I didn't schedule an acu appt this week and they only had openings for the abdominal massage tomorrow but I didn't call in to make an appt for that either (busy week). I've had this borderline sinus thing going on this week, something is going on in there though its not an infection -- and won't be if I stay on top of it with the saline nasal spray. Then I'm mostly okay but my digestion is still a bit odd, certain meals seem to throw it off again and there are some foods that my body is telling me to avoid such as bananas and alcohol, particularly beer (though I hardly ever have beer). Very strange.

I guess I'll have to see about getting my appointments lined up for next week. I like to go on Thursdays.

Feeling Ill

Here's my note to my acu from today:

I've continued having some digestive disturbance over this week as well, though my schedule was so full that I didn't have time to get in for an appointment. Sometimes after meals I just feel like I'm so nauseous, other times I'm badly constipated. When I do have bowel movements it alternates between dry and firm or very soft and a lot at once.

This week I've also been having some sinus congestion/bordering on infection. I took half a dose of Nyquil last night and it didn't seem to help. I know that sinus issue and digestive issues can be related sometimes.

This morning I woke up and my lower back felt bad, also since I ovulated over last weekend (which was painful and congested feeling in my lower right abdomen and lasted from Friday evening until Saturday morning) my points in my ankles and that spot above my ankle bone have been very achey. I bet if you saw me you would needle all my spleen points on my legs.

I was feeling so bad this afternoon (like I might throw up or have diarhea) that I left work early, I have a .1 degree temperature.

Is there anything I should do or take? I just feel so lousy.

--- and here's what she wrote back ---

I am sorry to hear that you are feeling so awful! I got your email today when I came in for the morning and just wanted to get a quick email off to you for the weekend. First, I hope you are feeling better already!...if not I am hoping that you are able to rest up over the weekend because it sounds like you have had a very hectic schedule.

I have been thinking more about abdominal massage for you. The symptoms you are having currently lead me to believe you would really benefit from getting abdominal massage in combination with the acupuncture both for pain/ cramping and digestive disturbances, in addition to being excellent for fertility. Hopefully it will fit in your schedule to see either myself or Danisha (abdominal massage) in the upcoming week.

Until then, I think eating something very easy on your digestion such as a chicken noodle soup. Try putting some fresh ginger into the soup or have ginger tea to help calm and decrease nausea. Peppermint tea might also help and benefit the sinuses as well. Although it may be tender along the spleen channel, some gentle massaging of those points will help. You may also try some clock-wise (12 o'clock being at your navel) direction gentle massage of your low abdomen.

Hope this helps and your weekend goes well.

Candida?

I was at a bookstore last night and was looking up some info in The Encyclopia of Natural Medicine (I have the companion Ency. of Natural Supplements already) and was looking at what it said about asthma as my partner's cousin is dealing with really serious asthma problems. While scanning that section of the book, which also dealt with respiratory allergies, I saw mention of Candida overgrowth as a possible contributor to both conditions. I flipped to that section and it talked about how prolonged anti-biotic use can lead to pathologic overgrowths of candida in the colon which can impair food absorption. It also said this would impair liver function

It just reminded me of when I was on tetracycline in college for mild acne for longer than I was meant to. And that's around when I started having more of my health problems -- digestive issues, etc. It still might be a stretch but I bet that's part of my issue. The book mentioned that it was hard to get rid of once it was entrenched and that the immune system is hyper-reactive to it as well.

Those things are totally in parallel to what my acu has said about my situation -- though the diagnosis is phlegm obstruction (hyperactive immune system) and Spleen Qi deficiency (poor digestion, to be treated with a diet akin to a candida cleansing diet), with blood deficiency (hard time assimilating nutrients) and some Liver Qi stagnation. The diet my acu has me on includes cutting back on alcohol, fermented foods, sugar and simple carbs -- same as one does for candida.

Interesting don't you think?

My digestion is still a bit off, I think I need to get back to my cooked foods, no dairy, low wheat, low sweets, and leafy green veg diet. I've just started back on my herbs and they seem to be helping.

Here are some links about Candida that I've come across:

Intestinal Yeast and Candida

Candida Treatment Overview - Clean the Colon to Check Candida

Candida Albican

Candida Summary

The Candida Syndrome: Health Nemesis or Myth?

TCM Tongue Diagnosis

I just retried this Tongue Diagnosis Tool and it is still spot on with my diagnosis which is so amazing and weird. You should try it yourself, just grab a mirror and something to jot notes on as you click through the questions.

Tongue diagnosis used to be used more in Western medicine as well, but now they are so reliant on blood testing and the like that the observatory aspects of their practice are largely ignored or forgotten.

So my acu treated me today. She said my digestive issues were related to the stomach actually. Either combined with spleen qi deficiency so that qi wasn't flowing the right way or blocked so that everything was messed up. Yes, that sounds like what it's felt like for me all week. She did stomach and spleen points and it helped ease things though I am still constipated Even a cup of coffee and a long walk have done nothing. It's so irregular for me but totally tied with the jetlag I believe.

A Little TLC

With the suggestion of my friend Christy and someone else on the Ovusoft loss board I cracked open Coming to Term again to read the parts about TLC, in summary:

Study 1 -- in addition to regular prenatal care plus weekly medical exams for "optimum psychological support" the researchers advised the test group patients "to avoid heavy work and travel, as well as bed rest druing the two-week gestational period at which they had previously miscarried. 86% of these women successfully carried to term versus only 33% of the control group.

Study 2 -- study participants "attended a physiotherapy class each week at which they leraned relaxation skills. They also received a 'relaxation tape'". For hospital visits they had a specially decorated room. 86% of the treated group carried to term versus only 33% in the control group.

Interesting isn't it?

Who's On Your Support Team

There's this amusing book I picked up at Anthropologie a few years ago titled The Fabulous Girl's Guide to Decorum. It has a section in it about how celebrities have their people and how fabulous girls need their support team as well.

One's support team can include:
hair stylist
colorist
manicurist
dry cleaner
dentist
etc.

It is in that spirit that I think we should all think about the following QOTD...

Question of the Day: Who's on your support team for your next pregnancy?

Mine first, and this is as of right now:

ob/gyn
acupuncturist
chiropractor
massage therapist

I hope to add on a counselor and I really should get a regular doctor to round out my care providers.

Jumping in, feet first and with eyes closed

I think I'm going to ovulate today. Several online friends of mine are close enough to be cycle buddies -- that means we get to live through the ups and downs of the 2ww together.

We did in fact DTD and so we'll see what comes of that. No sooner do I pull out the Pre~Seed then my partner tells his friend that we're trying again (within hours). I'm like "Dude! What up with that?" He explained that his friend was confiding a lot of personal stuff about his dating issues and recent confusion about a relationship he should just let go and that was all my partner had to offer that was personal at the moment to empathize with him.

Working on my support team

I set up an appt. with my ob/gyn for June 6th to discuss our game plan for my next pregnancy (should I be so lucky) as I feel a little vague about how he intends to make me feel supported through this time. I've decided to hold off on RE treatment for the foreseeable future, it wasn't sitting right for me. Still I need to have the confidence that my ob's office isn't going to treat me like any old obstetrics patient, not after four (give or take) years of TTC and two miscarriages.

Why does that seem to be such a loaded thing -- seeing the doc two weeks after O......I had already scheduled an appointment with my RE for the day I found out I was pg the first time two year ago. With my second pregnancy last year I was scheduled for a pelvic exam a few days after I tested positive but I cancelled because it made me nervous to just be meeting with a nurse-practitioner, especially one that I didn't know -- it was with a different ob/gyn practice though. Hmmmmm.

I still think I need to definately add a counselor to the mix, so that I'm feeling more supported psychologically through this endeavor and not as isolated. I've got some counselor recommendations through the PNWSMTB Yahoo group -- Pacific NW Seattle Mommies To Be -- which has been helpful. Now I just have to work up my courage to call.

Preparing for Delivery

Here are a few links about selecting care providers for your pregnancy and how to prepare a birth plan that might help you to understand your choices and opportunities better.

Caregiver Selection

Choosing a Caregiver for Pregnancy, Labor and Birth

What's a Doula

About Midwifery

Birth Plans

Five Things Labor and Delivery Nurses Wish You Knew -- don't create your birth plan in a vacuum

Birth Preference Tips (PDF)

Birth Planning FAQ

A Birth Plan

Interactive Birth Plan

Eyes-Open Childbirth: Writing a Meaningful Plan for a Gentle Birth

Preparing a Birth Plan -- from Parents Magazine

Where to Deliver

Where Women Give Birth

Home Birth Reference Site

Home Birth Reference

Labor Induction

Inducing labor

Induction: Getting Labor Started

Labor Induction: Can You Say, "Induce My Labor"? Sure you can, but maybe you shouldn’t

To Induce or not to Induce: Know the Risks Involved in This Increasing Trend

Other Delivery Info

Labor & Delivery -- info from I Dream of Baby

Calculating Due Dates and the Impact of Mistaken Estimates of Gestational Age

Role of the Anesthesiologist in Labor Delivery (Microsoft PowerPoint file -- it appears to only work for download and not open directly)

Expecting the Unexpected: When Your Delivery Doesn't Go As Planned

A Guide to Effective Care in Pregnancy and Childbirth -- chapters available for download as PDF

Signs of Labor

Online Childbirth Class


Other

Babyzone Labor and Birth Index - a whole host of articles

Getting a Stubborn Patient to Say Yes

Binsi -- clothing designed and approved for delivery

I'm just back from my trip to Paris and I had a great time. There are benefits to being child-free in that you can actually get away like that and just do what you want to do.

I'm still feeling trepidation about TTC right now, I think a friend of mine pinned it on the head when she said that it was probably more that my caregivers haven't really shown me that they have a good plan for monitoring my next pregnancy which is causing more anxiety about it. After the two losses that kicked me to the ground and all our difficulty conceiving in the first place its just frustrating and the way the docs deal with it just makes me feel like I'm going to have to go it alone again. I'm thinking of going for counseling and also talking to my current ob/gyn about it. I don't know if there's any chance that I could not feel like a total wreck should I get pg again but at least I shouldn't have to feel like I'm being treated like a regular ob patient -- I've cried too many tears and had too much pain for that at this point.

Apprehension

My partner was talking to his friends who just got knocked on a Clomid cycle, got engaged and bought a house all in the same week. They were asking him when we are going to try again and he said maybe July. I feel so torn about it all. I just have no confidence in the process of procreation at this point in time, and even if it works I still feel a lot of apprehension about all the pg fatigue and yuckiness. Not good is it.

Mardi equals Tuesday

Were about to head out for the day, another day of
cafes, shopping and lots and lots of walking. My
parents want to see the Arc de Triumph today.

__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around
http://mail.yahoo.com

I made it

Im in France now, in a taxi on my way to the hotel. I
cant wait to take a shower and get something to drink.
Lots of thinking on the plane about my fertility and
miscarriages, probably because Ive got AF but its also
that time of year. I was also reminded of how badly I
wanted to come here after my first loss. Well here I am.

Have I been ignoring you?

No I haven't. I've just been busy with things and this luteal phase is thankfully so much better than they have been somewhat recently. Just a little breast tenderness, minor irritability, a few pimples that you might not even notice, and just a touch of bloating.

What has changed though to have caused this profound difference. By gosh I don't know, I just don't know. I have been using my hot water bottle on my woomba regularly in the evening, also drinking my herbs and going for weekly acu. I have been trying to take more exercise with the weather being nicer. But still, I wouldn't think it was enough to make a difference. And the stupid thing is that I could stop the herbs and acu and I bet I would hurt like hell again the next luteal phase. That's freaking sad and it irritates me too (I did mention I was a little irritable).

I don't know if I mentioned it but my acu appointments are covered but only while I'm not trying. I get 10 or 12 treatments included through my insurance from work. Pretty rad eh? They won't cover treatment for fertility though -- but the difference between not trying and trying is like nothing at all, especially since the qi problems are still the same. Strange, eh?

My latest is Yin deficiency, and I've been feeling tired and drained. Still got the Liver Qi Stag., Phlegm, Blood Deficiency and I'm sure Spleen Qi Def (related to the Phlegm and Blood Def.) Still I'm having less PMSy/breast pain issues this cycle -- but more slight constipation which is fun and supposedly Liver Qi stag. related.

I made chicken livers earlier this week, to help get more heme iron in my diet. Not my favorite thing but my body seems to appreciate it.

-----

I visited with my friend who has the stage 4 cancer yesterday. Oh my gosh what she has been through. And one of her cancer docs told her that she had less than a 5% chance of living to the end of the year. That made me so angry, they totally don't know that. The book Prepare for Surgery, Heal Faster makes mention of a study that showed that when doctors told certain patients with "terminal" illnesses that they had x number of weeks or months to live that the patients would just die like on clockwork at that time. But treated elsewise, without having time marked for them and they would keep on going. So freaking pooh on that damn doc for telling her such a thing. She had a tumor blocking her colon and the surrounding tissue was so swollen and distended that the surgeon couldn't reconnect the colon where the malignancy was removed from so she has a temporary colostomy. The cancer has spread to her lymph system so they removed a ton of lymph nodes. Her liver showed a mass a few months ago but she just had tests a few days ago and there was nothing there. Not on the ultrasound, not on the MRI, not on the x-ray. She's been having acu and energetic treatments -- Seattle has a lot of alternative medical practitioners so if you are open to it it's available to you. One of her practitioners said that when she first started working with my friend she could feel the cancer, but there was one treatment where my friend felt an energy shift (she got hot or something like that) and ever since then the practitioner can't feel the cancer any longer. If she can make it through all this nasty chemo and gain some weight back I feel truly in my heart as though she might be this. Please send her your very best healing thoughts and prayers. Thanks.

Thursday was CD16, supposedly 1dpo and I woke up with my knees aching and then after lunch I got a headache and low backache. I told my acupuncturist about it at my acu appt and she told me that it was my kidney qi that was messed up. It might have had to do with the cycle transition from O to LP.

She said I'm still blood deficient and likely Yin deficient as well. Then there's still the fibroid indicating phlegm obstruction and blood stasis -- and liver qi stagnation. The spot where she was going to insert a needle below my navel was actually colored pink before she even touched it.

They have a new massage therapist working in the practice who is trained in Arvigo technique which she thinks I should do after I get back from my trip to France. She said for her patients with fibroids and endometriosis they have been having dramatic improvements alternating between acu and abdominal massage.


One of my partner's friend's girlfriend just did a couple of cycles on Clomid and she's now pg. I'm not looking forward to seeing her as she's been completely ga-ga wanting to have babies and even buying baby magazines.

There's this part of me that hopes she doesn't lose it and then there's the part of me that hopes she does feel all the horror and grief of miscarriage. It's like I wanted to be that happy but I had it taken away from me twice, that and more since it affected my health as well. But also because m/c is just part of what happens. It's happened to me twice so why shouldn't happen to her. It think you all know what I mean, well at least if you've been through infertility and miscarriage you know what I mean.

Chronic Babes Unite

I found this site while surfing about and thought that some of the readers here might appreciate it. It's for women...sorry Babes dealing with chronic health conditions. I don't know whether infertility or fibroids count as being as chronic as other conditions but at least it's an inspiring resources that's all about getting a life and having fun.

http://www.chronicbabe.com/

So sad

A friend of mine just told me today that in January she was diagnosed with cancer. Not just any cancer but cancer of the colon and liver and stage 4 at that. She had some indigestion after dinner at a restaurant that lasted for days and when she went to see the doc they rushed her in for emergency surgery to removed parts of both organs. She's been through chemo for months now and lost 15 pounds and she was a skinny minnie to start with.

She had a hysterectomy a couple years ago due to problems with uterine fibroids and now this. Before she even told me which parts I mentioned to her that it was probably related to spleen qi deficiency and liver qi stagnation -- commonly recognized causes for uterine fibroids. How freaking scary though. She's healthy, exercises regularly and is a vegetarian.

Send her some prayers and healing thoughts if you can.

Six Things About Me

Baby Lust tagged me so I'm going to participate in this blog meme.

1. I'm a morning person who doesn't like to get to work before 9am. When I was in school I really hated going to school before 9am. I'm not sure why since I wake up fairly early but I like a nice, quiet, slow morning.

2. I'm competitive about my artwork and creative endeavors. It's one of the only areas of my life that can work me up into tears if I feel like I'm not doing well enough. I'm not that way about many things, though often I have high standards. I want to be one of the best, within reason of course.

3. I was thinking about this tonight on the way home from French class but ever since my second miscarriage last year it frequently comes into my mind. And not just any part of it but the part where I'm in the shower and it's worse than the scene from the movie Psycho. That downstairs bathroom is forever marked in my mind with that event. (Commercials or things on TV about the movie Psycho also bug me now and I have to change the channel)

4. I don't like showering every day, I'll go every other day. I get cold coming out of the shower and I really don't like that. Also washing my hair everyday leaves it hard to manage.

5. I don't much like washing dishes and when I do I wear rubber gloves. I was a summer intern in high school at a college biology lab and got to grow bacterial cultures and since then dirty dishes and dishwater freak me out.

6. When I get sick I apologize to my body for not treating it better and I really think about it on the cellular level. I feel like my body is really a the sum of many different organisms with all the little cells in it. I'm weird I know.

I don't have anyone to tag in the infertility world right now. Feel free to tag yourself or post your own list in response to this one in the comments if you don't have a blog of your own.

Progress?

I had acu this morning and she switched my herb formula because she said my signs of dampness had diminished. I told her I felt like I was on a bit of a roller coaster but she told me that the dampness and phlegm obstruction had stopped the qi from flowing.

Now with the dampness mostly resolved the underlying condition of liver qi stagnation is surfacing -- all that stopped up qi from the obstruction is now trying to flow but it isn't flowing smoothly. The new herb she added in will help build the blood but also help with the liver qi stagnation. Go figure eh? It makes me feel like such a mess but I feel crappy without treatment so that isn't an option for me right now.

I have been good putting a hot water bottle on my belly in the evening to help with the fibroid (though I can't bring myself to do the castor oil pack), drinking my tea and then getting more exercise.