Thoughts on the First Trimester Screening

I have the option of doing this test if I want (all tests are optional really though) and I sort of always dreaded the thought of making a decision about it. Now, being here at almost 11 weeks, the decision is in front of me squarely -- and I find my instincts, my being, is telling me not to do it.

It's taken me four years to get this far -- which is why I'm now over 36. We've had two losses, early on, but both of them were drawn out over weeks, not to say months for the first one (July-October). I also had fibroid surgery -- and I've got a new fibroid growing.

I'll have a c-section either way, due to the fibroid surgery. I'm in a major city with an excellent hospital so it's not like labor is going to cause any complications. But none of that is my concern.

Having lived through my losses, I know the stress that waiting can bring when you already have the bad news. It's not something I want to bring on myself. It would be crushing for me, and I don't see any good that will come of it. I didn't ever due ART or hormones or anything, opting instead to find other means of healing my body enough to let it be able to carry (other than the needed surgery). I think even if I end up with a sick baby, I will feel more at peace with that than with knowing -- there's nothing to prepare for, what happens happen. I would rather let fate or God have a hand in it and just live with that outcome.

Come what may.