Tuesday, June 07, 2005

My scan is in 24 hours (3pm PST). I can't wait for it on one hand and in denial on the other. I think to myself that maybe I can just ignore and things will happen or not. Right? I'll either have a miscarriage or a won't. I'll either have a baby in 8 months or I won't. Seeing the scan will just mean that I have to do something, feel something and part of me doesn't want to feel anything.

I feel a bit pregnant but nothing compared to last time when I was exploding with my fibroid. Realistically if there is an embryo inside of me it is the size of a pea or something, with the sac around it. Fairly small over all. My pregnancy symptoms have been pretty easy over the past week, my breasts still hurt but gone is that feeling of knives stabbing into them, my uterus feels a bit full, sometimes at the end of the day it actually feels extra swollen. My abdomen has adjusted to the hormonal bloat. I'm a bit moody -- alternating feelings last night of frustration, anger and wanting to cry. Overall it just feels like a bad case of weird PMS - is that how pregnancy is supposed to feel?

I talked to my partner last night about not wanting to tell anyone about our pregnancy and he said that he felt the same way. We're kinda of feeling like letting people find out if/when it gets noticible. We have no plans either way for telling or not telling -- I guess we'll just have to see how our appointment goes tomorrow.

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