I found that as I got closer to the end of my pregnancy I started to be able to let more of my fears go and just be. I hope you will find the same as you get into those final weeks where the baby's health even if s/he should come early is more certain. I still am amazed at how long it took for us to get here, but I learned so much along the way (not that it was all willingly experienced) that I know I'm stronger for it

I've talk to my partner some in the past few days about how many tears I shed thinking that we would never get here -- negative doctors, difficult diagnoses, our losses, the surgeries, etc. And, for all the times my partner was like "it doesn't matter to me either way if we have a baby" he's now totally in love with his baby and he's upstairs right now working on editing songs from his band on the computer with Jonah in a pouch and he can't wait to have the chance to bottle feed him in a few weeks.

I don't know if one can ever totally reconcile what infertility does to you, but in the present moment there is such a sense of satisfaction and joy at being able to take care of this perfect little guy (with his tiny puss) that I can honestly say I'm happy -- tired yes, but happy.

My animals have been a little out of sorts, but mostly they are doing well. One cat pooped in the hallway the other day but I've been slowly showing him the baby, giving him extra attention (or even just more of the regular attention he's used to) and extra brushing and he seems like he's relaxing about it a bit.

We are co-sleeping at the moment and rather liking it -- all three of us. It makes it easier to give each other a bit of a break over night, even if just for a couple of hours, to know that the other one is one duty with the baby. We've also had some giggles with middle of the night diaper changes when we put the diaper on the wrong way or the baby decides to shoot out some poop right as you are in the middle of changing him into a new one -- twice in the space of a minute. We'll continue to make adjustments as needed though as my partner is going to have to be able to get a bit more rest overnight so I'll be likely doing more changes and feedings in the nursery in the coming weeks. My partner goes back to work tomorrow -- only 4 days off though he's going to work from home when he can, and work shortened hours.

I've got to eat some lunch before we head out to the pediatricians for a little check-up. Since we are nursing they wanted to have Jonah checked a couple days after we left the hospital for hydration, jaundice and weight. The kid has been nursing so vigorously and soiling so many diapers that I would be surprised if he isn't over his birth weight already.