It's raining, it's pouring...

After I found out about my fibroid I cried a lot. I cried for 3 days when they told me about my fibroid. I was so upset that my eyelid twitched for 3 months after that! After every doctor's appointment I had I was an emotional wreck afterwards.

A mean RE at the local university fertility clinic told us on a Friday that we needed IVF with ICSI and that we woudn't be able to conceive on our own. The next day we had to go to a wedding and someone from asked me discreetly about my fibroid (we lied and said that was what the Dr's appt was for, we didn't want any one to really know about our fertility problems) and I lost it and had to leave the wedding before the toasts. My partner couldn't get out of there as quickly for social reason so I just sat in the car and cried for 20 minutes by myself on a side street.

I had another time last spring, right after my HSG when I found out my uterus was wrapped around my fibroid and my doctor told me I should probably have the fibroid out. I went to dance class a couple days later -- surely dancing would help me feel like my body was mine again. But there was a guest instructor and when she wanted me to correct my pelvis alignment and I left the class sobbing.

Over Christmas my OB that I had made 2 months beforehand come up so I decided to get another opinion. Aside from crying the entire time in her office when I left I started sobbing in the parking garage and had to wait a long while until I was settled enough to drive.

Another time, at the beginning of the year, after yet another Dr appointment I had to leave dance class again and just cried in the hall while I waited for my partner to finish. It was all so stressful, I was unclear as to what to do, and it seemed like we would never have children without some major medical interventions.

Almost two years and facing Clomid/IUI

We've been trying for two years but we haven't used protection since 2000. We had the reversal before we were ready to try. It has all been an exercise in patience and faith.

I'm a bit scared of doing Clomid, we really don't want multiples. Couldn't they just do a trigger shot and IUI?

Sheesh!

So, I've been keeping you apprised of my situation. I just got off the phone with the RE (RE#2) and here's what he told me...

...that they won't do fertility treatments on me unless I have my fibroid treated

...that if I have the embolization they won't accept me as a fertility patient

...that they recommend myomectomy

...that he no longer authorized the MRI

They won't do fertility treatments if I have the embo because they are worried about the uterine wall being weak (weaker than a uterus that has had multiple fibroids removed -- aka. myomectomy!?) and the possibility of multiple births being so much higher with fertility treatments. They are also a little concerned about not the liability but their stats, that somehow I might compromise their success rates.

Heck, no one knows why I haven't been able to get pregnant, it could be any of the following that I've been able to deduce...

* sperm morphology
* low progesterone (I started using natural progesterone cream)
* anemia/low ferritin (being treated)
* fibroid (though I've never even been kinda sorta pregnant)

I don't even know what to think know. It seems like my options are a) leave it up to God, or b) do the embo and then leave it up to God, or c) do the embo and do fertility treatments if needed, elsewhere.

We're not interested in adoption.

Maybe I should just go save the dying children in 3rd world nations and give up on this mother thing.