortunately.

So, I think I mentioned that he's been saying "all gooo" or "all
doooo" when he's done on the potty since last meeting. Well, he likes saying it all the time now so we aren't sure when he's got a wet diaper or is just practicing, or is wanting us to pick him up. He even shouts "all doooo" at his toys now. He does use it for pottying too, but you can imagine how interesting it is for us.

Three and a half months

Jonah's crib arrived Thursday afternoon finally(!) We've been assembling it and have just the wheels to hammer in but the baby is sleeping in the chair so we're waiting to finish. I'm not sure how the crib will work into our routine but I will use it for naps during the day and start out some nights with him in it so he can get used to it. I was worried that the crib wasn't going to arrive until July as he hasn't ever had a chance to use his mobile (and they say to remove them around 5 months) Now we'll at least get some use from them.

We ended up with the Sorelle Rosa crib in Antique Black after shopping around some. I'm liking the look of the black; originally I had been thinking of dark brown but then my mother just about convinced me to do something more wood-y -- to match the other things in the room. Black looks just right to me though. Now I have to just get a mattress pad and some more sheets.

This week Jonah's been talking up a storm (who knows what he's saying most of the time), trying to scootch along on his belly, making faces (and teasing at that), sitting up supported more easily (yeah for head control) and gaining major hand control. This was him a couple of days ago playing with a toy, a toy that wouldn't interest him at all two weeks ago:

Solo Air Travel with a 3 Month Old

I just got back from our first trip back east and thought I would post about how it went travelling with an almost 3 month old baby.

Based on advice online, I booked the flight when baby was usually sleeping (for us that was overnight), and also a non-stop flight. JetBlue has a non-stop red-eye to NYC from Seattle that I've taken before and so I decided to stick with the known quantity. Since we left on a Wednesday and returned on a Monday our tickets each way were only $99 a piece. JetBlue has infant changing tables in all their aircraft restrooms which is a huge plus.

I opted to buy a seat for us each as I didn't want to have to hold the baby for 5 hours straight and I was also concerned about his safety during take-off/landing and if there was turbulence. Since the ticket was so inexpensive with the days of the week we travelled it was even easier to make this decision. I am glad I had his seat as he was able to sleep in his seat comfortably and when there was turbulence over the Dakotas, he was in the safest spot (when I had him out on the way back, which was not a red-eye, I popped him back in right away when we hit that rough air -- in my arms he did not feel safe to me).



Knowing that he would have his own seat, I saw from the boards that the car seat would have to be in a window seat. The Graco SnugRide (we did not bring the base) has a level on one side only -- if you want to use this on the plane you want to be on the left side of the plane in seat A.

I studied the car seat manual prior to my departure to make sure I was comfortable with how to use it without the base. Be sure to bring along the metal clip to use with a shoulder seat belt if you need it -- my father told me that their cars had lap belts in the center in the back and no they didn't so we had to go pick one up at a baby products store while I was there ($3)

I gate checked our stroller without any issues and I didn't have to wait to get it either, I was able to deplane with the rest of the passengers. According to the JetBlue site, even with a lap infant, you are allowed to bring a stroller, car seat and carry on for the baby.

In case you are interested, here was our routine at security in the airport...

• wheel up and get in line with baby in car seat in stroller


• put back pack and diaper bags into bins as they become available


• remove purse, coat and shoes


• remove car seat from stroller with baby in it and put on floor
  
• push your bins onto the conveyer belt


• fold up stroller and put on conveyer


• remove baby from car seat and put on conveyer

...
go through metal detector with baby in arms -- remember to keep your ticket on your person
...

• wait for car seat to come through and put baby in it on floor (out of the way of other passengers)


• put on coat, shoes and purse


• unfold stroller and snap in car seat with baby


• put on backpack


• stash diaper bag under stroller

and you are off to the gate!

On the flight to New York I had to pee badly and baby was asleep so I figured that I would just take him with and do a little change as it had been a while. I grabbed my purse, a diaper, the wipes, and some disposable changing liners and went to the toilet. First I peed with him on my lap then I hiked up my pants with one hand and pulled down the infant changing table, laying down disposable liners and then the baby (and then I fastened my pants).

I was in the middle of putting the new dipe on him and he had an explosive poo across his pj leg and the table that went dribbling down the side and hit the toilet paper roll beneath. The new dipe was still clean so I removed his pjs (thankful that I put an undershirt underneath), diapered him, and then proceeded to clean up the changing table and lavatory while I held him in my arms and tried not to bump his head on the wall.

I carried him back to the seat and he had peed again on the way there (darn it all, if we were at home he could have gone in the potty) and I changed him a second time in my lap in the seat -- we had the row to ourselves.

TIP -- do make sure you bring the diaper bag with you to the lavatory as you might need all of what it contains in the matter of minutes. Also, really do bring two changes of clothes for the baby, even if you keep one in your carry on for space considerations.

I was pretty wrecked from being behind on sleep even before the red-eye sleep deficit -- I only slept 2 hours, but baby slept pretty much the entire time -- so I was not feeling 100% but I did my best not to be grouchy. I took a nap every afternoon which was a big help.

EC Notes

I learned from our local diaper free baby group that it was helpful to have a signal for "done" which we
are now introducing with our baby. I also started using the toilet
sign for go potty and he's shaking his hand at us now, within hours
really, so that's cool.

For me it was easiest to start with the morning BM as he was really
obvious about needing to go. He's also pretty easy going in the
morning, and even overnight if he has to go, so bringing him to the
potty then has been the easiest time in the early weeks.

I've been sitting on the toilet backwards with the baby in my arms
and that's been working pretty well -- though we have an elongated
toilet upstairs which is much easier to sit on than a standard round
seat.

People also mentioned that through observing they could see that the
baby could pee every 20 minutes -- which if you are still using
diapers and being attentive to changes you notice as well sometimes.
This helped me realize that I could actually offer more regularly
and that might help us out.

I started out by just announcing his movements at diaper changes for
about 4 weeks -- "oh, you had a poo poo" or "did Jonah just go pee
pee?" so he was more aware of what was going on. I now can offer him
by asking him if he "wants to go poo poo in the potty" and he will
smile if he wants to try. I try to keep it very low pressure. My
little one is just 11 weeks now and we've been doing this in a low
key manner, building up our confidence, for about the past month. My
goal right now is to have it stay an enjoyable experience for him,
and to reduce the number of prefold cloth diapers (diaper service)
we are using each week as a measure of success.

Fibroids and Endometriosis?

In response to Deb's question about endometriosis testing on my post about infant potty training, no, I haven't specifically had tests for endo. But I did have two HSGs and have been opened up twice -- once for my myo and once for the c-section and nothing was mentioned -- not even on my medical records. Some of my other online fibroid sisters have had endo and fibroids though -- so it is a possibility. In the book The Infertility Cure both conditions are dealt with in the same chapter -- so similar can their causes be.

I've had painful ovulations before, the first one that I recall was back in 1996 when I was just about doubled over in pain at work -- a stressful computer start-up -- and I ended up going to the emergency room just to make sure I didn't have appendicitis. Wanna know where that pain was? The same location as my fibroid showed up years later. I had an ultrasound at the time and it came back clean. After all the acupuncture I've had done I think that partially the pain comes from some form of blood stagnation in that area -- and too much stress will divert the blood flow from your reproductive organs so it it possible that its all related.

Since my c-section I've occassionally felt a few jabs of pain in that area -- which is where Twyla, my new big fibroid is located. It's not too bad so I'm hopeful that she's not going to be an issue.

Lately I've thought, as people respond in surprise when my partner and I mention that we're planning on starting to TTC again later this year, that another factor besides it taking so long and the miscarriages, that also the fibroids I have are another consideration. One good thing for the moment now though is that breastfeeding suppresses estrogen production so it is possible that my fibroids will shrink substantially until my period shows up again. The reduction in estrogen also causes me to have dry skin, so dry I have hives on my upper arms, and it also dries out the girly bits so that sex is a bit uncomfortable. There's no winning.

Two Month Well Baby Visit

We had our 2 month ped appt this morning and Jonah is up over 15 lbs (phew that its not more than that) but it's still a doubling since our last appt at 2 weeks. He's measuring in the 90th percentile for head circ., 95th for length and above 95th for weight -- he was average all around at delivery.

We opted to do two shots today, polio as it is less reactive and HIB. The HIB shot really hurt him going in at the office but a few hours later he was screaming at home in pain and his thigh was all swollen. He's been crying since then, but mostly sleeping. I couldn't help cry when I saw him hurting so -- it really was awful. We've trained Jonah by being attentive so that he doesn't need to cry for us to respond. The crying this afternoon just made me want to thow up. He starting to smile and coo again now.

It was just awful watching him crying in pain and not being able to console him though. If I held him it would hurt him and if I put him down he got upset. I ended up laying him on my bed with his head on my pillow with two diaper flats laid out beneath him as fastening the cloth diaper would hit his injury. I held his hand and he fell asleep but would wake periodically and cry, especially when he would kick his legs (his favorite thing to do, even in utero) as it hurt. Awful, awful. I'm still recovering.

We opted to do our own schedule for the vaccinations as the CDC recommendations are designed to try to get as many people to complete the shot series as soon as possible so they don't miss them, but they are based on babies in childcare, etc. Since Jonah's at home and not around many other children -- we feel comfortable doing our own schedule to reduce the possible overload of introducing so many foreign proteins and preservatives into his system at once. I read that from a TCM standpoint you ideally would only introduce them one at a time -- but obviously getting one shot each time means more trauma over time so that's a bit extreme.

infant potty training works -- 6 poos and 2 pees later

I started working with our baby at 5 weeks on drawing his awareness
to his elimination patterns during diaper changes. Last week, after
observing that he passed gas prior to having a BM, I decided to sit
on the toilet with him and see if he would relieve himself there. I
was so nervous that I would miscalculate his intentions or when he
was going to go and that I would end up covered in poo. But a few
moments later he did it and he didn't mind at all and there was no
clean-up required, just a quick dab on his tush.

I tried it during the week last week but our timing was off. I tried
again on Sunday though and he had 4 poos and even peed once.
Yesterday I had him on the changing table and asked him if he wanted
to pee or poo in the potty and he smiled at me so we sat on the
toilet and he peed -- I was so proud. Today at my PEPS group meeting
he went poo again -- I'm just amazed that this is working.

Infant Potty Training/ Elimination Communication

Today was also a good day for pooping in the potty. I was just reading through my last couple of posts and I think I should explain about elimination communication, it is where you teach your infant to use the toilet and not just go in their diaper all the time. It requires you as the parent to be observant of your baby's elimination habits and cues and then to work with your baby to go in the toilet.

When Jonah was 5 weeks old I went back to one of the E.C. sites I have linked to show my sister about it. From that I got the idea that I probably should be helping Jonah understand about what was going on in his diaper. Since then when I change his diaper I will say to him "oh, you had a pee-pee diaper" or "Jonah had a poo-poo". It works particularly well when he tries to let me know he wants a diaper change or just when he starts to get cranky because he needs one. Sometimes while changing him he will poo, and less ocassionally he will pee. I try to use those as learning opportunities as well as it just happened so I can say "Jonah had a poo-poo" and it's more obvious.

My partner and I don't want to be diapering for years so the idea of E.C. intrigued us. Add to that the cloth prefolds that we're using through the diaper service and baby knows when he's soiled. I try to be highly responsive to his requests for a diaper change as well, so he stays aware of when he goes and knows that I don't expect him to stay in a dirty diaper. It's all part of a holistic approach we are taking with him about this.

Today Jonah went poo in the toilet twice, and both times he seemed game to try it. During last week I tried a few times but he wasn't ready to go just yet and got frustrated so we quickly abandoned the effort -- I don't want to torture him, if he's not into it then we move on. I think he likes being able to press with his feet against the seat to help bear down. Whatever works.

Jonah likes to eliminate while he's nursing so obviously that's not a good time to try to intervene. I have noticed though that most of the time, or more than half the time, when he spits up its because he's peeing or pooing. My biggest cues from him are if he is passing gas and hasn't yet had a poo or he's straining already to have a bowel movement. Peeing, I'm not so good with figuring that one out yet.

Here are some good links to learn more about elimination communication or going diaper free:

Diaper Free! The Gentle Wisdom of Natural Infant Hygiene
by Ingrid Bauer

Infant Potty Training

diaperfreebaby.org

Infant Potty Training - Elimination Communication

Natural Infant Hygiene FAQ

The EC Store

EC Clothing Options

Dare to Bare, New York Times article

See also my post - Easy Diaper Changes and Pottying Outfit Observations

Jonah is really keen to say hello, he's been practicing more and more on his own. Yesterday evening he started crying and was shouting "el-lo", "el-lo". My partner says that its because Jonah has such a hard time trying to get the noise out that when he's pushing out a lot of sound (when crying) its easier for him to say it. I swear we aren't torturing this child, he really wants to learn. On his own he's also starting to try to say milk now. He can get out "ilk" and its so cute. Remember that he started babbling with me from the second he met me in the operating room so I'm thinking this is just part of his nature.

Okay now, so ground breaking Jonah tricks...

My partner taught him how to say hello this week. It sounds outrageous as he's only 2 months old but indeed the baby is able to tie together the shaping of his mouth through the ha, the el and the rounded o. It's really hard for him to do it but he's getting better. He sticks his tongue out for the el part. I video taped him doing it two nights ago it's too funny to see.

Then last night I could tell that a poop was coming so I decided to see if we couldn't use the toilet. I sat backwards on the toilet seat holding Jonah in front of me by the thighs with his head resting against my chest. My partner passed by the bathroom just then and started cracking up, almost crying at the sight of us. But a few minutes later J had his poo -- no mess whatsoever I was pleased and my partner was off to text his friend and tell him about this groundbreaking event.

My mother thinks we are crazy but really we're just trying to offer different options to J. We aren't those parents who would be doing flashcards or anything but since the baby's brain is developing so quickly now, and he's just learning about the ways of the world -- why not just expand on the options we are introducing?

I'm going to go over to my OB and RE offices now to show of J. Hopefully the docs are able to take a peek.

We're using the Sassy MAM bottles and they are working okay. Jonah latches on like he does when he's nursing though its a very different experience to suck at a bottle versus a human nipple. It's got a special soft medical grade silicone nipple designed to feel like a real nipple.

I was showing my partner last night how to prop his head up with his forearm instead of holding up the baby's head with his hand (that looked uncomfortable). My partner has been using the My Brest Friend as well which is cute.

We tried the first bottle at about 4 weeks and it hasn't been a problem. We're now at the point where my partner likes having some fresh milk saved in the fridge so its easier for him to just step in and give the baby a bottle if he's starving and I need a break or just can't be there right then (like when I ran to the grocery store yesterday morning).

a boob report

Still a little lumpy in a couple of ducts on the side but definately feels like its on the mend. Phew but I'm not going to take it easy totally until I know I'm in the clear.

Oh, and here's a cool site -- http://www.geni.com/ -- you can add in your family tree and invite other family members to add in more detail. My mother, second cousin, uncle and I have added in over 200 people so far. Once my great-aunt gets in there and more of the next generation are added in it should keep growing.

Poor Boob

I've got a touch of mastitis right now, really early on. It started with Jonah sleeping more through the night on Thursday night so I woke up engorged and then I wasn't able to empty my right breast fully all day Friday and ended up with a low-grade fever on Friday night. I've been resting, nursing/pumping/expressing a alot, taking ibuprofen and now using heat on the affected area. I called my doc today and he said I was doing the right things but to increase my ibuprofen dosage.

Watch out for engorgement those of you who are nursing, it can cause other issues if you don't stay on top of it -- mostly you just need to really make sure you drain your breasts fully -- so pumping or expressing to make sure it doesn't get inflamed.

I've been extra full or engorged before without a problem but now I've learned not to take it for granted that my body can sort it out.

Two months old

Jonah's going to be 2 months old tomorrow -- where has the time gone? He's such a good little guy though and it's much more fun now that he can smile and talk a bit more (talk as in aahg, yeee, gurgle). He understands a whole range of words now -- milk, momma, daddy, baby, diaper change. His most common response when we ask him if he wants his diaper changed is to go totally silent (like duh, yah mom) and then if I don't do it within a few minutes he gets mad



I'm introducing the same words to him in French and we'll be doing some baby signing as well -- he kind of knows the sign for milk now (as in understands not that he can do the movement himself). My partner and I have been singing, talking and reading to him in French as well and he thinks its funny. We want to live in France for a year in a few years so we want to build up the family's vocabulary, mine included. I'm hoping to get back with my French teacher in another month or so for weekly lessons.

Baby finds his smile

It's been a happy week this week with lots of smiles from Jonah as he finally figured out his smile. It started last Saturday when he smiled at me and I smiled back and then he grinned larger. Here's a shot of one of his smiles.



Jonah is seven weeks old today and boy he's just getting so big. There are many outfits that we've just been able to wear once or twice before he gets too big for them, and a few things that he just won't be able to wear since they seemed to big when he was just born and now he's such a big guy. He's wearing 3-6 months sizes, and many more in the 6 month size, and even some in the 6-12 month sizes.

Tips About Pumping

I was really confused about pumping and storing breastmilk since baby was born and pumping just seemed not a fun thing to do at all (and a bit of an embarassing endeavor as well). Still I think it is worth it, and it's proved to be a saving grace when baby is just wanting to suck and suck for hours and I just want to go lie down and take a nap -- my partner can just give the baby a bottle.

I started out at first by just using the manual part of the Medela PISA, that took a while but it let me get a sense of what happens.

My pediatrician said that pumping after the morning nursing, when the supply is highest is best. At a new moms thing last week the nurse leading the event said that the most efficient way to get the most milk was to express in tandem to nursing. So when you are nursing on one side to express on the other. I tried this and it was hard to attend to my baby and the pump parts at the same time. Perhaps with a better set up or a hands-free bra or something it might work out better -- or maybe when he's a little older.

I looked around for different bottles and got the Sassy Mam after seeing a lot of positive reviews on target.com. My baby seems to try to latch onto the nipple similar to how he latched onto my nipple and its worked out fine.

I think the key thing with bottles is that it is easiest to have someone else give them such as your DH. When my baby seems me, even after he's just had a bottle his instinct is to want to cuddle close to nurse. That's not to say you can't give the bottle, but it might be more challenging.

I try to pump a day or so ahead of when I need the milk handy but one day last week I just really needed a nap so when my partner came home I just handed him the baby and told him to give him milk from the freezer stash. It takes a little longer to prepare but he didn't have any trouble and it gave me a chance to catch up on some sleep uninterupted (yeah!)

My friends IRL told me to try to pump up a stash while my milk is plentiful so we can have it for later. It only keeps in the freezer of our fridge for 6 months though so we'll have to plan around that or indulge in a deep freeze for longer storage. Oh, I also heard that you should store in 2-4 ounces so you can also just defrost a smaller amount if you need it. I'll have to see how that goes. The freezer stash is really helpful though -- I just freeze the milk in the Medela bags and when frozen add them to a freezer zipper bag for safe keeping).

I went into work today for a half day, meeting with a client and then checking in with my team. It was a nice break from the baby, though of course I wanted to see him right away when I got home. My partner stayed at home today to watch him; it was a nice break for him as well to be able to duck out of work and hang with baby. I was glad to hear that they listened to music together and Jonah got to play and hang with dad.

It's been interesting now that the baby is here and people are all congratulatory and interested in the baby. A lot of people didn't know I was pg and so there is surprise that I didn't announce it. I don't know how one is meant to announce to the world that you are going to have a baby, better from my standpoint that they find out after baby is here. But it does also highlight for me how long it took to get here; not too many people know the full extent of the five years and m/cs though more know about my fibroid surgery.

Also, I've been trying to get some house projects going, remodelling, cleaning, and the like. That's when I really feel the disruption of the past three years -- with my two losses and all the grief, followed by being so fatigued when I was pg. I end up feeling like I was checked out for a long time in terms of our home life. I know it isn't true but still I notice the grime of distraction around the edges so to speak. I'm hoping to apply myself now that I'm out of that space and hopefully some of those feelings will subside.

We're already starting to talk about trying for #2. Not any time soon, but maybe we'll start TTC later on this year. It took a long time to get this far and so we don't really want to wait though. For now I think the key thing is to see what's going on with my new fibroids and just to continue to focus on adjusting to life with Jonah.

Five Weeks Plus

Sorry I haven't been posting, there's been a lot of peeing, pooping, spitting up and crying going on over here. Actually Jonah isn't that fussy but he does require a lot of attention. Since I'm trying to keep up with some of my work mail, plus little things like making sure I get fed, get out of the house once a day and do the extra laundry, there hasn't been that much extra time to blog.



I dropped by a new mom group today and there were about 15 new babies there. It was kinda nice to be in a place where Jonah and I aren't such an anomaly. Not too much chit chat by the time we showed up -- with a feed and change for Jonah and lunch for me we showed up for the second hour so I'm not sure if there was socializing before that. There was a medical professional answering questions about vaccinations, fevers, breastfeeding, which was helpful. I offered some tips that I've picked up as well about baby Tylenol and vaccinations.

My question was about Jonah's feeding habits. He signals to eat a lot during the day, sometimes when he's just eaten and sometimes he just overfills and the milk just comes gushing back out. I started offering him my pinkie to suck on here and there to see if he just wants to suck, but most of the time he is hungry so I feed him. He's also had a few bouts of projectile vomiting, but my mother says that I too was a projectile vomiter so I guess he inherited that from me.

I weighed him at the center and Jonah's up around 13 pounds (over 13 pounds with clothes on). Way to go baby. I just looked it up online and his weight gain is on par with normal gain for breastfed babies as per the KellyMom site. That's still up 5 pounds since he was born. No wonder he has been growing out of his newborn and three month sizes though. I was starting to worry but then I went through all the shower gifts and purchases we made months ago and we've got plenty of clothing in the 6-12 months sizes including pajamas - phew!

Who knew that new babies grew that fast though. The other babies there today, even the ones that had already had their 2 months shots, were all smaller it seemed than Jonah. Jonah looked as handsome as ever to me in contrast to the other babies, though there were lots of cute babies there. He was the only baby that made creaky groaning noises (his specialty, particularly at night when he's sleeping and needs a diaper change) and was also the noisiest nurser -- but he wasn't a cry baby like many other, he just slept calmly in my arms for the hour. Lots of other moms were using pacifiers I noted. We haven't really seen the need.

We started out with Jonah sleeping with us, then tried switching him to the bassinette but after a week of nursing him in the wee hours, having him sleeping in my arms in the chair in the nursery and then having him awaken when I tried to set him back in the bassinette I've taken to sleeping with him by my side. It's been a big help for me -- he can grumble and make noises in his sleep and I know right away if he's just being noisy or if he needs to be fed or changed. He sleeps longer as well so I'm not falling on my face tired. I'll still lay him down in the bassinette when we go to be if he's in deep sleep and then bring him over later but this seems to work better for us.

We've been working on our side-lying nursing and Jonah's getting better at it. Last night he rooted around until I pulled up my shirt and then he latched on every couple of hours for a while with some assistance. Neither of us really had to wake up fully. My partner changed him around 4:30 AM as it had been a while and his diaper was pretty wet.

I admit that co-sleeping might present some issues later on but Jonah will nap in his rocker and bouncer seats, the Pack & Play bassinette and his own bassinette -- such as right now -- so I'm trying to keep his sleep options open.

He sleeps so much better at night though when he's in my arms. I feel like a mama bear with her cub curled up beside her. My partner and I think about what would one do in the wild with a newborn; certainly not leave the baby in its own tent down the way as the wild animals would get it. What is the natural sleeping posture of the human animal though since the establishment seems so bent on isolating baby from his parents?

I had a c-section delivery four weeks ago. Thankfully I've dropped a lot of the bloat from pregnancy already in my legs in particular, my hips/belly and butt are all still larger than pre-pregnancy. I've been making do with my maternity pants but I can see that I'm going to have to invest in some transitional pants/skirts. I look forward to getting back into my size 10 jeans though, but for the time being I'm going to have to deal with being a 12/14.

I've been going through all my clothing, emptying my dresser drawers and going through the clothing I set aside during my pregnancy, and I'm paring down. With the breastfeeding boobs its going to be a while before I fit back into many of my old tops and some of them are just worn out. Mostly though I just feel like its time to leave behind some of the past and move on with new clothing.